Hey it's me again. I am still with the person that I talked about earlier.
What happened was, I stuck it out for the whole year in his home states away. We had many good times, and many more BPD meltdowns.
It was finally time for me to come home with him. At one point the trauma from BPD built up and he exploded at me, calling me a narcissist and other things. I said to him that there was nothing I could do to help him anymore, at the time this was building up because he was in denial about having BPD at all, which was very confusing for me. He basically got the advice that he can't have BPD because he's autistic, because all autistic people have BPD to a degree. I disagree with this, and my partner has an extreme case of it. And when he said that he didn't have it and that I needed to stop pushing it, I figured there was nothing I could do to help him anymore. So close before the date we were going to actually take off for Oregon, my home state, all this went down. And in the end he promised that he'd do anything it took to come with me, and that he would never yell or be mean to me again. It was dramatic as always, he hospitalized himself, we sobbed on the phone together eventually and I invited him to my hotel room. I'm very attached and love him, and I don't get love anywhere else.
So fast forward a bit. Our trip was great, and he even helped me while I was in an irrational upset state. We got to my father's, who I hadn't seen since I was maybe 6 years old. Me and my partner got a bedroom for each other in the house and a spare room.
Quickly his promise was broken, I had gone through some really severe BPD episodes with him, particularly in the parking lot of a grocery store. Eventually within the month he fully embraced that he had BPD, offered to leave and live in the car when things like that happen, and bought many BPD workbooks. Was also working on getting disability and therapy. Whoo! He's honestly came a long ways.
But then.... one day he had an episode again, and then my father stepped in and really scared him. My father was not threatening anything but was overall very stern and intimidating. My partner was so scared he wanted to just leave for good.
It was very difficult for us, especially my partner, the two days before he left. We talked about it together and he told me that he'd let me make the decision. I told him it was best if we spent time apart while he got therapy. So his mother came and picked him up. We told each other that we loved each other forever, as always.
But now... Over the phone...
Despite the past and how terrified he's always sounded about leaving me, he immediately did remarkably well. It's been maybe little over a week and he's been way better off than I have. Going back on my last thread could help context, but I never, ever thought he would tell me that he doesn't know if he will always love me and refuse to come back even for visits.
I feel crushed beyond words. I am not doing well. Everything that is happening is everything that he intensely promised the whole year that wouldn't happen. Sleeping with him cured my insomnia, and now I feel miserable every night.
Last night over the phone, I was having a hard time communicating with him. I begged him that I was incapable of having the complex conversations he was wanting, and I just wanted to have love and comfort. I don't know why that was so hard for him to understand. Instead he was being very mean to me. And to be honest, his behavior is strange.
Often times, It's either he is very overconfident, or the opposite. He can be very domineering, correcting, and drive hard to get what he wants. Another thing is that he talks 75% of the time, and the only way to really have a conversation with him is to interrupt him, which he doesn't like.
His excuse has always been, that he does it because he's so scared of hurting me. But I don't feel like he misses me much....
I need help, support and someone to talk to. I read every one of your guy's posts last time and I'm sorry.
I don't get love from my family. I've been barred in glass my whole life and my partner is the only one that can get through it to be with me. I'm feeling loss, abandoned, terrified and doom.
What happened was, I stuck it out for the whole year in his home states away. We had many good times, and many more BPD meltdowns.
It was finally time for me to come home with him. At one point the trauma from BPD built up and he exploded at me, calling me a narcissist and other things. I said to him that there was nothing I could do to help him anymore, at the time this was building up because he was in denial about having BPD at all, which was very confusing for me. He basically got the advice that he can't have BPD because he's autistic, because all autistic people have BPD to a degree. I disagree with this, and my partner has an extreme case of it. And when he said that he didn't have it and that I needed to stop pushing it, I figured there was nothing I could do to help him anymore. So close before the date we were going to actually take off for Oregon, my home state, all this went down. And in the end he promised that he'd do anything it took to come with me, and that he would never yell or be mean to me again. It was dramatic as always, he hospitalized himself, we sobbed on the phone together eventually and I invited him to my hotel room. I'm very attached and love him, and I don't get love anywhere else.
So fast forward a bit. Our trip was great, and he even helped me while I was in an irrational upset state. We got to my father's, who I hadn't seen since I was maybe 6 years old. Me and my partner got a bedroom for each other in the house and a spare room.
Quickly his promise was broken, I had gone through some really severe BPD episodes with him, particularly in the parking lot of a grocery store. Eventually within the month he fully embraced that he had BPD, offered to leave and live in the car when things like that happen, and bought many BPD workbooks. Was also working on getting disability and therapy. Whoo! He's honestly came a long ways.
But then.... one day he had an episode again, and then my father stepped in and really scared him. My father was not threatening anything but was overall very stern and intimidating. My partner was so scared he wanted to just leave for good.
It was very difficult for us, especially my partner, the two days before he left. We talked about it together and he told me that he'd let me make the decision. I told him it was best if we spent time apart while he got therapy. So his mother came and picked him up. We told each other that we loved each other forever, as always.
But now... Over the phone...
Despite the past and how terrified he's always sounded about leaving me, he immediately did remarkably well. It's been maybe little over a week and he's been way better off than I have. Going back on my last thread could help context, but I never, ever thought he would tell me that he doesn't know if he will always love me and refuse to come back even for visits.
I feel crushed beyond words. I am not doing well. Everything that is happening is everything that he intensely promised the whole year that wouldn't happen. Sleeping with him cured my insomnia, and now I feel miserable every night.
Last night over the phone, I was having a hard time communicating with him. I begged him that I was incapable of having the complex conversations he was wanting, and I just wanted to have love and comfort. I don't know why that was so hard for him to understand. Instead he was being very mean to me. And to be honest, his behavior is strange.
Often times, It's either he is very overconfident, or the opposite. He can be very domineering, correcting, and drive hard to get what he wants. Another thing is that he talks 75% of the time, and the only way to really have a conversation with him is to interrupt him, which he doesn't like.
His excuse has always been, that he does it because he's so scared of hurting me. But I don't feel like he misses me much....
I need help, support and someone to talk to. I read every one of your guy's posts last time and I'm sorry.
I don't get love from my family. I've been barred in glass my whole life and my partner is the only one that can get through it to be with me. I'm feeling loss, abandoned, terrified and doom.
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