It hurts to see your child hurting, whatever age they happen to be. And I know that sometimes doing the right things is the hardest thing.
When my oldest son was 18, he had gotten in trouble and, naturally, I paid the bond to get him out of jail. No matter how much I tried to explain to him that the rules he was under by the court and bondsman (like not leaving the state) was due to HIS actions, no one elses. He was at that cocky age, though, and refused - he was going to spring break with his girlfriend (now wife) no matter what. I told him and warned him, and finally, after letting him know my intent I called and had my name taken off the bond. The police picked him back up. He didn't speak to me for five years, until he had his first son. As he grew up he said it was the best thing I could have done and actually taught him something. It was a nightmare for me and it hurt over and over but I did what I felt I had to do. He had to learn to take responsibility for his own actions and sometimes it has to be the hard way. His dad would always buy his way out of trouble, but that doesn't work.
Yesterday I had to watch as he went through basically the same thing. He has told his 3 boys over and over how serious he is about the 'stay at home order'. Not just me and their other grandma, but he has to use an inhaler sometimes and my daughter in law had a lung collapse once due to her asthma. He's worried about his wife. But the boys, 18, 20, and 21 are at that cocky age that they know everything and they are immune to everything. They all broke quarantine to be with friends and girlfriends. He said they would need to camp outside (they camp all the time and the weather is nice, so really no big deal) for 5 nights of being symptom free and they could still work for him at $15 an hour, but doing much needed yard work and not riding in the truck with him to work. They have no idea how good they've had it - he still buys their food, pays them for working with him, helps them get vehicles, takes them on trips, gives them a free place to live. But their attitudes: refuse to not see girlfriends and friends, refuse to camp outside and refuse to work here. One of my grandsons actually said he's a carpenter, not a yard worker. The youngest, with his raging hormones, said he'll spend the rest of the time at his girlfriends. I did step in to make one point so they might see the seriousness, and I told them that their other grandma just spent nearly a year going through hell with chemo, surgery, radiation and still immunocompromised but she did it because she wanted to fight to live, she did not want to die and when they sit with a loved one (as I did with my mom) watching them gasp for oxygen and not be able to get it, then they might realize what's important here. (By the way, this all took place outside with distancing).
Well, they all left in anger. My daughter in law backed her husband and I know how hard it was and is for her and I know my son is hurting. Not able to hug goodbye, just a family temporarily split. I sat here most of yesterday just staring into space. I'm at a loss, as I know my son and daughter in law are, too.
When my oldest son was 18, he had gotten in trouble and, naturally, I paid the bond to get him out of jail. No matter how much I tried to explain to him that the rules he was under by the court and bondsman (like not leaving the state) was due to HIS actions, no one elses. He was at that cocky age, though, and refused - he was going to spring break with his girlfriend (now wife) no matter what. I told him and warned him, and finally, after letting him know my intent I called and had my name taken off the bond. The police picked him back up. He didn't speak to me for five years, until he had his first son. As he grew up he said it was the best thing I could have done and actually taught him something. It was a nightmare for me and it hurt over and over but I did what I felt I had to do. He had to learn to take responsibility for his own actions and sometimes it has to be the hard way. His dad would always buy his way out of trouble, but that doesn't work.
Yesterday I had to watch as he went through basically the same thing. He has told his 3 boys over and over how serious he is about the 'stay at home order'. Not just me and their other grandma, but he has to use an inhaler sometimes and my daughter in law had a lung collapse once due to her asthma. He's worried about his wife. But the boys, 18, 20, and 21 are at that cocky age that they know everything and they are immune to everything. They all broke quarantine to be with friends and girlfriends. He said they would need to camp outside (they camp all the time and the weather is nice, so really no big deal) for 5 nights of being symptom free and they could still work for him at $15 an hour, but doing much needed yard work and not riding in the truck with him to work. They have no idea how good they've had it - he still buys their food, pays them for working with him, helps them get vehicles, takes them on trips, gives them a free place to live. But their attitudes: refuse to not see girlfriends and friends, refuse to camp outside and refuse to work here. One of my grandsons actually said he's a carpenter, not a yard worker. The youngest, with his raging hormones, said he'll spend the rest of the time at his girlfriends. I did step in to make one point so they might see the seriousness, and I told them that their other grandma just spent nearly a year going through hell with chemo, surgery, radiation and still immunocompromised but she did it because she wanted to fight to live, she did not want to die and when they sit with a loved one (as I did with my mom) watching them gasp for oxygen and not be able to get it, then they might realize what's important here. (By the way, this all took place outside with distancing).
Well, they all left in anger. My daughter in law backed her husband and I know how hard it was and is for her and I know my son is hurting. Not able to hug goodbye, just a family temporarily split. I sat here most of yesterday just staring into space. I'm at a loss, as I know my son and daughter in law are, too.
