Odds Are Stacked Against Me

[KevinMao133]

Growing up I been told I was nothing

I been told I can never make it, I can never do anything, I am a nobody

chances are, odds are stacked against us

NTs think they experience challenges. Well those are nothing compared with what we experience on a day to day basis

women they me they hate me. No one likes me, every looks past me

they say I’m a bad person. No matter how much I try, nothing ever goes my way

the only thing that does go my way is academics, which is why I can spend all day studying, all day doing research

anyways, there isn’t much we can do, or I can do, since they don’t want to see us win

 

[Misery]

Well, I can tell ya one thing, which is that saying things like that to yourself over and over again really isnt helping you at all. Or anything else.

After all, it doesnt matter how many times you try at something... if you go into it every single time with the "I cant win" attitude, well, that lack of winning is probably what's going to happen, first time or the 1000th time. You're making it so, so much harder when you dont need to.

So... maybe dont do that?

Also whoever told you that you werent worth anything can go take a long walk off a short pier, into a very dirty lake.

 

[Kregan]

I fight with these feelings often, I deal with depression, and other mental issues, for the longest time before my diagnosis, I was always an outsider never part of the inside crowd making the jokes only the butt of them.

Even today I have an apartment, cheap rent, and solitude, but with that solitude I am left with my thoughts, and they seem to be always there right under the surface to rise up and remind me when I am not distracted from them, that dread of thoughts that lead me to want to throw it all away, and check into a psych ward.

I have checked in over 4 times in my life, and when I do it eventually is a reality check, I do better alone, and group therapy doesn't help me as others don't relate as much as I am in a more remote area.

A great analogy I remember when I start to stress about others is, when on an airplane "always secure your mask before assisting others," in other words worry about your issues and fixing them before worrying about other people's problems, with you or whatnot.

I find the best thing I can do, is put aside some time each day to take the time to stress and worry about life's bigger problems you face, and after I brainstorm the solutions and realize it isn't as complicated as you maybe feeling they are in the moment.

Take a few deep breaths and let the worry go, keep the thoughts, but let the stress diminish.

Even when I get mad about something I did, I usually turn that to disappointment so I can learn from the mistake and move on faster.

 

[KevinMao133]

Well, I can tell ya one thing, which is that saying things like that to yourself over and over again really isnt helping you at all. Or anything else.

After all, it doesnt matter how many times you try at something... if you go into it every single time with the "I cant win" attitude, well, that lack of winning is probably what's going to happen, first time or the 1000th time. You're making it so, so much harder when you dont need to.

So... maybe dont do that?

Also whoever told you that you werent worth anything can go take a long walk off a short pier, into a very dirty lake.

Well my only issue is building relationships

Matter of fact I have no problem working. In fact I thrive when I’m doing something

I don’t need others to validate me but I can’t even have a basic conversation with someone, without thinking about what will happen

 

[Kregan]

I can’t even have a basic conversation with someone, without thinking about what will happen

This really hits home for me, and is connected to my PTSD diagnosis, mine stems from distrust, my adoptive father is well undiagnosed narcissist, he is overly controlling, and lies all the time, even to strangers to get them to like him.

When I meet people the thought in the back of my mind is always "what does this person actually want from me," even if it is harmless "smalltalk," and the only remedy I have (for myself) is to limit all of my time outside of my apartment.

When I do go out it is goal oriented, so grocery shopping, or paying bills, when at a store I focus on what I am there for, and get out asap so I don't deal with crowds, or all the people around me start to raise my anxiety.

As I said I have mental issues, so I know my issues and plan accordingly.

That's all I have really ‍

 

[KevinMao133]

This really hits home for me, and is connected to my PTSD diagnosis, mine stems from distrust, my adoptive father is well undiagnosed narcissist, he is overly controlling, and lies all the time, even to strangers to get them to like him.

When I meet people the thought in the back of my mind is always "what does this person actually want from me," even if it is harmless "smalltalk," and the only remedy I have (for myself) is to limit all of my time outside of my apartment.

When I do go out it is goal oriented, so grocery shopping, or paying bills, when at a store I focus on what I am there for, and get out asap so I don't deal with crowds, or all the people around me start to raise my anxiety.

As I said I have mental issues, so I know my issues and plan accordingly.

That's all I have really ‍

I don’t trust the world I really don’t

I tried therapy today, I could barely open my mouth

When it comes to highly personal issues, I am too afraid to say it out loud and I also can’t explain what’s going on

I don’t think I can overcome this issue. I think I have reached the ceiling, my limitations

 

[Kregan]

I don’t trust the world I really don’t

I tried therapy today, I could barely open my mouth

When it comes to highly personal issues, I am too afraid to say it out loud and I also can’t explain what’s going on

I don’t think I can overcome this issue. I think I have reached the ceiling, my limitations

I am guilty of not talking about certain things with the therapists I have had as well, instead of focusing on the stuff you "can't,"(try to stay away from terms like this) talk about, try talking about things that are important to you, but hold relevance for a session.

