Ameriblush
Violin player.
I recently had a falling out with one of my family members regarding what I went though growing up with my mother(who suffers from bipolar disorder and depression that she won't get sorted out.) I had been beaten, neglected, malnourished, and verbally abused by her growing up until my pre-teen years. I had a sibling who lost her life due to her neglectful attitude, and I had the misfortune to see her die. There was a day when she accidentally left the oven on and nearly killed both of us, and acted like it was no big deal when she discovered it.
I was discussing what I went through and how hard it is for me to forgive her after all these years. I started talking about how I had issues going out anywhere with her these days because it's hard to trust her moods when she's with me, and a disagreement with her almost always end with me crying or getting into a violent punch-out with her. Then my relative responded that I could try to forgive her.
When I went into detail about the things she did to me, he simply responded that people go through way worse things, so it was probable for me to forgive her.
I responded by throwing my plate onto the floor and leaving. I don't know about your interpretation, but that comment about the "way worse things" is what made me keep quiet for so long about the abuse I went through, made me a doormat for people bullying and mistreating me, and pulling a wool over my eyes when I noticed something wrong in situations where my actions could have helped somebody greatly. I don't give a damned about the rest of the world, it's a conversation about me, my history, and how it's affected me. I don't care if people are starving in some third-world country, getting tortured in jail, or have watched people die in front of them, I have my own life and own problems.
I know that sounds selfish--I still don't care. A lot of things I say sound selfish to people, I just learned to stop caring about what anyone else thinks anymore, because prior to that ideal, I just muzzled myself when I had an opinion of my own or disagreed with something someone said to me.
For years, I would refuse to get psychological help for problems because I simply thought that because people went through "way worse" than me, I had no right to complain or say anything. When I blurted that out to a therapist, she thought it was an absurd belief. If somebody went through trauma, it affects us all negatively. I'm going to have PTSD for the rest of my life because of the crap she did to me growing up. I have flashbacks, anxiety, I've lost jobs because of focus issues because I'm too busy lost in the back of my head thinking of the days I spent getting hit relentlessly for something I didn't do.
Being abused by your parent, witnessing a loved one die, and getting bullied sucks, regardless of what you went through, and it's serious trauma that everyone will have trouble getting past. But to use "people have gone through worse" as an excuse to not be so hard-assed to my mom was the worst things someone could say to me, because that same phrase is what kept me from being upfront to the therapists and counselors that could have gotten me help long ago.
Most people grow up thinking that what they went through was the worst thing ever, then they get over it. I seem to be the opposite: I downplayed what I went through for years until only recently, when I have been suffering from flashbacks, violent outbursts, depression, and revenge fantasies that distracted me from school work lately and have made me seriously reconsider returning to college for the spring semester.
To tell me that just made me beyond angry, and I have a major pet peeve against the word because I see it as being used against people who ever complain about or have difficulty with something, like work, bullying, troublesome thoughts, etc.
It's just that the whole "bigger problems" idea NEVER calmed me down or worked on me. If anything, I'd get more upset because it felt like I was getting ignored or belittled.
I was discussing what I went through and how hard it is for me to forgive her after all these years. I started talking about how I had issues going out anywhere with her these days because it's hard to trust her moods when she's with me, and a disagreement with her almost always end with me crying or getting into a violent punch-out with her. Then my relative responded that I could try to forgive her.
When I went into detail about the things she did to me, he simply responded that people go through way worse things, so it was probable for me to forgive her.
I responded by throwing my plate onto the floor and leaving. I don't know about your interpretation, but that comment about the "way worse things" is what made me keep quiet for so long about the abuse I went through, made me a doormat for people bullying and mistreating me, and pulling a wool over my eyes when I noticed something wrong in situations where my actions could have helped somebody greatly. I don't give a damned about the rest of the world, it's a conversation about me, my history, and how it's affected me. I don't care if people are starving in some third-world country, getting tortured in jail, or have watched people die in front of them, I have my own life and own problems.
I know that sounds selfish--I still don't care. A lot of things I say sound selfish to people, I just learned to stop caring about what anyone else thinks anymore, because prior to that ideal, I just muzzled myself when I had an opinion of my own or disagreed with something someone said to me.
For years, I would refuse to get psychological help for problems because I simply thought that because people went through "way worse" than me, I had no right to complain or say anything. When I blurted that out to a therapist, she thought it was an absurd belief. If somebody went through trauma, it affects us all negatively. I'm going to have PTSD for the rest of my life because of the crap she did to me growing up. I have flashbacks, anxiety, I've lost jobs because of focus issues because I'm too busy lost in the back of my head thinking of the days I spent getting hit relentlessly for something I didn't do.
Being abused by your parent, witnessing a loved one die, and getting bullied sucks, regardless of what you went through, and it's serious trauma that everyone will have trouble getting past. But to use "people have gone through worse" as an excuse to not be so hard-assed to my mom was the worst things someone could say to me, because that same phrase is what kept me from being upfront to the therapists and counselors that could have gotten me help long ago.
Most people grow up thinking that what they went through was the worst thing ever, then they get over it. I seem to be the opposite: I downplayed what I went through for years until only recently, when I have been suffering from flashbacks, violent outbursts, depression, and revenge fantasies that distracted me from school work lately and have made me seriously reconsider returning to college for the spring semester.
To tell me that just made me beyond angry, and I have a major pet peeve against the word because I see it as being used against people who ever complain about or have difficulty with something, like work, bullying, troublesome thoughts, etc.
It's just that the whole "bigger problems" idea NEVER calmed me down or worked on me. If anything, I'd get more upset because it felt like I was getting ignored or belittled.
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