Hi Guys. I'm unsure If I have ASD or ADHD, but there something I've always struggled with and I CONTINUE to struggle with this even though I'm married :'( I just wanted to know if this is an Asperger's thing or an Autism thing. This is very embarrassing but here goes...
I get crushes on my coworkers. And by crushes, I mean total and complete fixations. I think about them all the time. When I'm home, when I'm driving around, when I'm going to the store. I know that I can't act on my crushes (already been there, done that, survived the ordeal, NEVER DOING THAT AGAIN. and my husband forgave me <3) but I still obsess over the person. and when i'm at work, I feel this intense drive to be near them, to catch their attention in any way. I keep a log in my head of all the positive/"hopeful" interactions we've had, and i use them to try to calculate if they like me or not.
I feel great shame because I know this is wrong and I know it's like an emotional affair. I know that everyone, even normal functioning people, experience crushes. but I don't honestly know if what i'm experiencing is normal or unusual. I always look in reflections to see if they're catching a glimpse of me when they think i'm not looking. if i get the chance to act goofy or "impressive" in front of them, i get this super happy, hyper feeling. (I already diagnosed myself with emotional disregulation and RSD) it's really hard to describe this problem. I probably just sound like a normal person dealing with normal human infatuation, but i think this isn't normal. For example, we play music a lot, and we happen to have a huge overlap in our taste of music.
(i feel very sad and guilty for even saying all this, but i'm here to be authentic because i'm desperate to understand myself) so one day when i discovered I had a crush on this person, i started playing music. and then they played a song of the same artist. I got really excited and took it as a sign that they like me. then I noticed that they like the same band that I like (because once they played a song by this band) and this band is one of my FAVORITES. so when i'm at work I feel this super intense obsessive compulsion to play a song by that band "so that they'll know i like them".. that sounds INSANE putting it into words....
am i just crazy? am i "normal"? am i probably on the spectrum? (there's many other reasons why i think i'm on the spectrum, this is just one of them.)
i'd love some perspective from you wonderful people <3 and i'll answer almost anything you want to know. i'm just sick of living like this and i want answers. peace
I get crushes on my coworkers. And by crushes, I mean total and complete fixations. I think about them all the time. When I'm home, when I'm driving around, when I'm going to the store. I know that I can't act on my crushes (already been there, done that, survived the ordeal, NEVER DOING THAT AGAIN. and my husband forgave me <3) but I still obsess over the person. and when i'm at work, I feel this intense drive to be near them, to catch their attention in any way. I keep a log in my head of all the positive/"hopeful" interactions we've had, and i use them to try to calculate if they like me or not.
I feel great shame because I know this is wrong and I know it's like an emotional affair. I know that everyone, even normal functioning people, experience crushes. but I don't honestly know if what i'm experiencing is normal or unusual. I always look in reflections to see if they're catching a glimpse of me when they think i'm not looking. if i get the chance to act goofy or "impressive" in front of them, i get this super happy, hyper feeling. (I already diagnosed myself with emotional disregulation and RSD) it's really hard to describe this problem. I probably just sound like a normal person dealing with normal human infatuation, but i think this isn't normal. For example, we play music a lot, and we happen to have a huge overlap in our taste of music.
(i feel very sad and guilty for even saying all this, but i'm here to be authentic because i'm desperate to understand myself) so one day when i discovered I had a crush on this person, i started playing music. and then they played a song of the same artist. I got really excited and took it as a sign that they like me. then I noticed that they like the same band that I like (because once they played a song by this band) and this band is one of my FAVORITES. so when i'm at work I feel this super intense obsessive compulsion to play a song by that band "so that they'll know i like them".. that sounds INSANE putting it into words....
am i just crazy? am i "normal"? am i probably on the spectrum? (there's many other reasons why i think i'm on the spectrum, this is just one of them.)
i'd love some perspective from you wonderful people <3 and i'll answer almost anything you want to know. i'm just sick of living like this and i want answers. peace