Skahthic
New Member
I am not formally dx'd, at least so far as I know. When I was a young child, the school made me take a battery of tests because a teacher thought I behaved oddly compared to other students. This also was after getting expelled from pre-k for my inability to interact with/inability to share/willingness to hit other kids/harm the other kids. My mom simply told me that I was "special", but that was it and i was told no more. Never. Since I was 6 years old, that seemed to be a valid enough explanation and I didn't pursue further answers from my mom after that.
I am 45 years old now and my mom passed away years ago so I can no longer question her regarding actual test results, and my whole life throughout childhood into adulthood was often filled with confusion, inappropriate behaviors that I didn't realize were inappropriate, loneliness and being bullied. I was absolutely fascinated with insects and spiders, rocks, and collecting thousands (buckets) of horse chestnuts each fall that i would categorize by size, texture, shape, etc--- things that were extremely nerdy and even icky to some kids. I would often say whatever came to my mind out loud, even if it wasn't a nice thing to say out loud (i never understood why saying the blunt truth wasn't always the right thing to do, since i was taught that lying was the bad thing and honesty was the best policy). So, I tended to stay to myself a lot because it seemed safer growing up "invisible".
As an adult, I still don't seem to fit into the "expected" female role--- I never cared to be a mother so i never had kids, and I feel rather misplaced when surrounded by other women in my age bracket, I enjoy the company of cars, animals and the few eccentric people who do seem to appreciate me (also "odd ducks"). I have unfortunately become very skeptical and wary over the years concerning people's true intentions due to people sensing my difficulties socially and my trying to be nice to everyone. That resulted in some people using me and exploiting me in the guise of friendship.
So now i tend to distrust everyone i am not familiar with, which leads to my being less and less social or trying to be, and some even saying that I am not a caring friend or aloof. These days, I still often l blurt out things that other people may hear differently than what I actually meant when I said it. Maybe my inflection or timing, or too bluntly presented? Not sure. So though I have no formal diagnosis, I'm pretty sure I fit in here somewhere on the spectrum. A few people have also (gently) told me that they believe I am someplace on the spectrum, too. People I have known for years and who seem to be genuine and honest.
However, my psychiatrist told me that I can't be on the autism/asperger's spectrum because I am female as opposed to male, and because i actually do have some friends (usually also weird or quirky yet very understanding ones) though it wasn't easy to make AND keep them. I should make more efforts to not only have friends, but to truly BE a friend. I am employed and can care for myself and pay my bills, and my psychiatrist thinks that autism is usually on the severe or nonverbal end of the spectrum and unable to perform ADLs or hold down jobs. So by those standards, I should not be able to communicate at all or take baths or comprehend my surroundings. I'm supposed to be like well known stereotypes, such as Rainman, the Dustin Hoffman character.
How do I get around and beyond so many outdated stereotypes and beliefs? How do I find someone else in a clinical setting that has evolved their outdated beliefs and learned/kept up with all the recent scientific studies and information? I feel so lost, no clue where to look.
And at my age, a formal diagnosis is not likely to truly matter or change my life, since I am not likely to change anything I am doing in my life... I have managed to be a productive and willing member in this world, despite my differences and occasional problems attempting to be "human", and I will continue to do so, since everything is on my schedule the way it works best for me, and i have my daily routine down pretty well. But the potential piece of mind of simply getting some answers to explain all the hurt, confusion, and feeling/knowing that something just didn't click instinctively my entire life like it did so naturally for others, I believe, would put me more at general ease and make some sense of the last 45 years where i simply couldn't figure out how to be like normal people who seemed to figure things out easily and be socially adept while i was constantly trying to figure out why my efforts often failed and alienated me from my peers. And that is the basic gist of it all. I just want answers, a reason, anything that would make everything suddenly make sense.
Anyone here have any possible and feasible ideas regarding professional testing to see if my suspicions (as well as the suspicions of other peoplewho have observed me over time) have any validity to them? I live in west central Florida, if that helps to narrow down any potential doctors familiar with brain/neurological/social/autism spectrum and related issues. Thank you.
I am 45 years old now and my mom passed away years ago so I can no longer question her regarding actual test results, and my whole life throughout childhood into adulthood was often filled with confusion, inappropriate behaviors that I didn't realize were inappropriate, loneliness and being bullied. I was absolutely fascinated with insects and spiders, rocks, and collecting thousands (buckets) of horse chestnuts each fall that i would categorize by size, texture, shape, etc--- things that were extremely nerdy and even icky to some kids. I would often say whatever came to my mind out loud, even if it wasn't a nice thing to say out loud (i never understood why saying the blunt truth wasn't always the right thing to do, since i was taught that lying was the bad thing and honesty was the best policy). So, I tended to stay to myself a lot because it seemed safer growing up "invisible".
As an adult, I still don't seem to fit into the "expected" female role--- I never cared to be a mother so i never had kids, and I feel rather misplaced when surrounded by other women in my age bracket, I enjoy the company of cars, animals and the few eccentric people who do seem to appreciate me (also "odd ducks"). I have unfortunately become very skeptical and wary over the years concerning people's true intentions due to people sensing my difficulties socially and my trying to be nice to everyone. That resulted in some people using me and exploiting me in the guise of friendship.
So now i tend to distrust everyone i am not familiar with, which leads to my being less and less social or trying to be, and some even saying that I am not a caring friend or aloof. These days, I still often l blurt out things that other people may hear differently than what I actually meant when I said it. Maybe my inflection or timing, or too bluntly presented? Not sure. So though I have no formal diagnosis, I'm pretty sure I fit in here somewhere on the spectrum. A few people have also (gently) told me that they believe I am someplace on the spectrum, too. People I have known for years and who seem to be genuine and honest.
However, my psychiatrist told me that I can't be on the autism/asperger's spectrum because I am female as opposed to male, and because i actually do have some friends (usually also weird or quirky yet very understanding ones) though it wasn't easy to make AND keep them. I should make more efforts to not only have friends, but to truly BE a friend. I am employed and can care for myself and pay my bills, and my psychiatrist thinks that autism is usually on the severe or nonverbal end of the spectrum and unable to perform ADLs or hold down jobs. So by those standards, I should not be able to communicate at all or take baths or comprehend my surroundings. I'm supposed to be like well known stereotypes, such as Rainman, the Dustin Hoffman character.
How do I get around and beyond so many outdated stereotypes and beliefs? How do I find someone else in a clinical setting that has evolved their outdated beliefs and learned/kept up with all the recent scientific studies and information? I feel so lost, no clue where to look.
And at my age, a formal diagnosis is not likely to truly matter or change my life, since I am not likely to change anything I am doing in my life... I have managed to be a productive and willing member in this world, despite my differences and occasional problems attempting to be "human", and I will continue to do so, since everything is on my schedule the way it works best for me, and i have my daily routine down pretty well. But the potential piece of mind of simply getting some answers to explain all the hurt, confusion, and feeling/knowing that something just didn't click instinctively my entire life like it did so naturally for others, I believe, would put me more at general ease and make some sense of the last 45 years where i simply couldn't figure out how to be like normal people who seemed to figure things out easily and be socially adept while i was constantly trying to figure out why my efforts often failed and alienated me from my peers. And that is the basic gist of it all. I just want answers, a reason, anything that would make everything suddenly make sense.
Anyone here have any possible and feasible ideas regarding professional testing to see if my suspicions (as well as the suspicions of other peoplewho have observed me over time) have any validity to them? I live in west central Florida, if that helps to narrow down any potential doctors familiar with brain/neurological/social/autism spectrum and related issues. Thank you.
