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People can pick up on an inability to stand up for yourself in a matter of minutes

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by pelecanus87, Sep 21, 2019.

  1. pelecanus87

    pelecanus87 Well-Known Member

    Sep 25, 2016
    There's a lot of conventional wisdom out there about not being a pushover and most of it is easy enough to conceptualize.

    What baffles me is, there have been times where people begin to pick on me after only knowing me for a couple hours.

    How do they pick up on this weakness so quickly?
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  2. Misery

    Misery Photo-Negative V.I.P Member

    Aug 10, 2016
    It's in the other types of communication you might do without being aware of it. Different people have different ability when it comes to this sort of thing. Some might be very good at picking up on it. Others might be terrible.

    The most common way, as I understand it, is to read your body language and facial expressions. Alot about you, how you're feeling, what you're thinking, these things are shown in those aspects. While many on the spectrum cant process this aspect, most NTs can.

    Another is your voice. I dont really hear people talk about this one much. This is the one I'm good at. If you were to talk to me, vocally, I can read everything in your voice that isnt the actual words you're using. I know how you're feeling, I know what you're thinking, often I even know what you're about to do or say. No, I dont know how I do this. I suspect that is the same with those that read body language. They dont really know HOW it works... it just does. Sometimes, things are like that. They simply are.

    As such, dont expect a hugely detailed explanation of these things. There's all sorts of theories and such related to how the brain processes this stuff, but really, it varies wildly from one person to the next.

    One way or another though, I tell you this: try to have confidence in yourself. Stop thinking of yourself as weak. If you change the way you're thinking, people will naturally stop picking on you. This is a lesson I learned the hard way. Was bullied endlessly through my school years. These days though, most people simply avoid me or get out of my way, despite that I'm as physically imposing as a flower. That's just how strong these non-vocal forms of communication can be... it has a very strong effect on whoever is receiving it.

    So yeah... think positive. The better your attitude and confidence, the less often you'll have that trouble.

    Hope some of that helped instead of just making it more confusing.
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  3. GadAbout

    GadAbout Well-Known Member

    Dec 20, 2018
    Some of your initial interactions can determine your perceived status. Let's say a co-worker asks you to do something for him. Some people will reply "sorry bud, busy right now" or "that's above my pay grade" (jokingly), but others will do what is requested without protest.
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  4. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Aug 18, 2018
    If you feel the need to pick on someone, you gonna choose someone that looks like Charles Manson, someone who looks like the Rock, or someone more along the lines of Steve Erkle or Potsy? That's the first thing they look at.
  5. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Aug 28, 2013
    Predatory instincts. Some are more honed than others.
    Last edited: Sep 22, 2019
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