New and Unsure

[Soleil]

Hi everyone! I always feel super awkward introducing myself, but here goes:

My (not real) name is Soleil, I'm about 30 years old, and I prefer they/ them pronouns for myself, but I'll she/ her pronouns in languages that don't have that option. I like cats, books, music, video games, manga, anime, languages, and the Oxford comma.

I am really unsure of myself right now. I never really thought I might have autism before, but I keep finding myself relating to the stories I'm hearing, so I'm really confused.

I have basically zero social skills and have no idea how to carry a conversation. I just never know what to say. I once heard someone say that they would have no idea what to say unless they had a script, and that's exactly how I feel. I am constantly astounded by the way people can just carry on a conversation and add things to say, respond, and so on. No mater how hard I try, I struggle to say anything more than a generic agreement with the other person in the hopes that they'll be satisfied and leave me alone. I swear I need some sort of script to follow or I'm useless unless they're asking a question I can answer. I'm better at talking with friends and family, but still struggle sometimes, and usually end up meowing at them as a response. My therapist thinks I just have underdeveloped social skills, and maybe there's some truth to this. But at the same time, this doesn't feel right. I find myself putting off responses so that I can use them later to further the conversation, so I have something to say later. Is it normal to have to strategize so much for a simple conversation?

Beyond social anxiety, I am pretty much stuck to a routine. When I go to the store after work, I keep looking at my watch and thinking about what I'd be doing if I wasn't at the store. If I go out with my family I feel a little less nervous, but I still feel totally lost and have to follow their lead.

I like to have things in their proper place, like how my striped washcloth is always to the left of my white one.

I have some sensory issues, but mainly bright lights (the sun especially) and lots of flashing lights (strobe lights especially give me anxiety)

There's more, but I've already written a lot. I should be talking to a doctor, but I wanted to learn a little more first.

And there are a few points that seem common in ASD that I don't seem to have: I love fantasy and playing make-believe, and I don't think I have a problem with general social cues, or with understanding most humor and sarcasm.

So yeah. Sorry for the long introduction...

 

[tree]

 

[Au Naturel]

"My therapist thinks I just have underdeveloped social skills."

I'd get a new therapist. Unless you were raised on a homestead and never sent to school, there is no such thing as "just have underdeveloped social skills." The question is not whether your skills are undeveloped by why they are undeveloped. If it is because of Asperger's, you probably need to learn skills a bit differently than most people.

I learned mine by algorithm, a series of "If... then..." statements that don't depend on intuition. It is slow and can come off as cautious or reticent. Over decades I started to pick up on all the subtleties I was missing and I'll probably never get all the way there. When I leave that method behind, there's a real chance I'll make a mess of things.

 

[Aspychata]

You sound perfectly normal to me but maybe that's why l am here.

Sometimes you just make up the conversation script- like make believe. Most people follow along, l look for social clues, what they want to talk about. But l am older, so it's easier for me. As a young person, it was difficult.

 

[MyLifeAsAnAspie]

Welcome to the forums . You make a good argument towards being autistic. I have heard many therapists aren't open to the idea of adult diagnosed ASD. Makes sense, since there is no specific adult ASD therapy. And finding someone who can diagnose adult ASD is hard enough, but for females it's even harder.

 

[NightMuse]

Welcome, Soleil. I hope you're able to learn more about ASD here; there are a lot of very knowledgeable folks who can help.

 

[Giraffes]

Welcome Soleil, yes the things you have shared may be Autism, i script situations, meeting people etc. guess i'm hoping for accepted, to increase predictability and out-come, i'm older than you diagnosis was self funded and when i was 40 years old.
My experiences have been diagnosis gave me a label, 'Aspergers' this forum has let me connect with people that live how their Autism is for them, i hope you enjoy it here.

 

[Sarah S]

Warm welcome

Only cert ASD evalution doc /team can derterman if you have or dont have this of course but to me id say you might have some NP diagnose whether its ASD or some other or multiple or any i leave to the professionals to conclude .

If youre this unsure have you conciderd the online tests that are available ? This might get you some more info on youre suspicions reg possible ASD. (most of this tests are in my sig so all you need to do is do a search on the name and you`l find them im shore.

 

[Alexej]

Welcome @Soleil

Glad to have you among us. I am constantly learning from folks here and I had to look up the Oxford comma (which was new to me). Thank you for that gem

 

[clg114]

Welcome to Autism Forums!

 

[Running Girl]

What you describe sounds normal for those of us on this website! Seems like things such as lack of imagination and lack of humor are more stereotype than reality. And females on the spectrum also tend to be creative. Nevertheless, I appreciate how its a shock at first to find you may have this thing. Scary, but also strangely comforting (at least it was for me), as a lot things about life, our experiences of it , finally make sense.

 

[Soleil]

Thanks all for the kind welcome

"My therapist thinks I just have underdeveloped social skills."

I'd get a new therapist. Unless you were raised on a homestead and never sent to school, there is no such thing as "just have underdeveloped social skills." The question is not whether your skills are undeveloped by why they are undeveloped. If it is because of Asperger's, you probably need to learn skills a bit differently than most people.

