Not Mourning my Dog like I feel like I should

[PinkPenguin29]

Trigger warning for anyone who has a hard time with Animal deaths. Normally that's me. but Whatever reason I feel numb. In April we noticed a strange growth on our dogs top Lip. We took him in and did a Biopsy and Came back as Benign. Later when Covid-19 started closing things down, the growth didn't go away and my Husband took him back to the vet and it was discovered they didn't do the first Biopsy properly and turns out it was Lymphoma. And with very expensive treatment we could expect at most extra 6 months to a year. We just could't afford the Chemo. We took the option to give him Steroids to slow the progression, but eventually it became too much. Lumps formed all over his body, and before he started suffering we had a vet come to our home to put him down.

My Husband got our dog only a month before we started dating so he's been their our entire relationship. He was a really wonderful dog and we both loved him so much.
I remember when I found out my Boss's dog died a fairly gruesome death (because her assistant decided to share way too much details). The second I got home I fell too my knees and hugged our dog and sobbed telling him he was such a good boy, and I was so glad he was alive.

I cried during the actual act of putting our dog down. But before the event during build up to his death and after his death my eyes have been dry with barely a feeling one way or another.
My husband on the other hand has been a wreck leading up, and after. He came home with the Ashes and broke down in heavy sobs.
I've hugged him and I've comforted him but I feel like I don't feel anything.
occasionally I feel regret, but I don't feel the sadness I feel like I should be feeling right now.
I feel like he's mourning for the both of us, and I'm just hollow.
my mind is continuously one what's supposed to come next, and I don't know how to stop.

 

[MrSpock]

It seems pretty obvious from this post that you really cared for your dog. We each deal with things in different ways, and you've had months to process what was going on, it's not quite the same as when your pet is run over by a car.

Sounds like maybe your husband is mourning for you both, and you're being strong for you both, thinking about what will come next (life does go on) for you both. Probably your dog was lucky, and your husband still is. I hope you will come to feel good about this.

 

[Sarah S]

Trigger warning for anyone who has a hard time with Animal deaths. Normally that's me. but Whatever reason I feel numb. In April we noticed a strange growth on our dogs top Lip. We took him in and did a Biopsy and Came back as Benign. Later when Covid-19 started closing things down, the growth didn't go away and my Husband took him back to the vet and it was discovered they didn't do the first Biopsy properly and turns out it was Lymphoma. And with very expensive treatment we could expect at most extra 6 months to a year. We just could't afford the Chemo. We took the option to give him Steroids to slow the progression, but eventually it became too much. Lumps formed all over his body, and before he started suffering we had a vet come to our home to put him down.

My Husband got our dog only a month before we started dating so he's been their our entire relationship. He was a really wonderful dog and we both loved him so much.
I remember when I found out my Boss's dog died a fairly gruesome death (because her assistant decided to share way too much details). The second I got home I fell too my knees and hugged our dog and sobbed telling him he was such a good boy, and I was so glad he was alive.

I cried during the actual act of putting our dog down. But before the event during build up to his death and after his death my eyes have been dry with barely a feeling one way or another.
My husband on the other hand has been a wreck leading up, and after. He came home with the Ashes and broke down in heavy sobs.
I've hugged him and I've comforted him but I feel like I don't feel anything.
occasionally I feel regret, but I don't feel the sadness I feel like I should be feeling right now.
I feel like he's mourning for the both of us, and I'm just hollow.
my mind is continuously one what's supposed to come next, and I don't know how to stop.

First of all im deeply sorry for youre lost ( i had to say goodby to more then one of my dear family members (based on medical advice of course & i do mean pets incl dogs )

Second we all have our diffent ways of mourning and there is no right or wrong way to do this so dont blame youre sel . You alredy shown youre lost before and during as well as shortley after so in NO way should you feel like you dont do this right. and as you alredy drained youre self before its no wonder you now cant (for now it will come back ) ched more teares or break down any longer. i STILL break down in teares from time to time when i think of all my pets i had to put to sleep as well as those leaving me of old age . I will NEVER forget any of them and they will ALWAYS have a place in my heart and soul.

You need to try to get on in life and also accept that despite youre not (now ) able to break down and so on you still miss him and thats what counts NOT that you have to keep on breaking down i teares and so on.

 

[SDRSpark]

Not everyone mourns the same way.

Read that again. ^^^

Unfortunately, there's a perceived way that we're "supposed" to grieve. And unfortunately, how you do (or do not) grieve is often seen as appropriate, or inappropriate, and reflective of your relationship and level of caring for the individual. Which is largely BS. Grieving is different for every person, and even every relationship.

In my personal experience, I have not grieved as "expected" when there was long term illness involved. I suspect that the long term nature of the illness meant that I had time to process, come to terms with, and even grieve before the individual actually passed. When my grandfather passed away, my lack of grieving in "expected" ways was met with resentment from others in my family...while I was sitting there thinking "well you knew he was going to die, why are you shocked?" I had already processed it all by the time he passed.