Edited, l won't allow me to feel

[Aspychata]

So has anybody been in a situation where it's okay for me to express my feelings for you, but the minute you express your feelings for me - l need to ban you to the dark side of the planet Zorb for an entirety.
Now let me state ; l may express feelings but nothing more comes of It. Like l am mellow and relaxed and have done marriage, house, child formula and not looking to relive some of the emptiness l feel as a result. What is the reasoning, why are they allowed to express and l am a degenerate if l express something? Are they just lovebombing me over and over?
Can you just hand me a language translation cheat sheet that says when l am saying this, l really don't mean it. Just totally ignore my moving lips. Double messages can be so confusing to me. Why are men so threatened by feelings? Are they just testing the waters to see if they still have it?

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

This post is a little hard to understand for me, but it sounds sort of like someone is emotionally manipulating you?

 

[Aspychata]

Don't know really how to respond. This person really helped during a rough time. Sometimes they say they have feelings but sometimes they feel very threatened by feelings. So l don't know if l would call that bring manipulated. I wasn't really looking for serious at this point in my life, so they don't need to take it there if there is nothing to back up what they say. Guess l am looking for honesty and understanding. Like talk honestly about your feelings, l am an adult, l can handle it. But can we not go back and forth, like l so care for you, now l feel like today is friends day only. It can be a little confusing. However this resolves is a good thing, maybe we don't realise how we come across, maybe he needs to address the way l come across. I thought l was just repeating what he was expressing. I have been looking at getting my own place, there has been zero pressure on him from me.

 

[Aspychata]

Sometimes l feel they feel threatened by just talking honestly to me about things. We actually were communicating in a more open way so maybe that also feels threatening to them at that point. Think there is a lot of confusion on my side, l never know if it's okay to call. Maybe honesty is threatening, l can understand that. If you have buried feelings so deep for so long then bringing feelings to the forefront with honesty is scary much less discuss them with someone else. So l guess l have to say l truly don't feel it's manipulative behavior. I am trying to understand so that l walk the correct path in all of this. Think we both have matured a lot. So there are only good feelings l believe.

 

[Wolfgangus Faldestolius]

It's silly to "talk about feelings" of that kind. He will show the quality of his friendship by friendship.

Traditionally, women played it slightly harder to get, but what way you want it to go, don't let it go another way.

And don't cosy up excessively just to get a change of housing.

 

[onlything]

It sounds to me like you're talking of emotional invalidation, where the emotions you express towards others are seen as unnecessary, wrong, ridiculous, pointless etc. It's often brought by anxiety about the situation and emotions in general.

Humans feel emotions for a reason - they're not wrong, they tell you that something is wrong or good. When someone invalidates your feelings, they give you a signal that you can't trust yourself and your own emotions (brain) because you're 'wrong' - which isn't true at all.

 

[Aspychata]

Feelings are hard for me to express. And there are more things going on. Guess l wouldn't spill my messy guts all over this virtual web page if there was not genuine feelings. I have been in the process of buying my own roof so that wasn't the issue. You can still have feelings for someone and get frustrated if you aren't allowed to express them. If there were no feelings - l wouldn't be upset. Also l have taken a check and asked myself about these feelings many times and l come back to exactly the same place with exact feelings.

 

[Aspychata]

It sounds to me like you're talking of emotional invalidation, where the emotions you express towards others are seen as unnecessary, wrong, ridiculous, pointless etc. It's often brought by anxiety about the situation and emotions in general.

Humans feel emotions for a reason - they're not wrong, they tell you that something is wrong or good. When someone invalidates your feelings, they give you a signal that you can't trust yourself and your own emotions (brain) because you're 'wrong' - which isn't true at all.

Thanks, this is so true. I have a lot of anxieties about this because of my age. And l really didn't want anyone in my life after my abusive marriage. This wasn't suppose to happen so l beat myself up about my feelings and broke up with him several times in the past over *my feelings* . I am anxiety based in relationships which can suck. But he called me on it and l realised that was immature to do that. But releasing this really helped and this feels peaceful now.
And relationships in general cause anxiety because my poor choices in men really make me distrust my feelings completely. My thoughts are always causing doubts so l am busy invalidating my own thoughts, maybe that's my issue. I think l just figured out my trap. It's almost like l am saying how dare you invalidate my thoughts because l am so great at doing that on my own.

 

[onlything]

Thanks, this is so true. I have a lot of anxieties about this because of my age. And l really didn't want anyone in my life after my abusive marriage. This wasn't suppose to happen so l beat myself up about my feelings and broke up with him several times in the past over *my feelings* . I am anxiety based in relationships which can suck. But he called me on it and l realised that was immature to do that. But releasing this really helped and this feels peaceful now.
And relationships in general cause anxiety because my poor choices in men really make me distrust my feelings completely. My thoughts are always causing doubts so l am busy invalidating my own thoughts, maybe that's my issue. I think l just figured out my trap. It's almost like l am saying how dare you invalidate my thoughts because l am so great at doing that on my own.