Thanks to a certain birth defect, my face looks noticeably different, even after multiple surgeries to fix it. So back in middle school I was made fun of and teased and bullied by almost everyone, and those who didn't bully me just ignored me. So with no one to really talk to, I never really had a chance to use social skills or lean how to interact with people. Though now I'm wondering if there's more to it than just that. My next session with her is in a few weeks, so I'll talk to her about it then.

If youre this unsure have you conciderd the online tests that are available ? This might get you some more info on youre suspicions reg possible ASD. (most of this tests are in my sig so all you need to do is do a search on the name and you`l find them im shore.

I have taken a couple. I got a RAADS-R score of 124, a 35 on the AQ test, and a neurodiverse score of 114/ neurotypical score of 88 on the Aspie Quiz. Seems every tests says I should get checked out.

But the main reason I'm here is to get to know the community and learn a little bit (about the community and about myself) before I reach out to a doctor.

 

[Thinx]

Hi and welcome, this is a friendly place and there are useful discussions on many topics relevant to autism, so hopefully this will be helpful for you.

Understanding of autism is improving, but therapists are not always well informed about it, and they don't always feel comfortable admitting that, either. Hope yours is able to tell you what training she has in the area of autism, if any. I went to one a while back who was clueless about it, and went on a one day training which she then seemed to think had fully informed her... many don't even have that much training on autism.

I hope you enjoy it here, and find out more about autism.

 

[Sarah S]

Thanks all for the kind welcome

Thanks to a certain birth defect, my face looks noticeably different, even after multiple surgeries to fix it. So back in middle school I was made fun of and teased and bullied by almost everyone, and those who didn't bully me just ignored me. So with no one to really talk to, I never really had a chance to use social skills or lean how to interact with people. Though now I'm wondering if there's more to it than just that. My next session with her is in a few weeks, so I'll talk to her about it then.

I have taken a couple. I got a RAADS-R score of 124, a 35 on the AQ test, and a neurodiverse score of 114/ neurotypical score of 88 on the Aspie Quiz. Seems every tests says I should get checked out.

But the main reason I'm here is to get to know the community and learn a little bit (about the community and about myself) before I reach out to a doctor.

That certain birth defect dont happen to be lipp palet and cleft ? I was born with that too and like you i was also made a fool just based on my look from pre kindergarten, THEN added to that all my diagnosis which dident help any either so belive me i understand better then you might think. Could be both

well then there you have the answer to youre question you most possibly MIGHT be Asperger or as its called now ASD 1. the RAADS-R is actually a well known diagnose tool for the professionals to diagnose ASD, designed by Karolinska hospital /WELL known and widley accepted in this field here in Sweden were i also live. So now its only you can decide if you feel its worth it to actually get this checked out and possibly get a diagnose or if you feel its okey to remain self diagnosed Asperger (ASD 1). same here im Severe on all of them (incl a few other swedich ones )

I understand and im shore you will find youre stay in here as pleasant and welcoming as i did when i came in here. and i also agree that you should try to learn both in here and also check the Webb for what Asperger in us wimen is like. (there is a difference in men and wimen on how we show our tics and problems , males are usely more visible and out showing whereas us wimen are often more subtle in in ours

heres a good start for you about female asbie

Aspienwomen: Moving towards an adult female profile of Autism/Asperger Syndrome

And also you CANT compare youre self to others (incl in here ) as this NP diagnosis are highly individual . add to that theres also gender , and also said level of ASD and added co morbid diagnosis

 

[Soleil]

That certain birth defect dont happen to be lipp palet and cleft ? I was born with that too and like you i was also made a fool just based on my look from pre kindergarten, THEN added to that all my diagnosis which dident help any either so belive me i understand better then you might think. Could be both

It isn't, actually. What I have is called Treacher-Collins Syndrome, which gave me a small jaw, misshapen eyes, and underformed ears with no open ear canal. I've had a lot of surgeries to fix these, so it's harder to tell now, but it was very obvious as a child.

(there is a difference in men and wimen on how we show our tics and problems , males are usely more visible and out showing whereas us wimen are often more subtle in in ours

My problem with this is that I'm MtF transgender, so I don't know whether I would fit the male traits or the female. I do identify with a lot of those female traits though.

heres a good start for you about female asbie

Aspienwomen: Moving towards an adult female profile of Autism/Asperger Syndrome

Thank you, that was interesting to look at. I suppose I should make a note of all the traits I feel I have.

 

[Sarah S]

It isn't, actually. What I have is called Treacher-Collins Syndrome, which gave me a small jaw, misshapen eyes, and underformed ears with no open ear canal. I've had a lot of surgeries to fix these, so it's harder to tell now, but it was very obvious as a child.


My problem with this is that I'm MtF transgender, so I don't know whether I would fit the male traits or the female. I do identify with a lot of those female traits though.


Thank you, that was interesting to look at. I suppose I should make a note of all the traits I feel I have.

Oh okey i understand, well i just hope they managed to fix you up as well .

As a TS youre brain is 99 % similar to a born women so you would go under female version.

Youre welcome . Just remember what i said DONT compare youre self to much to those either, theres still also Level and possible Co morbid diagnosis