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overly casual date and a decent date


Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
About 3 weeks ago, I matched up with a date and he drove 41 miles to see me. We talked and the talk was socially awkward. He was very vague the entire time pretty much- things like I like to do "lots" of things but wasn't real specific. When I was specific and tried to invite him to do stuff, he wasn't interested. He even started to play on his phone and I asked him if he needed a cell break. He told me "no" and continued to do so at times. I then proceeded to do the same in response. I assumed he wasn't interested and left it at that basically.

On his profile, he said he was working, going to school, and a business owner. When I asked him about these things, he said he was currently in transition with these things. He wouldn't specify what he meant by "business owner" on his profile. He lived with his family. I thought he had good aspirations and he is only 25. So, all of this didn't bother me.

Yesterday, I get a text initiated from him which surprised me. So, then I ask if he's looking to meet up again and he's not sure about his schedule. I take that as weird and tell him I'm not looking for chat only. He talks about how he only knows his schedule for the current week. But then he doesn't answer availability for multiple days either. Then, I proceed to ask him if he's looking specifically for a sugar daddy and his doesn't reply directly and asks if I am proposing to be one. I tell him I am not looking to do such things. He then asked me why I asked him and I told him that he doesn't work, depends on his family to be able to do the things he is currently doing (hanging with family, other friends, and going to bars and going out). I then tell him it's not going to work because he is not able to schedule something with me. He then assumed that I wanted to rush things and for him to move in with me. I told him that is not the case, but what I do want to "rush" is some minimal physical contact (kissing and cuddling) and hanging out in-person more often instead of off his whim. He was claiming he treats all his "friends" the same way and I told him that I am okay with him meeting and seeing people as I am trying to do the same, but being able to schedule and meet from time to time is important to me even for a friendship.

What bothered me about this whole experience is that because he re-contacted me after so long, despite our differences, there was some interest apparently. He pointed this out and I thanked him for that and told him I had interest in him too, but the quality of not guaranteeing meeting was a total turn off. It was like he expected me to be okay with being a 2nd, 3rd, or 4th class "friend". if he feels like it, he can contact me and see if I'm free. We had a convo that indicated that he does get a ton of matches. He lives in NJ and FL and has that FL tan and some heritage contributing to that certain look that a lot of people desire.

Even though I was open to doing his interests a little at a time even if I didn't like them or didn't like doing them alone, this was kind of not enough for him. He didn't want it to feel like he was dragging me around. In the same token, it seemed he didn't want to give my nerdy interests a chance either. He assumed I stayed at home all day and that I had no friends at all. I had to tell him all my friends currently are all nerdy, and I do get out. But I go to mostly nerdy things like escape rooms and board game meetups. I do more active stuff, but I tend to do them alone because everyone else I know doesn't want to do it at all or it's all they want to do. Many want to go constantly, and the fewer I've met that want to do a more balanced amount of physical activity I haven't cliqued with basically. It's a been a mix of being with such people, but currently don't have any active friends. Not opposed to having a variety of friends, but I have to work with the situation I'm in too.

There was a sense of the whole idea of our technology and entitlement has lead some people to live so happy-go-lucky with minimal responsibility. This is more extreme than some of the other encounters I've had, and I'm still looking.

It did make me a bit sad though. Some of the people doing better overall are just not attracted to me physically or I'm not attracted to them. I guess I'm asking if there's something I could be missing to all this. Sorry that this is probably not well organized enough and easy enough to read.


The decent date, he is very passive, but also very likeable personality. I liked only one of his pictures, and not the others, and I pretty much like everything else about him- reasonable stability, seems open to doing things. He was doing two jobs before, so wasn't getting out much. He doesn't seem to be a competitive person for things though, and I do like to be competitive sometimes if I can hang. It feels weird to be dating someone working for a haircut place, but then I don't think they have a good hairstyle. Reasonably communicative. 99% shallowness on my end basically.
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I think you definitely made the correct call with the first one. All of us want to feel wanted, needed, desired. If that isn't there then there will be no relationship.

I don't understand this dating business though. Only two times in my life have I ever decided to meet someone through an ad, and both times it felt plastic, false, forced. It totally weirded me out.

In all the relationships I've had over the years everything has happened in a much more organic fashion, meet by chance and notice that we both like each other.

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