I don’t really know what I want to dedicate my life to since I honestly feel like I can’t excel at anything and my struggles with math pretty much dash any potential career. I’ve also gone to college multiple times but still can’t find my niche. Even taking music classes didn’t help me get better at the guitar and the art class I took I got a low grade in.
I didn’t make any friends in college. Admittedly, someone did offer friendship to me but when he mentioned having a band and a girlfriend, I felt very inferior and that he would get bored of me since I sucked at the guitar and I was still depressed about being single at my age so things fizzled out. Whenever I tried to reach out to others, I was either ignored or rebuffed.
I have two thoughts here. 1. It sounds like you are also dealing with depression, and maybe trauma from so much failure (and maybe being different?), so if you can get that checked out by a doctor, and hopefully treated, everything might seem more manageable. I know it did for me. Having support made a monumental difference in my life, both in my ability to tackle the ordinary challenges of life, and of dealing with the harder stuff of trauma, depression, PTSD, and/or discrimination. (and outright ignorance about disability.) When you've been told you're a failure for a long time (maybe always), having someone 'in your corner', who can 'be your cheerleader', and encourage and validate you can make all the difference in the world. Even make the difference between wanting to try, and giving up. (whether it's dealing with the world in general, or specifically pursuing a goal.)
2. I royally suck at math too, and I still ended up getting a B.A. Honors in Psychology, despite the need for 2 courses in Stats!! (granted, I learned that Psych Stats are much different than Math Stats, but they were still plenty numbers heavy to me!) What made it possible for me was, actually, related to my other major stumbling block in getting any degree. (in this case the first (non honors) one. There is a "language" requirement for any University degree. Typically this means you have to learn a foreign language, at least a little. Typically this means you have to actually
speak another language, in order to learn it! This was a deal breaker for me. At first, I tried to do it the ordinary way, but I chose a 'dead' language, so no one would expect me to 'really' speak it, or become anything even approaching fluent. (as much as one can taking only first year courses). When that failed miserably, (for medical reasons, but also some issues with the demand of the class, and ignorance of the prof.), I was advised I could try to find a way around it, based on disability accommodations. Short version: the college advisor gave me the wrong information (I swear she lied, but everyone else is convinced otherwise, and that it was unintentional) about whether a certain course could be considered to qualify, so I had to go the ordinary route anyways.
Luckily, just as I was finishing that degree, (and still hadn't figured out a solution), I discovered (more by accident, actually, since I missed the beginning of the class where it was announced), that the first term of Latin was being taught for the first time by a prof I really liked, instead of just part two. He also was teaching part two. And that it was going to be taught in the upcoming summer term! (this meant I could graduate earlier, rather than having to wait a whole extra term after finishing!). Again, short version, since this is getting long, it worked out!! We had to make some accommodations, and I had to get a friend who was good at Latin to help out, but it worked out! My prof was even thoroughly impressed with me an my abilities and thought I was one of his more capable students! Needless to say I aced that class!! (which was extremely weird, given my language disability, and it was a language!) Some of my ability was due to my autistic memory, and increased ability to remember vocabulary compared to my classmates, and some of it was my previous experience with the case system due to Linguistics classes. (also something my classmates didn't have.)
Umm.. my point here is that the success with Latin gave me the courage to try to tackle Stats. I figured it I could conquer Latin, then I could manage anything! I did have to hire the same friend (a Math dude) to help with homework, and to come to class with me to help me interact with the prof. in case it was needed. (turned out to not be, really. The prof. was very good at teaching step by step.) but it worked out! (the later problems with discrimination and harassment I mention in another post, came later, in a course I should've been able to be good at, and had 'done my homework' to try and prevent problems. It was not my fault that the minimal percentage of the department I didn't talk to beforehand is the part that had the problem with my difficulties with speech, especially in or to groups. Oh, and for the record, my issues had nothing to do with an ordinary 'fear of public speaking', which was the assumption, no matter how many times we tried to explain otherwise. But again, because I could 'pass' sometimes with that one supervising faculty member doesn't mean I was exaggerating, or making up my difficulties! ... but that's another matter.)
These days there are many ways around different disability issues, and many forms of accommodations that can be made. (and math disabilities were fairly common back when I was finishing my last degree.)