It sounds like a really difficult situation in general... Honestly, I'm not too good with emotions myself and I never know how to help or advise in situations I never had to deal with myself. The only thing I can assure you is that me, and I'm sure that others on the forum as well, are listening to you, reading your posts and try to support you. I hope that at least writing here gave some relief.

Don't hesitate to write about your problems or emotions on this forum. Someone will always try to answer and understand... And if you can get insight and clarity about how to approach things in real life as well through that, or even understand yourself a little bit more, then all the better.

 

[Aspychata]

This is the first time l have dissected my relationship anxiety. I cornered that bug eyed anxiety monster, it can't hide from me anymore.☺

 

[SDRSpark]

Don't know really how to respond. This person really helped during a rough time. Sometimes they say they have feelings but sometimes they feel very threatened by feelings. So l don't know if l would call that bring manipulated. I wasn't really looking for serious at this point in my life, so they don't need to take it there if there is nothing to back up what they say. Guess l am looking for honesty and understanding. Like talk honestly about your feelings, l am an adult, l can handle it. But can we not go back and forth, like l so care for you, now l feel like today is friends day only. It can be a little confusing. However this resolves is a good thing, maybe we don't realise how we come across, maybe he needs to address the way l come across. I thought l was just repeating what he was expressing. I have been looking at getting my own place, there has been zero pressure on him from me. I felt l was repeating what he was expressing.

This really doesn't sound OK to me. It sounds like manipulation - the hot and cold "I really care about you but I don't want anything to do with you" thing is something I've experienced and it never ends well.

Put distance between yourself and this person while you can.

 

[Aspychata]

Thank you , the title should be changed to l won't allow me to feel because l am thought repressed l guess, l need to go find my denial pills prescription, l know there here somewhere. Lol

 

[Aspychata]

This really doesn't sound OK to me. It sounds like manipulation - the hot and cold "I really care about you but I don't want anything to do with you" thing is something I've experienced and it never ends well.

Put distance between yourself and this person while you can.

Sometimes this person has their boundaries and suffers from their issues so l can't really claim this completely. They actually are there for me. I just transferred my thought process to them instead of taking responsibility for it.

 

[Aspychata]

Self-isolation is good for cleaning out your emotional closets.

 

[Alexej]

Self-isolation is good for cleaning out your emotional closets.

but not comfortable.

I resonate with that

Feelings are hard for me to express.

you are not alone in that one around here.

 

[onlything]

but not comfortable.

I'm afraid that cleaning up emotional closets is never comfortable... There's a reason why people avoid thinking about or feeling certain things - it's simply painful or anxiety inducing. Then, you suddenly get so much alone time during quarantine that you start thinking, sometimes too much, on things you were too busy to think of before the quarantine.

I still think it's a good opportunity to improve a little bit in the department of emotional intelligence, however unsettling it may turn out to be, and to get to know yourself better.

 

[Aspychata]

Maybe this helps others understand on the spectrum, sometimes it isn't you that is why we shut you out, it's our feelings and hangups that cloud our thoughts. So when some of us on the spectrum push those away from us, it's the feelings that bubble up in us we are trying to acknowledge, but sometimes we can't because that anxiety bug stays buried and we can't face it head-on.

 

[Aspychata]

I'm afraid that cleaning up emotional closets is never comfortable... There's a reason why people avoid thinking about or feeling certain things - it's simply painful or anxiety inducing. Then, you suddenly get so much alone time during quarantine that you start thinking, sometimes too much, on things you were too busy to think of before the quarantine.

I still think it's a good opportunity to improve a little bit in the department of emotional intelligence, however unsettling it may turn out to be, and to get to know yourself better.

At the end of groveling around in the emotional abyss called your mind, as soon as you slam that door shut, then you can add CME's to your emotional maturity certificate. Lol

This smacks strictly of upbringing, as so many of us were silenced as children and not allowed to express our feelings or they were written off as not important. My daughter did a lot of writing as a young child and l think this help her with her emotions, l credit her small kitten helping her process what was left.

 

[onlything]

At the end of groveling around in the emotional abyss called your mind, as soon as you slam that door shut, then you can add CME's to your emotional maturity certificate. Lol

Lol indeed haha!

It does feel like shutting the doors though, sometimes even rather desperately. There are still feelings from when I was younger that are too much and after I feel them, I can't feel anything more for some time. Sometimes the brain feels like it's high on painkillers even, which probably in some hormonal way is true.

 

[Aspychata]

Lol indeed haha!

It does feel like shutting the doors though, sometimes even rather desperately. There are still feelings from when I was younger that are too much and after I feel them, I can't feel anything more for some time. Sometimes the brain feels like it's high on painkillers even, which probably in some hormonal way is true.

Thanks onlything ☺