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Need input for my son, 4 year old

N

NewDaddy

New Member
Hello everyone.
I, as many parents have so many questions, but I can never get any help.

Short story- escaped and left Canada for Mexico during covid for political reasons, and we left with my 4 year old and 2 year old sons.

My 4 year old, I have never been able to get him any help, during covid was exceptionally impossible really.

He’s a very happy 4 year old boy. Sweet, not violent, very quiet and content.
He has never spoken “sentences”, more like like “scripted speech” where he just repeats things we see on education shows etc. never a “hi daddy” or “hi mommy”.

BUT he will say things!! He will say “cold” if the water is cold or he is cold, or “pee” if he has to pee. He can count perfectly, to 100, he can spell words, he knew his alphabet early, but with real context. He understands everything I say to him, follows instruction , and has made big improvements on his own.

Things like eye contact, all the time not an issue anymore. Plays perfectly with kids, gentle and sweet. Prefers to play by himself but loves playing with kids when he wants to.

He just will not speak proper context sentences. My 2 year old is further along than him with this.

I know there’s something wrong, and I know he gets it from me because I am the same way. adult, never diagnosed but very clear. (Obsessed with numberes/Time/enjoys only solo things, hates being in social environments, but can force it fine etc)

I just don’t know what to do for my boy. He loves his school, he really enjoys it and is super happy but there is no help or resources for us here.

So here I am, to try and Learn, answer questions and ask questions. I love my so. So much and he’s so sweet, I just need to know HOW to help him.

Whatever this is I know it’s very low spectrum as he is very functional like any other child. It’s mainly speech orientated and his tick type behaviour is super minimal, only the odd and rare hand flap, which used to by much worse.
He can talk, he talks all the time, but it’s all scripted repeated speech.

Thank you for reading this
 
The greatest help you can give your son is to support him even if you don't always understand. Especially when other people try to force him to "be normal". Speak to people here and learn how to defend your son, he will need it.
 
Oh every child is different and I’m never going to “force” anything on my child. He will do what he wants to do

I just need to get a better idea on what’s going on possibly, and what I can do for him, everyday all the time. I know whatever it is, is very low spectrum.
 
Your older son sounds very much like I was as a child. I managed to be very successful in the first half of my life. When I finally got a diagnosis at the age of 55 I turned out to be ASD2 but high function.

Autistic social development is a lot slower than with most people, it takes us longer to "grow up", but don't mistake that for learning difficulties. In some ways we are far more aware than most other people and often very sensitive to other people's emotions.

The same as quite a few other people on these forums, as a child and a young man I got along better with older people than I did with those my own age. That's a part of the slower social development. Most of us suffer quite cruelly during our school years, not just from other students but also from teachers. This is where he will need to have the most support. As long as his home is a safe and happy place he'll mature at his own pace, I didn't have that.
 
Just a thought that sparked while reading your post, but I have no idea if it is relevant. It sounds like you moved from a predominantly English speaking country to a predominantly Spanish-speaking country right at a time when your son would’ve been developing language. Could this contribute to some of his speech delay?

I don’t understand what you mean by low spectrum… Do you mean high functioning?
 
Thanks for the reply.
No he should have been speaking at 2 like my little boy is. We only moved 6 months ago. My 2 year old is further with sentence structure (“where’s mommy?”) (“oh I help”) (“look at me!”) stuff my 4 year old never did at his age and stil now, but I know he CAN talk.

He is a lot like me, I obviously went undiagnosed but I’m super successful in life but always in “solo” type businesses , mainly in stock market where I don’t have to deal with other people. But he is very very happy and content. I just want to really work on his speech and to feel comfortable to SAY these things I know he can. Just a few minutes ago he said “oh I’m stuck” which was correct for his situation
 
Have you thought about him having a pet? Because taking care of the pet's needs may bring him out. Are you immersing him in the new language?
 
Aspychata said:
Have you thought about him having a pet? Because taking care of the pet's needs may bring him out. Are you immersing him in the new language?
Click to expand...
Yes he goes to a bilingual school, and is slowly learning of course. But might be confusing at the same time. My little one is having no issues with it.

We have had pets the entire time he’s been alive except for the last 6months as the last of our furry kids passed on. So he knows animals well.
 
I received speech therapy when I was 7. My grade 1 teacher told mum I had severe learning difficulties, Mum knew that was wrong, and at the end of the year I scored 100% on every exam.

