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other peoples' feeling about you??

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by AwkwardSilence, Dec 2, 2019 at 8:55 AM.

  1. AwkwardSilence

    AwkwardSilence Active Member

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    How do you try to judge whether someone really likes you or just pretends to? Are there questions you ask yourself or clues you look for?
     
  2. Streetwise

    Streetwise very cautious contributor V.I.P Member

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    they sound slightly angry or they move away slightly
     
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  3. Wolf Prince

    Wolf Prince My future job title.

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    Watch their actions.
     
  4. AwkwardSilence

    AwkwardSilence Active Member

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    Moving away from you is easy enough to notice. Wolf, can you give some other examples?
     
  5. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    In a single first encounter, I'd think there would be little chance of immediately being able to determine such a thing in real time. That several repeat encounters are more likely to expose how someone truly feels towards you.

    Otherwise you're pretty much left with your own intuition and little else. Which may be of little use if the person you're encountering is having a bad day unrelated to you personally.
     
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  6. Wolf Prince

    Wolf Prince My future job title.

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    Yeah. Watch for patterns in their behaviour around you and other people. Over time this should give you an idea. One thing be careful that your feelings dont get involved they can blind you to the persons true intentions.
     
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  7. Aspychata

    Aspychata My Art Work

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    For me , l ask myself about how l feel. If the passion and intensity is the same everytime l see them, then it's real to me and l know l really care. But you can't shove your care and feelings on anybody no matter how much you like them. Plus l am mature and l really know what l really like at this age.

    What is it that you struggle with l would ask the OP?
     
  8. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    What difference does it make?
     
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  9. NothingToSeeHere

    NothingToSeeHere Asexuowl V.I.P Member

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    If they make an effort to spend time with me I assume they like me.
     
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  10. asperagus

    asperagus A vegetable on the spectrum

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    I break it down by categories:
    1. Family: if they like me, then great. If they "pretend to like me", then there are ulterior motives, but pretending to like someone is generally rare among family - they get much more aggressive with manipulative tactics "in the name of family"
    2. "Friends" - if they "pretend to like me", they're not a friend. Whatever the ulterior motive may be (try to recruit me into a pyramid scheme, get me to drive them around town, etc.), I let them go. Don't have much time for friends these days, so even friends to genuinely like me don't stick for long. Maybe I'll have more time for friends one day
    3. Professional contacts - either they're legit and like to collaborate, or they want to manipulate to serve their ulterior motives. I tend to see through that fast, and I utilize professional networks for my own needs, and anyone who wants to convert "co-worker" relationship into friendship as part of a genuine desire for friendship is more rare than a desert flowers
    4. Any other circles...I have online contacts in special interest groups. Can't really exploit each other because the block button is one click away.
    But I can see where for some people, especially if they give a lot of importance to friendships, can struggle with this.
     
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  11. Thinx

    Thinx Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I don't really come up against this, I suppose people who pretend to like you would have to have an ulterior motive, like you're rich or stunningly attractive, or influential. I'm not. So I generally work on the idea that if they seem to like me, they do actually like me. It doesn't happen a lot...
     
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  12. Streetwise

    Streetwise very cautious contributor V.I.P Member

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    i presume everybody is two faced and Id be blissful if they didnt exist
     
  13. tducey

    tducey Well-Known Member

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    I like for people to like me, I think of myself as well liked. People will like you in most cases if you give them reason to.
     
  14. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

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    I can't really tell, but a person who doesn't like me will keep things superficial and polite, at arm's length and not want to get involved with me. I suggest doing something together, and they find excuses not to accept. But they might do that for other reasons, too - they might not have time or energy for new social contacts, or they have enough friends in their life already and aren't looking for more. Not that I meet a lot of new people anyway, or have many social contacts.

    It's much easier to tell when someone likes you than when someone doesn't or is neutral/indifferent.
     
  15. AwkwardSilence

    AwkwardSilence Active Member

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    Well, I posted this because, many years ago, I lived with and worked for a family that seemed to encourage me to consider myself one of them. When the job ended, they ecouraged me to come back and stay anytime. And it seemed to me they had the warmth and openness you'd expect.

    I did visit them a few times, and nothing went wrong as far as I could tell.

    A few years later, after being out of communication, I learned that there had been a wedding in the family, and that several people I would have considered similar in friendship status were invited.

    When I had the chance to address the issue directly with them (Asp inclinination toward direct communication came in here), the family member I asked laughed at me and pretty much let me know I'd been a fool.

    These were people I'd really valued as being like a second family. But that was the end of it.

    Just one other example: a work friend from much later in my life. After the job ended, we'd invited him to dinner (I cook) and had visited him for coffee once. At that visit he said, "You should invite me over again. I really like your cooking." If he meant that seriously, I didn't want anything more to do with him. If it was a joke, it was very unfunny to me.