Like if you have problems talking about trusting others, work in actual stories from your experiences, that deal with the root issue you want to address, and from your perspective so the therapist can asses, and maybe "suggest," an idea that is closer to what you do want to discuss, so it seems like they have uncovered the issue bothering you. This is actually how I was able to flush out the PTSD diagnosis for trust issues, on accident really, but it makes sense if I examine it.

I don't know if that helps.

 

[Shamar]

You say the odds are stacked against us? Of COURSE the odds are stacked against us. If they WEREN'T stacked against us, we wouldn't have this nifty forum to discuss, rant, and work together to try and change things so they are NOT stacked against us. It is a long , slow battle, but progress IS being made. Or at least seems to be, sometimes.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Growing up I been told I was nothing

I been told I can never make it, I can never do anything, I am a nobody

chances are, odds are stacked against us

NTs think they experience challenges. Well those are nothing compared with what we experience on a day to day basis

women they me they hate me. No one likes me, every looks past me

they say I’m a bad person. No matter how much I try, nothing ever goes my way

the only thing that does go my way is academics, which is why I can spend all day studying, all day doing research

anyways, there isn’t much we can do, or I can do, since they don’t want to see us win

Kevin. I totally get your frustration here. However,...

1. You have to reject your past. You're not a child anymore. You have much more life experience and wisdom than you did when you were a child. You have more intellectual tools than you did those many years ago. Cut that "ball and chain" you're dragging around. You're not that person anymore.

2. Women don't hate you, per se. They may not be attracted to you perhaps because of physical appearance, but far more likely because they might not see you as "capable", having "strength" of character, or someone who is going to give them the "lifestyle" they are seeking. This is why they may be looking past you. What I see here is a "victim-type" mentality. Now, it may be what is written here, but if you go out into the world with this sort of attitude, then, "No", people are not going to want to be around you. People want to be with someone who can flip a "problem" into an "opportunity". They want someone they can rely upon as a valuable resource. Take your passion for learning and use it. If people see you as functioning "at a higher level" than the rest of the staff, and two, are willing to be a patient instructor, then people will come to you. Furthermore, don't "project" that you're intelligent or put down others. Keep your mouth shut. Seriously. As they say, an "alpha" doesn't have to do anything when they walk into a room, people just intuitively know they are the "alpha". The alpha is quiet, capable, doesn't project, is supportive and helpful without judgement. He/she is the "warrior in the garden", capable, with peaceful control, as opposed to the "gardener during a war", weak and useless.

3. Folks on the spectrum often get this misconstrued, misinterpreted, reputation for being a "bad person" because they often lack the social and communication awareness, are often not pausing to take in another's perspectives and contexts, and may respond with rather quick, direct, obtuse statements. I was fighting this for decades, always on the back of my heels defending myself or apologizing for something I said or did. It seemed like I was trying to navigate blindly through a minefield every day, just waiting for something to blow up in my face. That is, until I slowed my "quick wit", consciously took some pause, and instead of simply firing off a response, began asking clarifying questions, and actually engaging in meaningful conversations with people.

 

[Vindiesel]

Growing up I been told I was nothing

I been told I can never make it, I can never do anything, I am a nobody

chances are, odds are stacked against us

NTs think they experience challenges. Well those are nothing compared with what we experience on a day to day basis

women they me they hate me. No one likes me, every looks past me

they say I’m a bad person. No matter how much I try, nothing ever goes my way

the only thing that does go my way is academics, which is why I can spend all day studying, all day doing research

anyways, there isn’t much we can do, or I can do, since they don’t want to see us win

Well whatever your doing isnt working and you have a cyclical attitude. So try something new and you essentially have everything to gain and nothing to lose in this regard.

 

[Jordy]

If have you autism the odds are stacked against you.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I have you autism the odds are stacked against you.

There is some truth to that. I am thinking, though, many people do not take pause to understand themselves in order to adapt and overcome. Many people would rather just be passive, as if the world somehow owes them something, that life isn't fair, etc. They'd rather complain and seek pity rather than actually taking that negative energy, flipping it into something positive, and driving forward. As an autistic, if you know or have some sense that you simply are not going to have the type of intelligences that allow you to intuitively socialize and communicate effectively, then you have to do it consciously vs. unconsciously (like many NTs). That's on you to change. It's not on the burden of others to simply accept you as you are, and then get all down in the dumps if they don't. That's ridiculous. If you know that your anxiety issues are crippling your forward progress in this world, and it is significantly effecting your life, you can't be blaming others for your situation (your past, people's attitudes towards you, etc.). Fight. Muster up some courage. You might surprise yourself. You're not stupid, you are capable, you just have to take the "red pill" (Matrix) and see the other side. I am quite certain, in fact, I know, the likes of fellow autistics like Elon Musk, perhaps Steve Jobs, and a long list of other successful people had these issues. However, they saw an opportunity, knew the risks, and pushed forward anyways. That takes a ton of courage. It can be done, even in everyday life with more simple things like walking up to a potential new friend or love interest, perhaps applying for that next position within the company, dropping some hard-earned cash into investments, whatever.