My grade 2 teacher told Mum that I was dyslexic and that I would never be able to read, Mum nearly wet herself laughing. By that stage I had already exhausted the children's section of the public library and had started on mainstream novels. Once again I scored 100% in all of the end of year exams.

My grade 3 teacher was smart. She told Mum (yes, I can remember ever nuance of all the conversation) that I had no learning difficulties. She said that I learned too quickly and I was bored. She said I had trouble reading out loud and she thought it was because I was tongue tied, a situation where the skin under the tongue is too short and restricts movement making speech difficult.

That wasn't true either, but that was the first time ever that someone besides my Mum was on my side. I loved Mrs McFetridge. She was very strict and I was terrified of her too, but I loved her. She got Mum to take me to see a friend of hers, an old bishop. He gave me elocution lessons, or in his own words, he taught me how to speak very loudly without yelling, and how to read with perfect diction so that people up the back of the church can hear you clearly and understand every word.

I did it because I wanted to impress Mrs McFetridge. She reinforced those lessons by getting me to read stories to the class and telling me how good I was.

Later in life many people regretted me taking those lessons, and there's quite a few ex-girlfriends that will tell you I'm very good at delivering a sermon. :)
 
Aspychata said:
Have you thought about him having a pet? Because taking care of the pet's needs may bring him out. Are you immersing him in the new language?
Click to expand...
This is such a great idea – sometimes children have a better time speaking with an animal, too. One of the reading programs I used to teach at had volunteer dogs and the children would read to the dogs.

NewDaddy said:
We have had pets the entire time he’s been alive except for the last 6months as the last of our furry kids passed on
Click to expand...

This can be traumatic for children, and it happened around when you moved, as well. Considering introducing a new pet into the family could be very helpful…. especially if he is used to it.
 
When I was little my best friend was Nicky. He was mostly cocker spaniel but he had just enough blue heeler in him to make him think he could win fights. I didn't have to speak to Nicky, we understood each other.
 
Rodafina said:
This is such a great idea – sometimes children have a better time speaking with an animal, too. One of the reading programs I used to teach at had volunteer dogs and the children would read to the dogs.



This can be traumatic for children, and it happened around when you moved, as well. Considering introducing a new pet into the family could be very helpful…. especially if he is used to it.
Click to expand...
My daughter felt in charge of her kitten. She named it, and it spent the night with her, so l believe it taught her responsibility, and helped her with things to talk about. She ended up writing a super kitty story that she spent several weeks writing and illustrating at a young age.
 
NewDaddy said:
Hello everyone.
I, as many parents have so many questions, but I can never get any help.
Click to expand...
Keep looking! You're your son's best advocate--if you keep looking, you'll find the answers you need.
NewDaddy said:
He has never spoken “sentences”, more like like “scripted speech” where he just repeats things we see on education shows etc. never a “hi daddy” or “hi mommy”.
Click to expand...
Have you looked up echolalia yet? My step-granddaughter has it. When she was younger, she'd parrot back to you what you said; now that she's six or so, she can answer a direct question -- but more often than not what she's answering with she's grabbed from somewhere else. From what little I understand about it, it's a form of speech processing delay where other areas of the child's brain are developing and the center for speech is under-developed. In her case, she is not diagnosed with autism (despite her hand flapping and avoidance at looking people in the eyes) and her parents have been told she does not have it but will outgrow this--as it is 'just' a developmental delay-- so is it possible that whatever your son is dealing with it might not be autism? She has been in occupational therapy since age 3 because of her language delays.

Here's how my step-son handles it. He'll say to her, "do you want to go to the park, or go to the moon?" One option is the real choice, the other is the absurd choice. His approach avoids yes/no answers and forces her to, as he says, "use your words."

I'm sorry that I don't know the name of the approach he's been taught to use but maybe this basic overview can give you some help in navigating how to search for help?
 
Only input I can give is...be understanding. When the world tries to force him to comply and be 'normal', he's going to need that love and understanding for support...because as you know, he will never be 'normal'. I look at that as a positive. You made it work...so can he. :)
 
NewDaddy said:
No he should have been speaking at 2 like my little boy is. We only moved 6 months ago. My 2 year old is further with sentence structure (“where’s mommy?”) (“oh I help”) (“look at me!”) stuff my 4 year old never did at his age and stil now, but I know he CAN talk.
Click to expand...
You know that he can talk however, it is possible that he has difficulty in verbalizing his thoughts. Maybe speech therapy would be very helpful for him and he can develop strategies. You could make a chart that helps him to express himself.
NewDaddy said:
Yes he goes to a bilingual school, and is slowly learning of course. But might be confusing at the same time. My little one is having no issues with it.
Click to expand...
If he’s moved from one country to another, with a different language that can be a big factor in his language ability whether you think it is or is not. Younger kids are able to pick up languages a lot more easily, especially if they have no additional speech challenges. The fact that your son is still learning his native language AND is now learning an additional language in a BILINGUAL school means that the two languages may be confusing him. I’ve recently finished working in a bilingual School (middle school and high school teacher) and what I noticed in the Bilingual school, the classes are usually split in half with instructions/lessons delivered in one language and the other half switch to the other language. And I have to admit, that it was at times confusing ME!

