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Opinions Please. Maybe support?

Kel78

New Member
Hello.
I have high functioning autism.
I am 44.
I also have meltdowns when I get overwhelmed. Some people interpret my actions to keep it all under control as rude. I am then often judged for being over emotional.
When I have a meltdown, I cannot properly communicate. I am shunned for this and encouraged to apologize for my behaviour even though I'm unsure what I've done.
This is really embarrassing. Has not improved with time or therapy. I feel a great deal of shame.
I try to explain myself but that makes things worse.
I don't want a pitty party. I understand I have a communication disorder. I just feel very ashamed of who I am.
 

Forest Cat

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I think many here understand what you mean. You shouldn't be ashamed of yourself, think of all the crazy things so called normal people do. I'm sure you're not the worst. I had terrible meltdowns when I was younger and I was also ashamed.
 

Atrapa Almas

70% INTJ + 30% ASPIE = 100% HUMAN
V.I.P Member
Meltdowns cant be handled, just prevented.

Its like feeling bad because you cant walk properly after you broke your leg. Sleeping, healthy eating, sport, identify what are your stressors, talking with family how should they behave when it will happen and what should they avoid to help you stay calm and in control.

Probably others will tell you better strategies, but those are the basic ones I can remind now.

Welcome! :)
 

Tom

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Those annoying meltdowns/shutdowns. Yeah most of us have or did have them.

Not easy to suggest fixes. We are all so different the solutions seem to be very individual.

One idea to to try and recognize the early warning signs and take evasive action before they can fully develop.
 
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Neonatal RRT

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Hello.
I have high functioning autism.
I am 44.
I also have meltdowns when I get overwhelmed. Some people interpret my actions to keep it all under control as rude. I am then often judged for being over emotional.
When I have a meltdown, I cannot properly communicate. I am shunned for this and encouraged to apologize for my behaviour even though I'm unsure what I've done.
This is really embarrassing. Has not improved with time or therapy. I feel a great deal of shame.
I try to explain myself but that makes things worse.
I don't want a pitty party. I understand I have a communication disorder. I just feel very ashamed of who I am.
Welcome to the club. Look,...emotions are a serious "control thing" with me,...for just the reasons you've stated so well. This gets into the topic "masking" and "being yourself" and the harmful psychological effects of "internalization". If I just let go,...frankly, I am not quite sure how to do it anymore,...but if I did, I would revert to my childhood days and the ways I behaved. Clearly not appropriate for a 55 yr old professional working with the public and a team that depends on me to keep my head on straight.

You're 44,...you're not a kid anymore,...and I am acutely aware of the social and communication delays associated with our condition. An underlying anxiety condition,...even if it is "subclinical",...can be a trigger for mental stress and emotional outbursts,...meltdowns,...shutdowns,...social and communication errors. I can say with certainty that maintaining an "even keel" and "emotional neutrality" is incredibly difficult,...it can be mentally exhausting,...to the point where all you want to do is nap the day away when you have a day off from work. BUT,...I have to do it. Self-awareness, having that internal monologue on, thinking constantly, pausing before your responses,...all of that is happening. BUT,...I have to do it. The moment you go "au natural" and let your quick wit get the better of you,...something flies out of your mouth,...and that's when people get offended or confused. That crap happens,...at least once a week with me,...and then I have to quickly apologize,...or worse, it might take me a few hours or days to process what just happened. "Well, I could have handled that better." "What did I learn today?...Don't do THAT."

Also: Take care of your brain. Seriously. People with heart, kidney, pancreatic, liver conditions,...all have to take certain special care with themselves. The brain is no different. Diet, exercise, sleep, supplements,...all have a role to play in having your brain operate as best that it can.
 

Kel78

New Member
Chatting here is helping. Thank you NeonatalRRT.
Meltdowns like the one I had prompting this post are rare. I was in a very unfamiliar situation and those with me assured me they'd understand. Yet when it happened, I couldn't explain myself at all. I then perseverated on explaining myself, which made if all worse.
I do feel less shame from it all. I still feel misunderstood. I'm starting my Master's of Diversity in Education. It has been an excellent way to connect with other's interested in Diversity.
Sometimes after a meltdown though, I over-apologize and over-explain. I feel bad other's are affected by me being triggered and unable to properly communicate.
 

VictorR

Random Member
V.I.P Member
Hello and welcome!

Meltdowns are okay. They happen. Sometimes we just can't control a situation, or something unexpected happens, etc. What we can do is to learn from them, try to identify what triggered the meltdown and try to keep ourselves safe, and to prepare for things that might upset us.
 

Gerald Wilgus

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Self-awareness, having that internal monologue on, thinking constantly, pausing before your responses,...all of that is happening. BUT,...I have to do it. The moment you go "au natural" and let your quick wit get the better of you,...something flies out of your mouth,...and that's when people get offended or confused.
It took me about to the age of 45 before I mastered myself.
 

Owliet

The Owl Lady
V.I.P Member
I always feel heavily embarrassed and upset when I have a meltdown. I feel like this because I’ve lost control of myself and I feel a lot of remorse to anyone I’ve hurt. I usually resort to harming myself as a means to self punish and to regroup myself which I know Is definitely not good. I’m working on this. I used to have frequent meltdowns as a kid over ridiculous reasons. Now, I’m ”fortunate” that they only seem to happen when I am under a ton of stress that I can’t control Or if I feel like I’m falling a part. In these moments I often feel like I Fail to identify what fully triggers It until I have a period of melancholy reflection in the aftermath. Best way to move on, is to learn the triggers, if there’s any strategic planning to try to prevent it from happening and try be kind to yourself in the aftermath. :)
 

Suzanne

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Recently, due to my routine getting disrupted, which was no fault of the person who caused that disruption, it actually unhinged me when I was participating in a bible study and had to apologise to my student; but her reaction was so kind and calmed me. Basically, a lot of my traits just popped out, but, since her youngest daughter has ADHD and possibly ASD, she just accepts me as I am and also, others who know me, also accept me, because they have worked with those who are on the spectrum, but it is true, that anyone encountering us having a meltdown etc, will certainly not look with favour on us and see it has just a tantrum. I mean, it is not acceptable for a child to have a tantrum, when it is fairly normal for a child, so how much more so, when an adult behaves similar?

I recently had a tooth removed and the dentist smacked my hand away, due to an instrument being too loud in my ear and the light being too bright. He had no kindness in him.
 

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