 

[Jordy]

There is some truth to that. I am thinking, though, many people do not take pause to understand themselves in order to adapt and overcome. Many people would rather just be passive, as if the world somehow owes them something, that life isn't fair, etc. They'd rather complain and seek pity rather than actually taking that negative energy, flipping it into something positive, and driving forward. As an autistic, if you know or have some sense that you simply are not going to have the type of intelligences that allow you to intuitively socialize and communicate effectively, then you have to do it consciously vs. unconsciously (like many NTs). That's on you to change. It's not on the burden of others to simply accept you as you are, and then get all down in the dumps if they don't. That's ridiculous. If you know that your anxiety issues are crippling your forward progress in this world, and it is significantly effecting your life, you can't be blaming others for your situation (your past, people's attitudes towards you, etc.). Fight. Muster up some courage. You might surprise yourself. You're not stupid, you are capable, you just have to take the "red pill" (Matrix) and see the other side. I am quite certain, in fact, I know, the likes of fellow autistics like Elon Musk, perhaps Steve Jobs, and a long list of other successful people had these issues. However, they saw an opportunity, knew the risks, and pushed forward anyways. That takes a ton of courage. It can be done, even in everyday life with more simple things like walking up to a potential new friend or love interest, perhaps applying for that next position within the company, dropping some hard-earned cash into investments, whatever.

None of that takes away from the fact that the odds are stacked against a person with autism.

 

[KevinMao133]

None of that takes away from the fact that the odds are stacked against a person with autism.

It’s like that with any disabilities

They don’t wanna see us win

 

[Atrapa Almas]

The good thing about having odds against you is that odds never take into account willpower.

If you put some grams of carbon and water in a box, its almost impossible that they will go out of the box by themselves.

But if that carbon and water happens to be a mouse, then it can get out of the box and odds no longer apply.

So yes, stadistics and odds are again us. Maybe 90% of us will have big problems, but there is no rule that says that you cant be in the other 10%.

The only sure and proven way to fail is to surrender. The deccision is yours, to live as a victim or not. To surrender or not. Odds dont decide that.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Where there's life, there's hope.

Just because someone told you something, it doesn't make it true.

Make your own future, full of blessing and hope. Be the person you wish to be. Ignore all news and negativity. Just get out and by claw and by faith, make the life you need.

 

[MildredHubble]

It’s like that with any disabilities

They don’t wanna see us win

It might feel that way. It's tough dragging yourself up time and time again when life or people make you just want to curl up into a ball.

I'm not going to chastise you for being upset by your past experiences. Sometimes they are too painful to simply forget. Our past made us who we are today and if parts of our lives are lacking we know the reasons why. Sometimes we just need to get it off our chests when it bothers us.

So do just that when you need to. There's muttering and ranting threads on here if you aren't aware of them. Use them to vent your frustrations, eventually, you will have talked about it enough that you will be able to move on. Things may pop up in your mind from time to time, but each time they will be further behind until they are a dot in your rear view mirror.

I've had quite a distressing experience being bullied by staff in a store recently. Its bothered me a lot. People might just say "Oh forget it", but this sort of thing is a real problem for me. I'm not sure what it is about me, I seem to attract real idiots.

It's been the case as far back as I remember, I seem to stand out as a lightening rod for people's negativity, aggression and violence. In all cases I have been blissfully unaware until the encounter happens. Then I'm asked "what did you do to them?". It's all so distressing and frustrating.

Perhaps it's because when I'm out and about I don't tend to visually engage with people, I'm polite and courteous. Maybe this is interpreted by some scummy people as me being a good target.

Like you, this is what makes me feel so defeated at times.

But the thing is. I was able to talk about it here and it helped me cope. And I'm enormously grateful for that. Now, I can battle on for another day, even if I'm feeling a bit afraid of going out for the time being.

Talking helps, even if it's on a forum. Externalising things is part of the process. You will find many of us here can relate (I can see that it says you are a well known member here but I don't think I've seen you post before).

Don't let things get you down. I can assure you, you will always have friends here

 

[KevinMao133]

It might feel that way. It's tough dragging yourself up time and time again when life or people make you just want to curl up into a ball.

