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Obsessions?

Angel B

Member
Hi Guys. I'm unsure If I have ASD or ADHD, but there something I've always struggled with and I CONTINUE to struggle with this even though I'm married :'( I just wanted to know if this is an Asperger's thing or an Autism thing. This is very embarrassing but here goes...
I get crushes on my coworkers. And by crushes, I mean total and complete fixations. I think about them all the time. When I'm home, when I'm driving around, when I'm going to the store. I know that I can't act on my crushes (already been there, done that, survived the ordeal, NEVER DOING THAT AGAIN. and my husband forgave me <3) but I still obsess over the person. and when i'm at work, I feel this intense drive to be near them, to catch their attention in any way. I keep a log in my head of all the positive/"hopeful" interactions we've had, and i use them to try to calculate if they like me or not.

I feel great shame because I know this is wrong and I know it's like an emotional affair. I know that everyone, even normal functioning people, experience crushes. but I don't honestly know if what i'm experiencing is normal or unusual. I always look in reflections to see if they're catching a glimpse of me when they think i'm not looking. if i get the chance to act goofy or "impressive" in front of them, i get this super happy, hyper feeling. (I already diagnosed myself with emotional disregulation and RSD) it's really hard to describe this problem. I probably just sound like a normal person dealing with normal human infatuation, but i think this isn't normal. For example, we play music a lot, and we happen to have a huge overlap in our taste of music.

(i feel very sad and guilty for even saying all this, but i'm here to be authentic because i'm desperate to understand myself) so one day when i discovered I had a crush on this person, i started playing music. and then they played a song of the same artist. I got really excited and took it as a sign that they like me. then I noticed that they like the same band that I like (because once they played a song by this band) and this band is one of my FAVORITES. so when i'm at work I feel this super intense obsessive compulsion to play a song by that band "so that they'll know i like them".. that sounds INSANE putting it into words....

am i just crazy? am i "normal"? am i probably on the spectrum? (there's many other reasons why i think i'm on the spectrum, this is just one of them.)
i'd love some perspective from you wonderful people <3 and i'll answer almost anything you want to know. i'm just sick of living like this and i want answers. peace
 
It's just like when I'm there, I'm obviously trying to do a good job. But my obsession for the whole 8 hours is basically looking for any little opportunity to interact with that person.
 
I obsess over people, but that's been attributed to Borderline Personality Disorder. It will be the death of me.

Are you sexually attracted to the people you're obsessed with?
 
I have done so and very similar to yourself, but I was molested from 7 to 15 and thus, for me, that is a huge connection, which is combined with being on the autism spectrum.

It seems more like something in the past HAS happened to you, because it is NOT normal reaction to a situation. The way you describe ( which is in a fantastic way - so no need to apologise) is more to do with psychological issues, than they way you are wired, if you get my weird way of saying it?

I would seek out professional help, for both you and your husband. He must be long suffering, to deal with you lol
 
Obsession over another individual is never 'normal' nor is it associated with the autism spectrum.

The whole situation sounds like it needs to be addressed by a professional.

Reactive attachment disorder is a condition that like autism is a spectrum, but is environmental influenced. It is a personality disorder, not a neurological disorder like autism is.

Those with RAD can and do present nearly polarized aspects ranging from zero interaction and hyper-independence to indiscriminate friendliness and near pathological need to be liked.

It usually involves children and their primary caregivers, but can continue into adulthood and impact any type of relationship.

Emotional disregulation and Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria are more often associated with ADHD and rooted in impulse control centers of the brain. These are very different than a sensory overload induced meltdown in an autistic, even though to the casual observer they simply look like a 'tantrum'.

With the autism spectrum, alexithymia (trouble identifying one's emotion, not a lack of or regulation of said emotions), tends to be par for the course.

With zero real world context there is not much that can be effectively discerned. It fits criteria for everything from an emotionally immature brain (brain growth and neural pruning are not usually complete until the age of 25) to ADHD or OCD to a host of personality disorders.

While self diagnosis is valid within the ND community there are times when a professional assessment is probably a very good idea. In the case of unhealthy fixation on another individual that can impact both one's self and others it would be prudent to pursue formal screening.
 
I have done so and very similar to yourself, but I was molested from 7 to 15 and thus, for me, that is a huge connection, which is combined with being on the autism spectrum.

It seems more like something in the past HAS happened to you, because it is NOT normal reaction to a situation. The way you describe ( which is in a fantastic way - so no need to apologise) is more to do with psychological issues, than they way you are wired, if you get my weird way of saying it?

I would seek out professional help, for both you and your husband. He must be long suffering, to deal with you lol
LOL yes. he is very patient.
 

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