Overthinking

[Paddington Frisk]

So I tend to have a habit of majorly overthinking stuff. I can play out past events in my head to pick them apart completely (usually in the moment I'm trying hard enough to get by to actually pay attention to what's happening), or I go over possible future scenarios in my head to "practice" difficult situations that might arise.

However, this goes up to 11 when I fancy a girl, and it kicks my butt everytime. It starts out okay, I feel like there's some chemistry, and then I start overanalysing everything she says or does or texts, and I either get way too desperate and clingy or fail to make my intentions clear and end up in the friendzone. It's just so hard to interpret signals, I keep doubting myself if she's just being nice or genuinely interested in me but just a bit awkward, like me.

So does anyone have any tips to stop the overthinking? I was texting with this girl and she suddenly stopped responding yesterday and since then I keep being locked up in my head and not able to focus on the stuff I need to get done. Any help would be appreciated!

 

[ksheehan88]

I wish I had some advice for you but unfortunately I work in exactly the same way.

 

[Kirsty]

All the time! To the point where I went white faced yesterday at work, apparently, and around my eyes were all pink. My left eye looked ‘lazy’. Too much over analyzing about what happened or might happen drains me so much and I can’t process how I feel in words to other people because, one, I don’t want them to know my business and two, I’ll end up crying which will definitely make them ask lots of questions, so I keep a lid on my emotions and prefer to do my work through the motions in silence. I don’t mind telling them stuff, but not this current situation. No tips from me, sorry. Someone else will have some ideas, though.

 

[Streetwise]

So I tend to have a habit of majorly overthinking stuff. I can play out past events in my head to pick them apart completely (usually in the moment I'm trying hard enough to get by to actually pay attention to what's happening), or I go over possible future scenarios in my head to "practice" difficult situations that might arise.

However, this goes up to 11 when I fancy a girl, and it kicks my butt everytime. It starts out okay, I feel like there's some chemistry, and then I start overanalysing everything she says or does or texts, and I either get way too desperate and clingy or fail to make my intentions clear and end up in the friendzone. It's just so hard to interpret signals, I keep doubting myself if she's just being nice or genuinely interested in me but just a bit awkward, like me.

So does anyone have any tips to stop the overthinking? I was texting with this girl and she suddenly stopped responding yesterday and since then I keep being locked up in my head and not able to focus on the stuff I need to get done. Any help would be appreciated!

I have the ever present anxiety to help me ,it never fails ,I have to remember I just don't have the strength I used to so have to be still ,Think about your breathing,I stay still long enough till I get that wonderful breath .
I'm just doing a form of mindfulness you could do it by focusing on an image or an area or sound being calm does wonders for you

 

[Chance]

So does anyone have any tips to stop the overthinking?

Hi, and welcome by the way...
If there is anything I am an "expert" at, it would be overthinking... Its maddening sometimes. I am taking some classes that are showing me how to switch what I am thinking... It helps, but there is a guy on here who is pretty good about tripping me up, and when he does... It stops! It stops no matter how bad of a funk I'm in. So far it has worked everytime... But I think its that I dont expect some off the wall confusing thing to be thrown at me, and that gets my attention. Not sure???

So if you run into Fridgemagnetman... I dont know if he knows what he does works, but it does... I think he is a ZEN teacher in hiding...???

Thats super cool that he can do this for me, but I need to learn how to do it for myself... Thats where I get stuck...

Oh, and dont tell him I bragged on him, and lets just pretend he wont see this...

So Fridge when you see this... I was just having a lapse of sanity during my juggling lessons, while chasing non-existant balloons, and looking up every song PINK sings, because you meant PUNK... Geez. : )

 

[WereBear]

Oh gosh, yes. Yesterday was a nightmare of gaming scenarios through my head. All because one of my bosses is a Missing Stair.

Just about every workplace has that one person who doesn't do their job, but everyone's grown accustomed to picking up their slack. A lot of social groups and families have that one person. The person whose tip you quietly add a couple bucks to. (Maybe more than a couple, after how they talked to the server.) The person you don't bother arguing with when they get off on one of their rants. The person you try really, really hard not to make angry, because they're perfectly nice so long as no one makes them angry.

