Non-verbal "courting": does it exist?

[sasha_whos_there]

Hello!
I wanted to ask you guys if you think two autistic people could be attracted to each other and communicate that non-verbally to each other, in the middle of a crowd.

There's this guy I really like, and I told him so via text three days ago. I'm waiting to see if he replies. I know he's very busy. But we've had consistent, very surprising non-verbal communication for a long time, and it feels like he's as interested in me as I am in him, but that he'll never make a move and any "direct" approach from me makes him run away.

I know you can't tell me if he's actually interested or not - but do you think a configuration like this is at all possible? I've never had an interaction like this, and I've never had a crush last if there wasn't some serious reciprocity from the other party.

I'm starting to think that I very possibly might be autistic but I'm still in the process of learning about the mechanics (up until now I mostly thought I had some form of alien way of functioning). I know nobody around me would find it wise to rely on non-verbal so much - but that's really all I've ever relied on, with practically zero error so far (don't mean to sound arrogant - it's just that my intuitive deduction process has never failed me). Actually, to me, non-verbal would be the perfect start for a relationship.

Would very much appreciate any insight!

 

[AutistAcolyte]

personally i have no dating experience, so i am by no means the authority, but if someone told me directly (even via text) that they liked me, that would help me understand how to respond to non-verbal behavior in-person.

i think you might just be in the waiting period, how quickly does he generally respond?

 

[sasha_whos_there]

If it's a direct and easy question, almost instantly. If it's complicated or unclear, a few days to forever. I also don't think he's a fan of long-winded texting, his communication is in the form of "few words, lots of info" rather than "many words, little information"

 

[sasha_whos_there]

that would help me understand how to respond to non-verbal behavior in-person

That's what I was hoping to do - to clarify what my non-verbal part of things meant exactly, so he can decide what to do. Something like that. (I do keep in mind that I might have read him wrong, although I hope I didn't)

 

[Shamar]

Hello!
I wanted to ask you guys if you think two autistic people could be attracted to each other and communicate that non-verbally to each other, in the middle of a crowd.

There's this guy I really like, and I told him so via text three days ago. I'm waiting to see if he replies. I know he's very busy. But we've had consistent, very surprising non-verbal communication for a long time, and it feels like he's as interested in me as I am in him, but that he'll never make a move and any "direct" approach from me makes him run away.

I know you can't tell me if he's actually interested or not - but do you think a configuration like this is at all possible? I've never had an interaction like this, and I've never had a crush last if there wasn't some serious reciprocity from the other party.

I'm starting to think that I very possibly might be autistic but I'm still in the process of learning about the mechanics (up until now I mostly thought I had some form of alien way of functioning). I know nobody around me would find it wise to rely on non-verbal so much - but that's really all I've ever relied on, with practically zero error so far (don't mean to sound arrogant - it's just that my intuitive deduction process has never failed me). Actually, to me, non-verbal would be the perfect start for a relationship.

Would very much appreciate any insight!

I'm bit confused. Most autistics have trouble with non-verbal communication. For example, I am virtually blind to facial expression, body language, and intonation. Actual words are the only thing that has meaning. And don't use obtuse, hinting, slang, non-standard definition of words, and between the lines language, because I don't understand those, either. If by "non-verbal" you mean texting, that works for me. Just be clear, say what you mean, mean what you say and you should be fine.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Non-verbal language (your eyes meet from across a room) is often the first step towards actually getting up the nerve to walk up to someone.

Beyond that, once you are actually in a relationship, what matters most are your actions. Sure, accurate, verbal communication is a critical component in avoiding disagreements and confusion, however, oftentimes, all my wife and I need is to just have our quiet moments together, sitting in the house, the car, walking outside, hiking, wherever or whatever we are doing together. We don't need to be talking all the time. Works for us.

 

[Kayla55]

Gender roles, confused!
In this article she asked him out, again.

She didn’t know she’d married a man on the autism spectrum. Neither did her hubby

What happens when your soulmate does not communicate his feelings, understand social cues or play up the romance — because he has a disability? Finding out about Asperger’s syndrome was the first step in saving this couple’s marriage.

www.channelnewsasia.com

Asking directions, you know I'm really bad at directions can you show me.
Or
Have a friend ask if he's busy this weekend.
Or

 

[sasha_whos_there]

Thanks for the replies! By non-verbal, I meant kind of indirectly talking - eyes, vibe, behavior (I have gathered a lot of data on his behavior so any variation I definitely notice - but of course I might interpret it wrong).