Learning additional languages is great But at a younger age it can be a bit of a concern with how they learn it. For example; My cousins have 4 languages between them: German (native), their mom is from Rumänien (so another native language) and they learnt French and Englisch in school (so two additional languages), and only the younger one really picked up the languages with no problems, compared to her older siblings (who are on the spectrum). And when they were small kids, like 6, 4, 2 it was always a problem to work out what it was they were saying since they would split out wording from one language and put it in with another which was very confusing at times. =D Eventually they picked it up but you have to be patient with your son, languages have different rules and it is possible that maybe he is finding it difficult to understand.

But I do recommend that if you have concerns that you go to the school to see if there is anything that can be done to help him. It is possible that in 6 months of moving there that it hasn’t been picked up on the staff radar Since he^s also adjusting to his new environment And hasn’t been problematic.
Outdated said:
I received speech therapy when I was 7. My grade 1 teacher told mum I had severe learning difficulties, Mum knew that was wrong, and at the end of the year I scored 100% on every exam.

My grade 2 teacher told Mum that I was dyslexic and that I would never be able to read, Mum nearly wet herself laughing. By that stage I had already exhausted the children's section of the public library and had started on mainstream novels. Once again I scored 100% in all of the end of year exams.

My grade 3 teacher was smart. She told Mum (yes, I can remember ever nuance of all the conversation) that I had no learning difficulties. She said that I learned too quickly and I was bored. She said I had trouble reading out loud and she thought it was because I was tongue tied, a situation where the skin under the tongue is too short and restricts movement making speech difficult.

That wasn't true either, but that was the first time ever that someone besides my Mum was on my side. I loved Mrs McFetridge. She was very strict and I was terrified of her too, but I loved her. She got Mum to take me to see a friend of hers, an old bishop. He gave me elocution lessons, or in his own words, he taught me how to speak very loudly without yelling, and how to read with perfect diction so that people up the back of the church can hear you clearly and understand every word.

I did it because I wanted to impress Mrs McFetridge. She reinforced those lessons by getting me to read stories to the class and telling me how good I was.

Later in life many people regretted me taking those lessons, and there's quite a few ex-girlfriends that will tell you I'm very good at delivering a sermon. :)
Click to expand...
You know, it’s always Nice to see those who still have a good memory of their teachers.=D.


I used to speak very quietly (and if I am very tired, I still do) and also used to have a stutter. I am someone who communicates more effectively with writing but what helped me was speech therapy and doing drama…and being forced to do presentations. Sometimes it’s good to have to be thrown into the fire and learn to improve these for own goals.
 
I agree with what has been said: support him and allow him to be different, never make him feel that he should be "like the other kids".
My mother still does not believe me when I try to gently suggest that I might be on the spectrum - but even in complete ignorance of this possible diagnosis, I feel that she did everything right: never pressured me to conform; accepted my need for solitude, supported my reading habits, allowed my lonely excursions*... always told me to be special and strong and different.
So, just, be a supportive parent. Tell him he's special and smart and strong. He might benefit from targeted therapy options, but for me, my parents' support was mostly all I needed.

(*Not everyone would allow a 13 year old girl to go cycling 80kilometers on her own or spend whole days** in the forest. This was before the age of cell phones.
** I wisely didn't tell her about the nights.)
 
Sing a song about what we are doing. Pick a tune from a nursery rhyme and make up as you go along. So we are fetching the washing, the washing, now we are going to fold it, fold it. Now we pack away, pack away.

Otherwise print alphabet cards or even cut pics out magazine. Stick it on flash cards. Then just do a few a day. My boy would say b for ball but not ball. But it was a start that he trying to sound words. Later on speech therapist fixed consonant deletion.
Talk to him a lot, be a commentator and explain what mom's doing in the kitchen, I'm cooking, chopping the veg, let's smell the garlic, do you like garlic?

Loads of persistence....try not stress. Just keep up new songs, new ideas
 
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