I know not all these people can be fixed, and sometimes they can't be escaped either. But the least you can do is recognize them, and that they are the problem. Stop thinking that your inability to accommodate them is the problem.

The missing stair
​

This is such a solid concept, and that's exactly what is going on. We run a complicated bunch of things at work, and we are a non-profit, so there's not enough money and people. But we're all bright and dedicated except for the missing stair person. And we're all racing up and down the stairs to get our work done, and if we forget to allow for the Missing Stair... we fall down the stairs and hurt ourselves.

I had ONE work at home day in my previous position, and now I am even more set up for it, and much more in need of it, and my boss said SURE to two days, but it has to be run by the Missing Stair. It's been a week, and I have to keep my mouth shut because my boss is figuring out how she can jump over the
Missing Stair to get her work done, and it's all so stupid and stressful and pointless and counter-productive.

The Missing Stair harasses me in a million subtle ways, and keeps me on edge, and I can't complain about it because it's all so petty and ridiculous, especially taken one at a time. Which is how organizations often handle such problems. They move in so close the thing gets isolated, and they point to it and say, "This? This one thing? No big deal." And they do it individually long enough to make you feel petty.

But it's not just a bunch of little things. It's a whole BEACH of little things. And my boat is running aground on it.

 

[WereBear]

So, what I did to cope with it yesterday was hang out on the site Ask a Manager, reading stories of utterly ridiculous and amazingly bad work situations, and it helped me put things in perspective.

We have to pull back and see the whole picture. We also have to let go of the illusion of control.

A lot of us have these engineering-type brains where we love to arrange things with the proper forces and levers and such, and everything works smoothly, and we make happy squee sounds. But a lot of other people just don't care about that, even though, I agree, that is very stupid and pointless.

But they prefer their illusions. I think pretending is a way of manipulating the world and apply what I have decided is a Theory. But such people fall into the trap of thinking their imaginations have real power, and affect the material world.

It does not. The only things we control are ourselves.

Everything else has to be negotiated.

So I have been taking this weekend just to take all the pressure off myself, and sit in a room alone with my Harold Budd and Brian Eno (the channel on Sirius known as Spa Music, for instance) and read and play on my computer instead of producing work, and I feel better.

Don't fall for the illusion. Recognize our mental scenarios for what they are. And then, just, do our best. That is all we can do, and all that can be asked of us.

 

[Tcx]

Same here. The overthinking and/or overanalyzing ability works well when certain equation I'm solving has solutions. Overall the ability is a burden when it comes to any other kind of questions. I would repeatedly replayed the moment I couldn't realize in my mind(colorful and vivid) until I got the solution or breakdown.
Method I'm using now is to not only think in mind but write what I analyze on a list since asking others isn't that kind useful and I've exhausted most of my friends' patience and willing.
For example, if I'm going to overanalyze someone (even though I don't have a crash on him/her) I'll still be sticked on that person and the repetition will drive me crazy. It's always too hard to halt the circulation(think about it-no resolution-thinkning) so I make a list picking out what point make me anxious, fear, feel something insoluble, or rise anger. It helps me free my attention, be under control and stop being into those insoluble questions.
To be honest I don't think that this is a good method so I'm still finding a better one. Not every time I can properly analyze others' baffling behaviors without dropping into the line between reality and illusion. Besides, once I told my father what I analyzed, he got freaking mad. I realize the overanalyzing stuff is just because I personally don't do those actions and weird emotion expression so I keep trying to get their meanings and it's often useless.

 

[Judge]

I'm afraid in my own case that's a "classic" trait I considered to be "hard-wired" neurologically speaking.

Worse, I suspect most of us here would probably agree.

It's what we do.

 

[Beguiling Orbit]

+1 on overthinking. I try to accept it and let it run its course unless I realize that it's upsetting people around me. Then I try to figure out a way to short circuit it--usually by trying to put myself in their shoes.

 

[dragoncat16]

If you are worried about the fact that she stopped texting you, maybe it was for a reason that had nothing to do with you. Perhaps her phone battery died or she got really busy with something else, or something like that.

