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"New" Aspie tries to prove that maybe he's wrong about having austism...

christiaan LeGrand

christiaan LeGrand

Active Member
So...last Saturday there was a naughty little gathering of members at my tennis club where I teach... maybe 20 members all brought their own alcohol and were having an impromptu party ... I should add that everyone was staying quite separated ... they all had their individual little "island" on the grass, and it was outside ... I was walking off my court, pretty tired as usual from teaching and thought, "I'm going to say hi and join in for a bit. What the heck. I bet if I relax, I can have fun ."

So I saw my someone I knew well, and joined him in a conversation... I think he may be a little atypical too... the conversation went right to fabrication process differences between Intel and AMD microprocessors ... but the volume of the conversations around me got louder quickly. Within 10 mins I couldn't discern half of what he was saying ... almost nothing at times. I suddenly had this deep regret for getting myself into that situation and now I was playing the "random reactions" game, hoping the nod and smile was coming at the right moment ...

Oh well. So much for that.
 
@christiaan LeGrand You said: ....playing the "random reactions" game, hoping the nod and smile was coming at the right moment ..." Oi! Well put! I can't count the times I have had that going on, complete with the inner dialog asking how I got into that and how am I going to get out of it! How did it end? What was your escape?
 
I think you kind of got evidence 'for' rather than 'against'. And I recognise that dilemma of being willing to be sociable yet apparently not able to participate. It's frustrating, but I gave up on unstructured social interaction. There's still structured opportunities, well, outside of a pandemic happening. Like classes, or interest groups I mean.
 
Been there, done that, they didn't have a t-shirt for it.

I hate noisy locations with multiple conversations all at about the same volume. My brain short circuits trying to track them all - picking up random words and phrases when it should be relegating them to background noise.
 
I believe it was an option to let him know you can't hear him, rather than pretend. Perhaps you could even have gone to a different, nearby, quieter location. I would have said, "I can't hear you so I'm gonna go now! It was nice talking to you! Bye!"
 
Yep. I've had that happen. Large family gatherings from back when. Over a hundred and fifty in a single location.
This was years ago. Back then I didn't speak a lot. Course didn't need too. Everyone else spoke to everyone else.
 
OkRad said:
@christiaan LeGrand You said: ....playing the "random reactions" game, hoping the nod and smile was coming at the right moment ..." Oi! Well put! I can't count the times I have had that going on, complete with the inner dialog asking how I got into that and how am I going to get out of it! How did it end? What was your escape?
Click to expand...

I kinda lucked out. The acting manager came out and broke everything up, and a tennis member was complaining about the noise level... that guy and I continued out to the parking lot, where we could talk a bit ... I wasn't relaxed any longer and couldn't "flow at all, but at least I could basically hear him. The thing that sucked was that he was really into the conversation laughing and emotion and I wasn't understanding it.

After we parted ways, I texted him and said icwas sorry if it seemed I tuned out, but in the crowd my Aperger's was kicking in .. he said it was no big deal :).
 
Fino said:
I believe it was an option to let him know you can't hear him, rather than pretend. Perhaps you could even have gone to a different, nearby, quieter location. I would have said, "I can't hear you so I'm gonna go now! It was nice talking to you! Bye!"
Click to expand...

I hear ya. I kinda get panicky and feel like I already acted weird and some part of me hopes that I'll get my composure back and then clear things up, rather than bail and leave it 100% weird... maybe that makes no sense.
 
Wolfsage said:
Yep. I've had that happen. Large family gatherings from back when. Over a hundred and fifty in a single location.
This was years ago. Back then I didn't speak a lot. Course didn't need too. Everyone else spoke to everyone else.
Click to expand...

Oh yeah ... my solution: mull about incessantly and avoid the extroverts like the plague.
 
20201215_210439.jpg
 
Hes such a nice guy... and he's a little out there... I think that might actually end up being a good thing. We've known eachother a long time. We have a TON of common interests too.
 
In that situation, I let the person know that I can't hear and suggest that we move to somewhere quieter.
 
christiaan LeGrand said:
So I saw my someone I knew well, and joined him in a conversation... I think he may be a little atypical too... the conversation went right to fabrication process differences between Intel and AMD microprocessors ... but the volume of the conversations around me got louder quickly. Within 10 mins I couldn't discern half of what he was saying ... almost nothing at times. I suddenly had this deep regret for getting myself into that situation and now I was playing the "random reactions" game, hoping the nod and smile was coming at the right moment ...
Click to expand...

