Need help with 12 year old son

[Adam2002]

Hello everyone, I'm new to the group and looking for some advice and maybe your experience on this. I had a 12 year old son with aspergers and ADHD. He was diagnosed when he was 4/5. He has made great progress thru out the years and we are in a great school district.

Here is the problem we are having. He has almost no self control and is overly interested in sex. From a very young age he would do things like undress himself on the school bus, now that he's older he tries to look up pornography on any electronic device he can and will masturbate in the school bathroom or in his room at home. He will talk about sex and especially at school, he likes to get attention from his friends which is why we think he talks about it at school.

We don't suspect him of being abused by anyone, he has no access to electronics in our home that have internet on them. It's very concerning for us because we do not understand why he will not control himself and why he thinks it's a good idea to talk about it. He knows right from wrong. Which is why we feel he doesn't talk this way around us or at church or in front of teachers, but rather does it around his friends.

We are a religious family, we don't agree that masturbating or porn or premarital relations are ok. We talk openly with our whole family about protecting themselves from predators and how to keep ourselves chaste. So I feel like we are doing our part, but I'm lost.

Any advice or experience would be greatly appreciated, thank you

 

[Sarah S]

Welkome to the forums

To me it rings HUGE red warning lights in youre sons behavior and what you need to do is he needs to go see the shrinks ASAP before this goes in the complete NOT good direction

Now in general with ADHD we more or less have two speeds so to say FULL speed ahead & Nothing = NO middle speed. And to me it seems he have somehow thru his Multiple diagnosis gotten trapped in this Sexual fascination by how you describe this and its my humble NON expert opinion he need to get professional help ASAP

 

[Adam2002]

Is that the same thing as a psychiatrist?

 

[Fino]

Is he medicated?

 

[Sarah S]

Is that the same thing as a psychiatrist?

Correct he needs to see a professional Psychiatrist preferably one that is edjucated in this diagnosis

Let me try to explain my self more clear here

What i mean with said warning lights is for MANY of us with (lets stick to ADHD for now BUT its also valid for Aspergers = ASD ) we have HIGH risks of getting stuck in ANY addiction . Be it drinking , Drugs (i mean ILLEGAL ones ) And yes Sex abuse (in this case over active in the sexual pleasure seeking ),Gaming, ,Gambling Etc.... So its on this points i advocate for he needs to see a professional psychiatrist.

I will ask the same as Fino here is he on any medicine (ie Ritalin or concerta ? )

 

[Adam2002]

Ok, that makes sense. I agree. It used to be Harry Potter, and evil stuff. Now its anything sexual. He is on ritalin, tenex and risperdal

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

Masturbation is healthy and normal, the issue here is that he is doing it in inappropriate places, possibly because he does not feel able to do so in the privacy of his own room? Have your talks discussed boundaries and appropriate social behaviour or just been along the lines of 'touching yourself is naughty and you'll go to hell?' Because expecting him to not masturbate or be interested in sex is completely unrealistic.

 

[Major Tom]

Interest in sex is perfectly natural at that age, you just need to teach him where it's appropriate and where it isn't to talk about it or preform those acts. Just being religious isn't going to curb his desires, which I'll say again are fully natural. He probably needs therapy and such as well.

 

[FreeDiver]

Let me throw my 2 cents worth in on this. When I was a kid in school. I would randomly throw sexually explicit words and phrases out there just for the purpose of getting attention. At the time, I didn't have any idea what sex really was and all I really was doing was just glorifying my potty mouth more then anything. Having Asperger's(which I didn't know at the time.) make it impossible to get any positive attention in school. So the way I saw it. It's was better to get negative attention then to get no attention at all. I would look at and study pornographic material, which by the way, came in magazine and videotape form because we didn't have the internet back then. All it did was gross me out and made me ask why would anyone do this sort of thing. irregardless, It gave me plenty of ammo for my potty mouth at school. It wasn't until I was 21 that I masturbated for the first time and boy I was in for a rude awakening. After that experience. I finally realized just how ignorant I was about anything sexual.

 

[Fino]

It sounds like his medication needs adjusting. If he's on ritalin and has no self-control, then what is the medication accomplishing?

And I agree that it's not likely to be hyper-sexuality, it's more about impulse control and understanding of boundaries. If he thinks he can get away with it, he figures why the heck not! I was the same way. I've masturbated and had sex in so many stalls!

 

[Sarah S]

It sounds like his medication needs adjusting. If he's on ritalin and has no self-control, then what is the medication accomplishing?

And I agree that it's not likely to be hyper-sexuality, it's more about impulse control and understanding of boundaries. If he thinks he can get away with it, he figures why the heck not! I was the same way. I've masturbated and had sex in so many stalls!

" Impulse control or lack thereof is ONE of the trade marks for ADHD Fino (more so in boys then us girl tho) as well as the need or risk of OVER stimulation (such as in this case) & yes it seems some adjustment on the meds are also in need too

Also since this is reg a boy and im not i gently leave this discussion to you men that knows more about er well being boys

Adam good luck with youre boy dear and im shore with some correct support from both the docs as well as a good psychiatrist & gentle support from you parents and family He`l be fine

 

[All-Rounder]

What you said about chastity and masturbation bothers me immensely, you seem to be ignoring health and psychology, and I dislike when religion does this to people, disroots them from reality, but more so to force others to abid by the belief when its against healthy living. Do this to yourselves but please don't do this to children.

