ok I need to start acting like a human at work

[selena]

Transferred to a different department so i got a fresh start so to speak. Everyone was nice at first and assumed I was shy, but lately they seem to have begun to realize that I'm just weird.

Sometimes I imagine joining them in the break room, but then I'm getting flashbacks of that time in college I tried to be a part of a group because supposedly everyone in college was more mature and accepting than the people in high school, but I would later find out most of the group was making fun of me behind my back anyway.

Not sure if a one-on-one setting would work in this case, since most of them are guys and I *definitely* would come across as flirting instead of awkwardly trying to fit in.

 

[unperson]

can relate, doesn't take em long. If it's mostly guys, maybe don't try to mix with them, it usually gets misinterpreted.

 

[Gracey]

Use the break room at different times?

If that isn't possible,
you have the same freedoms to use that break room as every other employee,

if you do find yourself in the break room with the guys,
'talk shop'.

Of course it depends on what you're employed to do but in the past I've found very little sexiness in the meat and bones details of job responsibilities across different departments.

I fail to see how 'talking shop' can come across as flirting?

 

[Thinx]

Difficult if it's all guys, where it may be misunderstood, otherwise I would suggest trying to gain some familiarity with one person who then can be a stepping stone to you establishing credibility as a weird but ok person. That's generally been my previous tactic, that and getting promoted. Is there a gay guy?

 

[Aspychata]

l like these ideas. Maybe reach out to the least threatening male that is more low-key. If you are sorta friendly with one that should be okay for group acceptance. l use to try to be friendly with everyone, but in a busy place, you really can't. Now l just make it a point to be friendly with the go-to person or the easiest to get along. But l totally relate to the being seen as flirting denominator.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I wear my autism puzzle piece logo on my ID badge at work. All my close co-workers know.

It is not uncommon for neurotypicals to sense something "different" about someone, and then, without any intellectual curiosity, will point it out to others within their little social group, or simply try to avoid this person. Again, without intellectual curiosity to seek out the facts,...things may be interpreted wrong,...or worse, the toxic behavior ensues.

There are tactful ways to "come out" as autistic,...especially with an adult group of "professionals",...who should have some degree of social and professional maturity. You don't have to elaborate on what autism is necessarily (some education is warranted), but perhaps what that may mean when interacting with you,...that you think differently,...Mac OS vs. Microsoft Windows analogy. It may mean that you may ask their professional opinions on topics. Once they get to know you, and realize that, in some ways, you might have those special talents, they may treat you with a bit more respect. Seriously,...who, within a professional environment makes fun at someone with a "diagnosis"? That said, we have all worked with individuals who really should have their employment terminated due to poor decision making or behavior,...and don't have any "medical" reason to explain their behavior,...which is another reason to sometimes have your co-workers aware. My co-workers may, in certain circumstances, give me some understanding "grace" when I am having a particularly "bad day". Every workplace tends to have that one individual who is the first to secretly sneak off to the the manager and complain about everyone and everything,...sometimes it is helpful to be one step ahead of them by being "open" with your autism.

 

[Mia]

Sometimes I imagine joining them in the break room, but then I'm getting flashbacks of that time in college I tried to be a part of a group because supposedly everyone in college was more mature and accepting than the people in high school, but I would later find out most of the group was making fun of me behind my back anyway.

That seemed not true at all, in fact it seemed as if the college students were more juvenile than some high school students, especially the ones who were away from home for the first time. But there were exceptions with the more serious students at college.

Found my male co-workers easier to be around when I worked. But in a sort of distanced way. Initially I would keep to myself, until I figured out the hierarchy. Who was loud, who the joke teller was, who complained, who talked only about themselves. Listening but not participating. Because I don't gossip I didn't hang out with people who did, but I did listen in to the lunch room conversations. Eventually I would talk to one person, usually the quiet person.

Oh, and the fact that it's mostly guys in the break room, should be a clue as to why few women are in there. Some of the women may be attached, or older, or want quiet to eat by themselves, same with some of the other men who do not congregate in the break room.

 

[_eri_bellehumeur]

It's difficult. I completely stopped trying to get to know people in work situations because I just don't know how to human. Of course I respond as best I can when asked questions or greeted, but...the chit-chat... I just don't know how to do it! If they want to know about mythology, fairytales or random historical facts I can help with that, but otherwise can't help ya.

I was really excited for college (and nervous of course) because I thought this same thing, but it's really just a different world with the same people I can't relate to and rarely find interesting (not trying to be rude about this either- I know they would likewise be bored silly of my random interests which are completely separate from reality).

I saw a video a while ago talking about an experiment in which 3 groups of people; group 1 was all neurotypical/non autistic individuals, group 2 was composed of people with ASD and group 3 was a mix of neurotypical and autistic individuals. Each group had to play a game of "telephone" (I know it's called different things in different places so to explain, it's that game where the group sits in a circle, one person makes up a message and whispers it to the person next to them, and the whispered message makes its way around the circle, and often comes out sounding very odd by the end of it). Both group 1 and 2 communicated the message quite well, but group 3, the group with a mix of people failed to communicate the message correctly. For me, communicating with people at work/school and really every other environment has always felt like that- my message wasn't getting across as intended and neither was theirs, through no fault of either parties there is just a degree of disconnect there.

I've gotten into the habit of always bringing a book or something to occupy me so I don't feel weird about not socializing, and if anybody is curious enough to ask about it, it seems to make interaction easier and feel more organic, as its something you're genuinely interested in.

 

[Misery]

Use the break room at different times?

If that isn't possible,
you have the same freedoms to use that break room as every other employee,

if you do find yourself in the break room with the guys,
'talk shop'.

Of course it depends on what you're employed to do but in the past I've found very little sexiness in the meat and bones details of job responsibilities across different departments.

I fail to see how 'talking shop' can come across as flirting?

To some people, standing 20 feet away and lightly coughing while staring blankly at a tree seems like "flirting" to them.

It's one of those things that usually doesnt make a whole lot of sense. So pretty much ANYTHING can be taken as flirting, because derp.



As for this overall topic, I always got around this issue by just being spiky and unapproachable at all times. I figured, if nobody wants to be around me, I wont have to deal with them. Worked out well, really.

"Socializing" at a workplace seems overrated anyway. It's one of those sorts of places where a lot of rather fake friendships are formed. Anyone who has dealt with coworkers enough probably knows what I mean.

Worry more about simply doing the job itself to the best of your ability. If you want to meet people, as in, REALLY meet people... do it elsewhere.

 

[selena]

Thanks all. It's too late because the people in the new department who were nice to me have been avoiding eye contact with me, and even when I was alone with this one guy I couldn't find a way to start a conversation organically.

But right now I'm more upset because one of the people who have always been friendly with me sounded like he was rolling his eyes when I thanked him for his help, possibly because my frustration at the bureaucracy was carried over to my interaction with him.