If that girl is not interested in you, there is nothing you can do about it. You just have to move on. It's most likely not something you did or said, unless you mentioned to her that you're late for your weekly puppy-kicking session or something.

It's odd for me to give advice like that because I'm a big overthinker too, and then I start asking people I know to analyse conversations for me to see if they understand what the other person was thinking. Nothing productive ever comes of that, so there's no point in torturing yourself.

 

[fairy_girl]

It's always over what I care most about and it's really bad then I'll get alot of blackheads on the sides of my nose.

It's very frustrating but I do try to meditate and do some deep breathing exercises. Overthinking things just sucks!

 

[Kirsty]

I'm a big overthinker too, and then I start asking people I know to analyse conversations for me to see if they understand what the other person was thinking.

haha yes, this is typically what I do as well when I’m lucky enough to have someone around who I can open up to. I usually only do this if I’m at my wits end, confused and really down in the dumps for a long period of time. Sometimes I’ll ask other people right away to save myself from falling into a deep hole.

 

[WereBear]

Remember, if another person is interested in you... nothing will stop them!

And if they are not... nothing will work.

That makes things much easier for me, anyway

 

[Kirsty]

Remember, if another person is interested in you... nothing will stop them!

And if they are not... nothing will work.

That makes things much easier for me, anyway

Exactly. I’ve stopped chasing people. F**k it. Especially when I feel the relation is one-sided. The people who I’m not talking to right now knows where I live so it’ll show they care if they show up and really want me back in their life.

 

[Tom]

I don't know if Aspies and overthinking are related, but would find it easy to believe. I certainly do. Thinking and doing are two different things however, and if you can't stop the thinking you often can stop the doing until you have considered it fully, slept on it, etc.

 

[JDartistic]

OMG. I luv u!

Seriously, u r describing my life.

& when it’s gone, it takes a really long time to pick yourself back up.

But u will. Bc u must.

Don’t be like JDartistic. Get over this crap & do anything else but self absorb bc the latter will turn u into ME.

Don’t be me! Fight this sh””t. Create beauty, not self-absorption, cuz that turns into self-hate!

 

[Adora]

Definitely a over thinker,I have to overthink everything in my my head and it does leave to anxiety,it’s definitely something I really struggle with daily and it’s sometimes drives my husband nuts.

 

[paloftoon]

I do the same thing. Here are some things that have helped me (when I actually do them.)

1. Drink plenty of fluids.
2. Keep yourself busy.
3. Try to spend time with friends if possible.
4. Go to events you want to do.
5. Catch up on or do work or that video game or book you want to do so badly.

I've also gotten the point where I kept myself so "busy" that I get overwhelmed and actually have to choose to make cut-backs or adjustments. I have made so much going on that I sometimes have a backup plan if Plan A doesn't work out.

Sometimes, it hurts when acquaintances tell me that I need to look for something to do, because they obviously don't know me at this point. I followed that advice to heart so much that if I were to continue to follow it, it would be detrimental for me. If you can talk to people, especially people that don't mind hearing the same thing over and over, that can help. Posting on forums and asking about specifics beforehand can help. If you have go-to friends you can ask about things you are unsure about or thoughts you're having, then use them, but also show appreciation for their efforts (take them out to eat every now and then, etc. It's totally worth it, and may save you some visits to a therapist.)

Remember, people who give advice should always be considered, but no one can anticipate when or how things may change. Always try your best to take advice when it seems appropriate to follow, and you have to try to determine when/if a pattern or something needs to change otherwise for the context of situations. I hope this helps. Good luck.

 

[OkRad]

To me, it's not overthinking. It's seeking out the truth. NTs could care less about the truth. They love rotting their brains with bad music, terrible food, doing whatever makes them feel good.

Aspies are truth seekers if we are anything. I never consider myself overthinking. I consider myself seeking the truth.

Where it hurts is because the truth is SO HARD TO FIND and so slippery. One day maybe that person DOES like you, the next, maybe they are thinking Forget It. It would never work. Maybe on another day, they are simply sexually attracted and the next, really wanting to get to know you..........

As as Aspie, the exhaustion is chasing the every altering truth, but we are very good at it.