Saying he can't do it has adverse effects, ever heard of 'reverse psychology'? It particularly affects children. You need to get more educated in health and psychology of children, parenting. And I suggest separating it from what your church directs to. Most churches overinvolve people in unhealthy behaviors that addict their minds and they stop vaccinating their children or even taking them to the doctor when theyre miserably suffering. You have to get smart while still true to your religion, because you are important too.

But right now you have to place your child first. Its your duty as a parent, Id suggest you talk to a psychologist from someone not involved with churches.

Masturbating is not a bad thing.

Another thing, your child may be rebelling because you're too tight and self absorbed to care about his needs.

Sorry if I sound rude, I just think you could use some awakening to reality.

 

[Fino]

I saw an episode of a television show probably about a decade ago in which I always remembered one scene where (catholic family), the grandfather yells at the son who is in the bathroom, "I know what you're doing in there!! And it's a sin! A dirty sin!" and he keeps it up to the point where the child believes him.

But turns out, he was actually just using the restroom, so he started holding it in until it hurt so much that people found out what was going on.

Poor kid!

Doesn't it hurt intensely to never masturbate, or is there something wrong with me? Because I once stopped for about 6 weeks, and I woke up in the middle of the night with the assumption I was bleeding, but I wasn't, and it happened again a few nights later, then stopped when I started doing it myself again, which was painful the first few times.

I understand an adult's decision to not partake, but it does seem to border on psychological abuse to impose that on a pubescent boy.

@Sarah S I probably should have included in one of my posts that I have ADHD, and I take Adderall, which helps immensely and is why it surprises me that he'd be on three medications, one of them Ritalin and still behave that way. Some do better on Adderall, some do better on Ritalin. Maybe he should try something else. Vyvanse seems to be popular. I don't know.

 

[Sarah S]

@Sarah S I probably should have included in one of my posts that I have ADHD, and I take Adderall, which helps immensely and is why it surprises me that he'd be on three medications, one of them Ritalin and still behave that way. Some do better on Adderall, some do better on Ritalin. Maybe he should try something else. Vyvanse seems to be popular. I don't know.

Fino dear i would NEVER question yours or anyone's knowledge in this or any other diagnose my friend.

Me i have never been on any meds for any of my diagnosis actually and as shush im not suited for further discussion reg other then see the docs so that they can evaluate if he needs altered or changed meds.

& as i also pointed out the different "tics " and the way it shows with this ADHD as well as ASD is actually VERY different between how boys show them and how girls show it so this is the reason i stepped down in this further development and discussion reg this boy.

Further more im not even remotely surprised that you also have a ADHD diagnose Fino as i stated numerous times that its pretty mush the norm these days that ADHD AND ASD (the entire spectrum )is in many cases the norm and pretty mush the majority who has this diagnosis also have utliest one more (ie Multiple diagnosis is the norm in this cind of diagnosis )

 

[Southern Discomfort]

Firstly. No if he's that interested in sex then he won't be getting abused. I'm not to sure where you made that jump.

I agree with NothingToSeeHere. There is a point in getting some help with knowing the correct boundaries about when it's appropriate to talk about sexual matters. Beyond that stopping him from masturbating isn't feasible.

 

[Tom]

Thats a tough one. One common characteristic of people on the spectrum is special interests (not all have them, its just frequent) and it almost sounds like sex is his. But natural drives and hormones can lead one down that direction as well so its hard to say exactly. He doesn't have the maturity or experience to manage it reasonably.

Really sounds like something for professionals to try and help tackle. I'd avoid home remedies or what so and so says.

It seems very hard now but, this is not actually very rare and I have seen surprising turn arounds. But it took a lot of work from teachers, therapists and parents. Don't put off dealing with it. You have to be very logical and consistant. It is a long haul, but very important. Unmanaged, stuff like this can get the kid thrown in jail when they get older. That isn't rare either.

 

[Ken S.]

Risperdal and ritalin are not good bedfellows.
Ritalin and Risperdal drug interactions - from FDA reports - eHealthMe
Why is he on an antipsychotic medication at such a young age?

 

[Fino]

"Risperidone, sold under the brand name Risperdal among others, is an antipsychotic.[2] It is used to treat schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and irritability associated with autism"

I'm not saying that means it's a good idea, but I guess that explains why.

I've tried two anti-psychotics and found both experiences horrifying.

 

[All-Rounder]

Firstly. No if he's that interested in sex then he won't be getting abused. I'm not to sure where you made that jump.

I agree with NothingToSeeHere. There is a point in getting some help with knowing the correct boundaries about when it's appropriate to talk about sexual matters. Beyond that stopping him from masturbating isn't feasible.

Maybe he was thinking this was a result of sexual abuse, that the boy does this. Id add that cult and church people often seem to be into little boys.

But we have to admit, the boy has made progress, no longer doing such in public. How did you find out he masturbates in the school toilets? Are they those open men's bathrooms with common urinals?

 

[Fino]

People into little boys are often cult and church people. I think it's an important distinction.

And now I'm also curious how you know he does some of these things. I wonder if he brags. "'Nother stall, Dad! " and gets the response, "STOP IT, THIS IS BECAUSE YOU READ HARRY POTTER, ISNT IT"