Also his behavior and weird attempts at communicating indirectly (unless I get it wrong). For example, once he walked in with someone (it was in his work setting) and I expected him to say hello. He completely ignored me. So I thought ok, I must have blown it. I was about to turn around and move away. Then as soon as the other person had their back turned, he turned toward me and stood there waiting for me to look at him (even though he was almost behind me but I kind of felt it) - so I turned and looked, and he gave me this deep look that seemed to say, "I know, but give me time". Then he turned and followed the other guy. I was so surprised. Nobody usually behaves like this, lol. It was so weird. There's been a lot of things like this - and now I messaged him in the clearest way that I could. But I think I expect he will just ghost me. I wish I was clear about what that means.
I know this might sound like I'm delusional, but I've never been delusional about this kind of thing - and if anything my first thought would normally tend to be that the guy isn't interested, rather than believing that he is.

Also I have to say, I have no idea what a relationship would look like, as I've never had one that felt "real". As for gender roles, I never understood them @Kayla55 Maybe I could have used some kind of trick to get him to talk to me - but I don't like tricks, which is perhaps stupid of me, I don't know.

 

[AO1501]

...Then as soon as the other person had their back turned, he turned toward me and stood there waiting for me to look at him (even though he was almost behind me but I kind of felt it) - so I turned and looked, and he gave me this deep look that seemed to say, "I know, but give me time". Then he turned and followed the other guy....

I think this is a kind of compartmentalizing. The keeping of things in their familiar places and meanings is not an uncommon thing, and typically helps us manage a disparate personal/work, home/office type of complications that would otherwise be hard to feel in control of.

I know I separate circumstances out into pigeonholes so I can deal with them better and easier, and get very flummoxed when they get mixed up.

 

[sasha_whos_there]

I think this is a kind of compartmentalizing. The keeping of things in their familiar places and meanings is not an uncommon thing, and typically helps us manage a disparate personal/work, home/office type of complications that would otherwise be hard to feel in control of.

I know I separate circumstances out into pigeonholes so I can deal with them better and easier, and get very flummoxed when they get mixed up.

Yeah that's what it felt like exactly.

 

[sasha_whos_there]

Gender roles, confused!
In this article she asked him out, again.

She didn’t know she’d married a man on the autism spectrum. Neither did her hubby

What happens when your soulmate does not communicate his feelings, understand social cues or play up the romance — because he has a disability? Finding out about Asperger’s syndrome was the first step in saving this couple’s marriage.

www.channelnewsasia.com

Asking directions, you know I'm really bad at directions can you show me.
Or
Have a friend ask if he's busy this weekend.
Or

thanks for the article

 

[mylife2023]

If it's a direct and easy question, almost instantly. If it's complicated or unclear, a few days to forever. I also don't think he's a fan of long-winded texting, his communication is in the form of "few words, lots of info" rather than "many words, little information"

 

[mylife2023]

I completely understand your bewilderment. Please message me if you would like.

My Aspie interest does this. I’m learning daily how to interact via text with him and it’s difficult. I would love to share with you, my findings. I have to go to work but will post for everyone later. ❤️

 

[sasha_whos_there]

Non-verbal language (your eyes meet from across a room) is often the first step towards actually getting up the nerve to walk up to someone.

Beyond that, once you are actually in a relationship, what matters most are your actions.

Yeah, you're right. Non-verbal can only take you so far. I think I'm going to let it go - I don't believe I'll get a reply and I don't see what more I could do on my side. It is up to him... Thanks for your support guys!

 

[sasha_whos_there]

Yeah, you're right. Non-verbal can only take you so far. I think I'm going to let it go - I don't believe I'll get a reply and I don't see what more I could do on my side. It is up to him... Thanks for your support guys!

By the way I think I inadvertently lied - I don't think I'll be giving up just yet. I may be crazy but despite the ghosting, I'm following my intuition that my impressions were valid. I guess this will be a good way of testing said intuition.