Newbie who has lost his way..

[Flammie91]

I'm new on this site, as a matter of fact Im kinda new to forums in general, yes I'm a very out of touch millennial. Ive always been kind of skeptical of online communities for a variety of reasons, although Im more or less a social phobic in general. Ive come here because I lack a sufficient amount of quality interaction in my life, especially for the last year since my mom became unwell, she has depression or something.. Ive never really had friends since my teens, and every attempt to integrate with people ends in disappointment. I always thought that my family would be there at the very least but even that is being questioned now.. Lately the isolation has gotten so bad that I have began to create imaginary characters in my mind to interact with, including an entirely new family and a husband and children (Im gay), does anyone else here feel like they are unloved or invisible? Or hated even?

 

[Nitro]

 

[Warmheart]

A warm welcome to you!

 

[Ambi]

Lately the isolation has gotten so bad that I have began to create imaginary characters in my mind to interact with, including an entirely new family and a husband and children (Im gay), does anyone else here feel like they are unloved or invisible? Or hated even?

I felt unloved/invisible/hated most of my life - most especially my entire childhood and teenage years at home (though I had a solid group of friends, thankfully), then even worse when I got to college. I still can feel this way, but I have less to do with others, so it's less apparent/poignant, plus I have learned to "pass" as neurotypical, though by no means with flying colors. I spent all of my teenage years imagining up a new family, friends, even world - and a new self. It was my coping mechanism, it helped me survive emotionally when there were no other options at the time.

 

[LucyPurrs]

Welcome, you are not alone here.

 

[Flammie91]

I felt unloved/invisible/hated most of my life - most especially my entire childhood and teenage years at home (though I had a solid group of friends, thankfully), then even worse when I got to college. I still can feel this way, but I have less to do with others, so it's less apparent/poignant, plus I have learned to "pass" as neurotypical, though by no means with flying colors. I spent all of my teenage years imagining up a new family, friends, even world - and a new self. It was my coping mechanism, it helped me survive emotionally when there were no other options at the time.

I think it may be a pretty common coping mechanism for people who are isolated, Im into visual arts or at least I used to be, I have drawn pictures from my imagination for most of my life, sometimes even the characters I think about. I manage to pass for neurotypical myself a lot of the time or thats what people say, doesnt lead to any lasting relationships though. I dont think I'll ever reach a point where I will be happy being by myself... :/

 

[pjcnet]

I find interacting in a forum to be much less stressful than in real life or even in a real time environment like an online chat room as you can relax and take your time with no pressure to quickly respond to anything or anyone, also you can get involved as much or as little as you wish.

Anyway, you've found a really friendly and non judgemental community, welcome to ASPIESCentral.

 

[Flammie91]

I find interacting in a forum to be much less stressful than in real life or even in a real time environment like an online chat room as you can relax and take your time with no pressure to quickly respond to anything or anyone, also you can get involved as much or as little as you wish.

Anyway, you've found a really friendly and non judgemental community, welcome to ASPIESCentral.

I hope your right about that, hehe. For me its not really that I dont enjoy socializing in person or that Im really bad at it per se, its just people aren't compelled to have lasting contact with me for some reason, maybe theres something Im not doing, or Im a bit weird to them?

 

[pjcnet]

I hope your right about that, hehe. For me its not really that I dont enjoy socializing in person or that Im really bad at it per se, its just people aren't compelled to have lasting contact with me for some reason, maybe theres something Im not doing, or Im a bit weird to them?

You definitely don't seem weird to me, but a large proportion of members of this community including myself most probably come across as somewhat "weird" or perhaps even eccentric to many NTs lol!

Edit: People with autism can be a little different, but that isn't always a bad thing. I've also hit hurdles where people have appeared to dislike me in groups, but sometimes over time when they've overcome their initial prejudices I've become a lot more accepted.

 

[Flammie91]

You definitely don't seem weird to me, but a large proportion of members of this community including myself most probably come across as somewhat "weird" or perhaps even eccentric to many NTs lol!

Edit: People with autism can be a little different, but that isn't always a bad thing. I've also hit hurdles where people have appeared to dislike me in groups, but sometimes over time when they've overcome their initial prejudices I've become a lot more accepted.