I relate to this so much! Ugh. I wish more people understood this...I sometimes find myself pressured to be in situations where there are a lot of people/conversations, and where I would be required to conduct business. The issue is, I can't understand speech in those situations. It comes out garbled. The acoustics of a given location can make it better, or worse, so some places are better than others...but in general I can expect to have a difficult time engaging in conversation if there are a lot of other conversations happening. I get overwhelmed and start to panic when I'm in those situations.

I feel like an outcast and like I'm not doing my part when I'm not "taking my turn" being in that situation. But how am I supposed to conduct business when every conversation is garbled?
 
SDRSpark said:
The issue is, I can't understand speech in those situations. It comes out garbled. The acoustics of a given location can make it better, or worse, so some places are better than others...but in general I can expect to have a difficult time engaging in conversation if there are a lot of other conversations happening. I get overwhelmed and start to panic when I'm in those situations.

I feel like an outcast and like I'm not doing my part when I'm not "taking my turn" being in that situation. But how am I supposed to conduct business when every conversation is garbled?
Click to expand...

Exactly! Garbage in, garbage out!

What REALLY sucks about this situation and the outcome ... it was outdoors lolololol! No issue with acoustics.... however, there was this, and it is likely a big contributor - everyone was significantly "social distancing," so they were substantially raising their voices to speak. That definitely made it worse.
 
christiaan LeGrand said:
Exactly! Garbage in, garbage out!

What REALLY sucks about this situation and the outcome ... it was outdoors lolololol! No issue with acoustics.... however, there was this, and it is likely a big contributor - everyone was significantly "social distancing," so they were substantially raising their voices to speak. That definitely made it worse.
Click to expand...

Stress levels also make it a lot more challenging. The exact same situation might be fine on one day and impossible to navigate on another day.
 
christiaan LeGrand said:
I hear ya. I kinda get panicky and feel like I already acted weird and some part of me hopes that I'll get my composure back and then clear things up, rather than bail and leave it 100% weird... maybe that makes no sense.
Click to expand...

Makes sense to me! Seeking redemption.
 
Yes, this is what happens. A cheerful thought gets turned on its head as the reality of sensitivities comes in. Some days I want to sign out of chat forums forever, face-to-face engagements, actually life in general. But then I think the world has never been workable for me & is variable for most people let alone having Autism Spectrum Disorder with comorbidities! So, I block annoying people & get on with my day. This poor tired old world needs to calm down & have a rest. We all suffer.
 
christiaan LeGrand said:
So...last Saturday there was a naughty little gathering of members at my tennis club where I teach... maybe 20 members all brought their own alcohol and were having an impromptu party ... I should add that everyone was staying quite separated ... they all had their individual little "island" on the grass, and it was outside ... I was walking off my court, pretty tired as usual from teaching and thought, "I'm going to say hi and join in for a bit. What the heck. I bet if I relax, I can have fun ."

So I saw my someone I knew well, and joined him in a conversation... I think he may be a little atypical too... the conversation went right to fabrication process differences between Intel and AMD microprocessors ... but the volume of the conversations around me got louder quickly. Within 10 mins I couldn't discern half of what he was saying ... almost nothing at times. I suddenly had this deep regret for getting myself into that situation and now I was playing the "random reactions" game, hoping the nod and smile was coming at the right moment ...

Oh well. So much for that.
Click to expand...
christiaan LeGrand said:
So...last Saturday there was a naughty little gathering of members at my tennis club where I teach... maybe 20 members all brought their own alcohol and were having an impromptu party ... I should add that everyone was staying quite separated ... they all had their individual little "island" on the grass, and it was outside ... I was walking off my court, pretty tired as usual from teaching and thought, "I'm going to say hi and join in for a bit. What the heck. I bet if I relax, I can have fun ."

So I saw my someone I knew well, and joined him in a conversation... I think he may be a little atypical too... the conversation went right to fabrication process differences between Intel and AMD microprocessors ... but the volume of the conversations around me got louder quickly. Within 10 mins I couldn't discern half of what he was saying ... almost nothing at times. I suddenly had this deep regret for getting myself into that situation and now I was playing the "random reactions" game, hoping the nod and smile was coming at the right moment ...

Oh well. So much for that.
Click to expand...
 
I understand what you are talking about. I have trouble in conversations where there is surround noises. It is called sensory processing disorder.
I am older, so now when this happens I tell the person that I am distracted by all the noise and if we could talk somewhere quieter. Usually people tell me they have the same problem.
By telling the other person, you probably would make them feel better, since they might pick up on your distraction.
 
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