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NT wants to confess love to an aspie.

Discussion in 'Love, Relationships and Dating' started by Law94, Dec 9, 2019.

  1. Law94

    Law94 New Member

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    Hello, I'm new to this forum and I'm learning a bit about the spectrum because I'm interested in an amazing guy who turned out to be an aspie. He's really smart and handsome (he disagrees with this, he often calls himself ugly on his posts). When we first started talking (well, I talked to him) via Facebook, he told me that he was very shy (which was confirmed by some friends in common), he then told me that he suffered from depression and anxiety, and some time later he told me that he's an aspie. That made it easier for me to understand him although I didn't know much about autism.

    I really like him and I thought of confessing my feelings for him, because I don't want to keep that to myself anymore. I know that I need to be clear, so I'll just explain that he got my attention with his posts on Facebook, and that when I got to know him, I realized that I found him intellectually attractive, and that he's in fact fairly handsome.

    Could this scare him away? Or is even direct enough? I don't think I've ever confessed my love to someone before but I'm really into him. And I don't even know if I should ask if he feels the same way about me. I have no clue whether he likes me or not, but I appreciate his time and what he shares with me because he usually tells me that he doesn't talk to anyone (except for a friend).

    I'd gladly accept his friendship if he rejects me (should I include this in my message as well?). And we haven't met in real life because we live 1048 km apart but it's not impossible since we share a professional environment where we could meet anytime.
     
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  2. Bolletje

    Bolletje Overly complicated potato V.I.P Member

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    Telling him you think he’s attractive and handsome should be direct enough to convey your feelings, in my opinion.
     
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  3. Rexi

    Rexi uwu owo uwu SlightlyFilterless Atheist Science=<3 V.I.P Member

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    I think depression is challenging to deal with by a partner, are you sure you have the mental ability to deal with a depressed partner possibly for a long time? Think about the challenges and compatibilities before you confess, more than your feelings. Get to know him more if needed, don't rush in.

    Think about how his anxiety will affect your relationship and especially your main needs. And think about his other autistic challenges and how he expresses feelings so far, maybe wait to see it more to make a good decision.

    He might be intelligent in some fields but not the man you need, the man you can have a fulfilling relationship with.
     
    Last edited: Dec 9, 2019
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  4. Isadoorian

    Isadoorian Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Highly agree; just...treat the guy as any other guy you're attracted to... We Aspie men are literally not any different from NTs, aside from our Aspie quirks that is
     
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  5. Kalinychta

    Kalinychta Well-Known Member

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    Entering into a relationship with someone who is depressed and has low self-esteem is not a good idea. At all. You may think you can “save” him or help him, that your love will inspire him back to good health. It won’t. So many, many women think this way, and it generally leads to catastrophe, even abuse. Don’t put yourself through that.

    Be his friend. Encourage him to seek help. Help him as best you can. But don’t think about beginning a romantic relationship with him until he’s healthy.
     
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  6. disconnected

    disconnected Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Go for it, only you know what feels right. My wife made/said all the first moves and we’ve been together 10 years. Only you can feel what’s right. Also I have major depressive disorder and it’s not going away, but I’d call our marriage happy.
     
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  7. Tom

    Tom Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Autism aside, I don't really see the point in starting something up with someone you can't actually be with. I know people do make it work out but wonder what percentage of long distance romances succeed. I would guess it is pretty low.
     
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  8. tducey

    tducey Well-Known Member

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    Yeah, being with someone who is depressed isn't the best idea. Sure your intentions might be good but if things don't work out with you guys things could become worse for that person.
     
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  9. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    If l told someone how much l cared for them, l am afraid they would laugh at me. So l have anxieties about my emotions.
     
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