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Featured Not sure what to do with volatile sister relationship

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by Frostee, Apr 18, 2019.

  1. Frostee

    Frostee Well-Known Member

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    My sister and I both have a volatile relationship. One day we’re out galavanting around the countryside, other times we’re fighting tooth and nail.


    My issue, is with not knowing what to do with our relationship? Should I stop bothering with her?


    Part of the problem is her and her moods. What I mean by this is that she gets moody and takes her moodiness out on me. This displays itself through the silent treatment and passive aggressiveness.

    Often she will get up and lash out at me. For no reason. She is very hot and cold.

    Long after an argument that we have had, she will still be holding a grudge and I will have moved on the next day.


    I’m not really sure what to think about this? Because she does often treat me with disrespect, I.e ignoring my text messages deliberately or not giving me an answer when she knows I as a person seek clarity.


    We just had a row two days ago and she’s giving me the silent treatment. I asked her to go out today and she ignored me and she hasn’t spoken to me since this argument.

    She sometimes buys me gifts etc and not sure if this is out of guilt and don’t know what to think about this?

    Tbh, IMO it’s very childish behaviour and I often wonder if there is something deeper behind it.


    What should I do? I am sick of this cycle of fighting and being lovey jubby over and over again. As dictated by her!!
     
    Last edited: Apr 18, 2019
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  2. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Sounds a lot like my sister. She'd buy me things even when I'd tell her I didn't want it. I actually would work for her here and there. The only difference is that she wouldn't get mad at me or give me silent treatments, but she'd lash out at me and constantly put me down and my kids and would say horrible things to me. I often felt like her puppet because she'd plan a trip and expect me to just drop whatever I was doing and go with her. She's never going to change and I just couldn't handle any more, so I, as nicely as I could, let her know that we were done. My brother, too. They will still send group emails or texts and include me but I don't respond and they will continue and just comment that they will assume all if fine with me. But I have told them I would not respond to group emails and texts and not to include me. Anyhow - I'm much better now without having to deal with them.
    (Sisters are not always friends given by nature).
     
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  3. Frostee

    Frostee Well-Known Member

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    My sister does that also. Anytime she asks me to go anywhere, it’s always spontaneous and I have to go immediately. If I don’t go immediately she drives off.

    Don’t know what to do about the relationship and why she behaves in this way.

    Idk if she is trying to buy me out of guilt.
     
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  4. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    Abusive relationship, leave.

    But I guess you want something other than that. What happened when you discussed her behavior with her and how it affects you?
     
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  5. Frostee

    Frostee Well-Known Member

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    I haven’t discussed her behaviour. She just ignores me anytime I talk about that.

    I am trying to get an understanding of why she does the things she does andFor what purpose.
     
  6. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    If you insist on making it work, then demand to talk about it or wait until she's in a good mood.

    Is she diagnosed with anything?

    From the little information I have, it sounds like she struggles with mood instability and her behavior is just a series of near-involuntary expressions of that instability. Anything beyond that, I think more information would be required.

    But whatever the problem, therapy or medication sound like potentially helpful options if she were ever interested in changing.
     
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  7. Frostee

    Frostee Well-Known Member

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    She just responds with irritation and cursing if I ask.

    What information do you need?
     
  8. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    -Any psychiatric history?
    -Psychiatric history of family?
    -Other notable behaviors that may not necessarily relate to your relationship and so weren't mentioned, such as relationship difficulties with others, self-destructive behavior, etc.
    -Age of you and her and whether or not you live together, which age might answer already.
    -Involvement of parents in this, their reaction, how they deal with it and how she deals with them.

    What is she irritated about in that circumstance? Does she acknowledge, deny, or ignore her erratic behavior? Or justify it? Or something else?

    That's all I can think of right now.
     
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  9. Frostee

    Frostee Well-Known Member

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    - No.
    - No, she just keeps to herself. She has a few friends.
    - I’m 23 and she’s 21. We see each other when i’m home from University.
    - My father often gets involved in our argument. He never always takes her side.

    She doesn’t comment on her behaviour. She usually curses at me and vents about how annoying I am in response.

    I would say about 60% of the time she’s in an irritable mood and 9/10 i’m at the other end of that.
     
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  10. Fridgemagnetman

    Fridgemagnetman I only have one V.I.P Member

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    Change the way you act around her.

    Think about you, what you want.

    Why she does what she is not your business.

    Learn to say NO to things and not feel bad.

    Your current habit of thought isn't working.

    Change it.

    Your sister is irrelevant to that.
     
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  11. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    It's interesting Fridge said that just then, because I figured 76 wasn't a lot of posts to read, so I read all of your posts just now (is that creepy?) and almost every thread you've made has been about a person who was nice and now isn't or someone who switches back and forth between the two--which is a simplification but that's the general theme.

    So that does seem to indicate some significant contribution to the dynamic on your part. If I remember right, it was five mentions of different but similar situations.

    You also say things such as you assume people will think you're weird and so you avoid them, that you have no friends, that you can't socialize, etc, but in the video you posted when you asked if your Asperger's is obvious, you seemed like a perfectly likeable, cool guy to me.

    POSITIVE THINKING TIME.

    Oh no, it must be night-time, I'm being weirder than usual.

    Also, you have mentioned several times on the forum that your dad is "always moody" and that your mom is overly anxious, screaming at anything that goes wrong. It's no surprise then that your sister is also moody.

    How is it that you were diagnosed but your sister has not been noticed? Do you think she may be Autistic, as well?
     
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  12. Frostee

    Frostee Well-Known Member

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    So what are you saying then?

    I don’t know if she has Aspergers, it’s hard to tell. She has a few friends and a customer service job.

    She has never displayed any obvious social difficulties except being quiet.
     
  13. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    I'm saying that it sounds like she has serious issues that require professional attention and you can't do anything to fix this just because you'd like to fix it.

    So I guess I'm circling back to what I said first: abusive relationship, leave.

    I'd stop trying if I were you.

    Sorry, maybe someone more optimistic will post later. Let's wait and see. :)
     
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  14. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    Are you in therapy? If not, that might be helpful.
    Helpful for you, not her.
     
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  15. Frostee

    Frostee Well-Known Member

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    I am yes, but I have a lot of issues with my condition.

    Not knowing how to deal with people like this.
     
  16. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    I've found there's a consensus that the best way to deal with people like this is to not.
     
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  17. Fridgemagnetman

    Fridgemagnetman I only have one V.I.P Member

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    Cos they knot you up so they should get knotted.
     
    Last edited: Apr 19, 2019
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  18. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    You tie them up, put them in the basement, and only go down to feed them and to introduce to them to their basement therapist.
     
    Last edited: Apr 20, 2019
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  19. Fridgemagnetman

    Fridgemagnetman I only have one V.I.P Member

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    Keep your hobbies to yourself.
     
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  20. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    Okay, I can sleep now.