So, what to say? To do? What do I want? What do I need?
I got overloaded, panicked, left work, people, everything behind me. Run away. Run away. Where to go? Where am I? I want to go home. But there's no home.
Travel. Lights. Sounds. Wide open eyes but can't see a thing. Cover. Leave me alone. Don't look at me. Don't see me. Don't talk to me. Shut up. Shut up.
It was, what, an hour. An hour of lying down, shaking, staring nowhere, hidden in the room, under the blanket, before the world. A dog licking its wounds. Rocking, whispering, murmuring, yelping like a wounded animal, hyperventilating, what, why, where am I. Lights hurt, sounds hurt, textures hurt. Want to tear apart something or someone, myself, my head, my brain, hit it until there's nothing left. Too much. Yet, not enough? Then, again, body, hands, again happening and you want to run away and cry, just a child again, no help, no defence. You're small, too small, too weak.
Does it sound like madness? I feel mad.
Tell me I'm back, it's finished and not coming back. Just a bit of safety. Is it too much to ask for?
I got overloaded, panicked, left work, people, everything behind me. Run away. Run away. Where to go? Where am I? I want to go home. But there's no home.
Travel. Lights. Sounds. Wide open eyes but can't see a thing. Cover. Leave me alone. Don't look at me. Don't see me. Don't talk to me. Shut up. Shut up.
It was, what, an hour. An hour of lying down, shaking, staring nowhere, hidden in the room, under the blanket, before the world. A dog licking its wounds. Rocking, whispering, murmuring, yelping like a wounded animal, hyperventilating, what, why, where am I. Lights hurt, sounds hurt, textures hurt. Want to tear apart something or someone, myself, my head, my brain, hit it until there's nothing left. Too much. Yet, not enough? Then, again, body, hands, again happening and you want to run away and cry, just a child again, no help, no defence. You're small, too small, too weak.
Does it sound like madness? I feel mad.
Tell me I'm back, it's finished and not coming back. Just a bit of safety. Is it too much to ask for?