Its great to meet people who can accept your quirks, or even like them, too bad not everyones like that, for me personally I find often people become more intolerant of me over time, I think we begin to kinda rub eachother the wrong way at some point and it just begins to snowball, unfortunately I find once people get a bad impression of you they just keep that idea in their heads, even if you try to come to a compromise, theyll say everythings okay, but it just isnt the same after that, in my experience.

 

[OkRad]

i am certainly "weird" by NT standards, even therapists! But here? I feel like I have another family here. We really get one another.

I have been on other boards, too, but they never resonated.

I hope you like it here You can be as "weird" as you like, which just means you will be normal to us.

 

[Flammie91]

I hope I do to ☺, i havent been on any of the other ones yet. I tried registering at wrong planet but the registration was overly complicated.. So here I am, lol.

 

[tree]

 

[Lula1989]

I hope your right about that, hehe. For me its not really that I dont enjoy socializing in person or that Im really bad at it per se, its just people aren't compelled to have lasting contact with me for some reason, maybe theres something Im not doing, or Im a bit weird to them?

I think a lot of my pushing people away that could be friends has a lot to do with my hate for breaking my routine and being a generally quiet person. Once we are friends, I don't shut up. Finding someone that has the same interests as me (nutrition or history) has helped me keep a conversation going, therefore the other person doesn't think I am bored with them.. Not sure if you decline hanging out because of your routine, but that is my biggest downfall with relationships

 

[Lula1989]

Have you ever started a friendship by expressing what you have right off the bat, and telling them that certain quirks may seem like you are closed off, but it's not them. May help... It has drastically helped one of my friendships

 

[Flammie91]

Have you ever started a friendship by expressing what you have right off the bat, and telling them that certain quirks may seem like you are closed off, but it's not them. May help... It has drastically helped one of my friendships

Im pretty much an open door when it comes to my quirks, as for interests well I'll usually bring them up anyway, most people talk about other people it seems but I dont know anyone, lol, so its a bit of a catch 22 there, you kind of got to know people in order to know more of them.

 

[Lula1989]

I watch what people are doing and are reading at work. I try to use that as my basis for convo, and it has worked. but the friendships don;t go outside of work because I hate breaking my routine or feel like we have said all that we can at work, so meeting outside of work we will have nothing to talk about and I'll make it awkward.

 

[Flammie91]

I watch what people are doing and are reading at work. I try to use that as my basis for convo, and it has worked. but the friendships don;t go outside of work because I hate breaking my routine or feel like we have said all that we can at work, so meeting outside of work we will have nothing to talk about and I'll make it awkward.

I think if it weren't for work today most people would interact a lot less than they would otherwise, they'd probably use that time to waitch netflix or some kinda solitary activity. I dont think that makes you that much different, lol.

 

[kay]

This is a good forum that I think you'll like since quite a few of us are weird and a bit invisible. I finally got out of isolation at 38 but still feel invisible because there are those people out there that completely ignore me while talking to whom ever I'm with. Partly because I'm small, partly because I'm quiet. I have learned to appreciate my weirdness and am finding a few others who like it, too. I think this forum had helped out with a bit with me being able to quit trying to be "normal"so much, it was a bad habit and one I'll be happy to finally rid myself off someday I hope. Anyhoo, welcome to the forum!

 

[Flammie91]

This is a good forum that I think you'll like since quite a few of us are weird and a bit invisible. I finally got out of isolation at 38 but still feel invisible because there are those people out there that completely ignore me while talking to whom ever I'm with. Partly because I'm small, partly because I'm quiet. I have learned to appreciate my weirdness and am finding a few others who like it, too. I think this forum had helped out with a bit with me being able to quit trying to be "normal"so much, it was a bad habit and one I'll be happy to finally rid myself off someday I hope. Anyhoo, welcome to the forum!

Thank you ^_^, I think you'll get there someday, it just takes a few trials and tribulations to realize how much of your time and energy you waste trying to be 'normal' and how little you get for doing it. Ive began to see that within the past year more especially.