I'm not going to chastise you for being upset by your past experiences. Sometimes they are too painful to simply forget. Our past made us who we are today and if parts of our lives are lacking we know the reasons why. Sometimes we just need to get it off our chests when it bothers us.

So do just that when you need to. There's muttering and ranting threads on here if you aren't aware of them. Use them to vent your frustrations, eventually, you will have talked about it enough that you will be able to move on. Things may pop up in your mind from time to time, but each time they will be further behind until they are a dot in your rear view mirror.

I've had quite a distressing experience being bullied by staff in a store recently. Its bothered me a lot. People might just say "Oh forget it", but this sort of thing is a real problem for me. I'm not sure what it is about me, I seem to attract real idiots.

It's been the case as far back as I remember, I seem to stand out as a lightening rod for people's negativity, aggression and violence. In all cases I have been blissfully unaware until the encounter happens. Then I'm asked "what did you do to them?". It's all so distressing and frustrating.

Perhaps it's because when I'm out and about I don't tend to visually engage with people, I'm polite and courteous. Maybe this is interpreted by some scummy people as me being a good target.

Like you, this is what makes me feel so defeated at times.

But the thing is. I was able to talk about it here and it helped me cope. And I'm enormously grateful for that. Now, I can battle on for another day, even if I'm feeling a bit afraid of going out for the time being.

Talking helps, even if it's on a forum. Externalising things is part of the process. You will find many of us here can relate (I can see that it says you are a well known member here but I don't think I've seen you post before).

Don't let things get you down. I can assure you, you will always have friends here

I just read an article, it says that people who are been constantly targeted lose to the ability to socialize

the effects are devastating and it doesn’t go away, no matter how hard we try

again I’m not trying to justify my thoughts, nor do I want to, just want to put this out there: next time you try to bully someone, think again, think about the consequences and potential devastation it will cause to the other person

 

[Neonatal RRT]

None of that takes away from the fact that the odds are stacked against a person with autism.

Acknowledged. "There may be some truth to that." However, too many of us are allowing our past dictate our future. Too many of us want to blame others and wallow in self pity. Too many of us want to have others simply accept us as we are, as if it's on them to change their attitudes. Good luck with that. The odds are significantly stacked against a person with that sort of outlook on life, disability or not.

I am thinking the number one thing that society is lacking, is responsibility for one's own actions.

"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take."...Hockey legend, Wayne Gretzky.

 

[Vindiesel]

The pessimistic side "the odds are stacked against you" the optimistic side is you are engulfed in a world that you have plenty of challenges

I just read an article, it says that people who are been constantly targeted lose to the ability to socialize

the effects are devastating and it doesn’t go away, no matter how hard we try

again I’m not trying to justify my thoughts, nor do I want to, just want to put this out there: next time you try to bully someone, think again, think about the consequences and potential devastation it will cause to the other person

I can see how that can be a deterrent...I think mine is driven from apathy and anhedonia I dont know if that relates to others. Also I feel true transparent conversations are rare because even from the internet landscape if you say anything in regards to another person someone is offended/triggered even if it is a coming from a place of understanding. I understand people have different sensitivities but people are to the point of being play doh or have been attacked verbally constantly to the point they are fragile and defensive. Then in person people keep extremely guarded and vague. (not to say I dont do this to a point.)

So a quick story; I joined a meetup group called the thought provokers in which the point of this group is to meet up and have discussion (not debates) about big ideas...like do we have free will? and other deep topics that conjures up thoughts. Well the group increased to 15 people attending so it essentially got to the point one person presented the info and then everyone else stepping on each other to get their word in. The more people the less I care to speak or someone already came up with something I was going to say. Then I was like this is pointless and then my nihilistic thoughts came up. I thought "why am I here I dont care to seek adulation from others about my particular point of view I just want to contribute." Then people made comments that I dont speak or add to the group which I found annoying and I stated my point of view about it. I said either you call me out and engage me personally or reduce the group number so we can have more space to engage without stepping on each others toes. Nothing changed so I stopped going. I was trying to be social in a realm I could enjoy but then felt like a classroom.

"Targeted" in a way but I can understand why. Deter me to be more social?...well yes. I believe there is plenty of information to gather in regards to body language, voice inflections, micro-expressions and other nuances that I like to observe about others that I find most people intriguing. I try to associate patterns and submerse them in my metaphorical dunk tank which keeps me quiet and engaged.

In this world you feel like an alien (sometimes alienated) because your primary drive is stripped of emotional content, rational, objective, transparent, logical, systematic and efficient. Unfortunately because were in a world that the primary drive is emotional, deceptive, non-linear, and paradoxical makes this a journey to always learn something new constantly.