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Featured need help being obsessed with someone ?

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by Matt Summers, Nov 8, 2018.

  1. Matt Summers

    Matt Summers Well-Known Member

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    I need a little help i work in a school setting and do have learning disabilities. okay but i have a problem i have a little obsession for a another student. i only say hi and fist bump i am 23 and don't know how old he is. so i do have visuals clues i did make with boardmaker. only say hi fist bump. what should i do? i know this is pretty strange

    what is the best visual or social story on obsession with a person that is way too younger for someone? i can't find one online.
     
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  2. Ginseng

    Ginseng Christian V.I.P Member

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    Are you saying this guy is way to young for you? Is he a minor? Can you clarify your obsession for him? What do you want to do?
     
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  3. Matt Summers

    Matt Summers Well-Known Member

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    He a student and i am a staff member at the school and i do want to be his friend but i know i cannot be his friend i need a social story explaining this. i did make a new board this morning which says don't obsessed and things i can think about instead.
     
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  4. Southern Discomfort

    Southern Discomfort Rambunctious Rambler V.I.P Member

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    I just want to say that just because you have an obsession over someone doesn't mean it is a sexual obsession. Autistic people can get obsessed over people without it being necessarily sexually orientated. So I'd like to clarify that to you, Matt, and to other people on here. So don't grab any pitchforks or torches.
     
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  5. Mr Allen

    Mr Allen Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    No, no, and did I mention, no?! Do NOT even go there, it's about as appropriate as a Sony Pony at an Xbox exclusive convention.
     
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  6. Ginseng

    Ginseng Christian V.I.P Member

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    I certainly understand obsessions, all types. But to answer this persons question we need more information.
     
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  7. Illumination

    Illumination Active Member

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    If he is a minor than I'd recommend not pursuing the obsession in the slightest, even if it's not sexual-based. - This is because parents, and adults alike can freak out even for an appropriate friendship between a minor and an adult; it may be even worse due to the stereotypes that surround us Autistic's.

    I'm sure the majority of us can relate to the idea of having an obsession for someone we know, or even someone we do not know. - These obsessions are often perfectly fine as long as they do not pass an inappropriate stage, or are inappropriate in general.

    In which case I repeat my advice of not pursuing this obsession, at least past the stage of "keeping it to yourself"; and I apologize that I can't give a social story visual for you, I sadly have no clue where I would look to find graphics for social understanding.
     
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  8. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    In today's world, get your mind on something else. Even if it's not sexual, staff - student anything is a dangerous game. Accusations, loss of job and these things can follow you the rest of your life. My sister is a high school teacher and they are not even allowed to hug students at graduation.
     
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  9. BraidedPony

    BraidedPony Not so well known member of anything V.I.P Member

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    You are at work, so you have items or tools around you? Maybe when you see him, instead of looking at him and thinking about him, straighten your work items. Look at them and arrange them for a while.
    Say hi and fist bump once a day. Then next time you see him look at work related things.
    Do this until you have time to work out your social board work.
    Even if he was your age, if he is a student, then just one hi and fist bump is all you should do. Most of your time should be doing your work and not looking at or thinking about the student.
     
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  10. Matt Summers

    Matt Summers Well-Known Member

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    Okay i only see him once and and my boss is okay with me saying hi and fist bumping. yes i understand and i work. and what does not pursuing the obsession mean?
     
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  11. Onna

    Onna Member

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    Don’t pursue, as in don’t try to be his friend, or any relationship at all other than a professional one.

    It might help whenever you are around him, to remember what your job role is and why your boss hired you.
    Remember that you are older and therefore you are expected to behave like one of the responsible adults.
     
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  12. Kyou Nukui

    Kyou Nukui New member :")

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    Thanks for posting. I didn't know what a social story is. I had never even heard of it. o_O
    I have just googled it. They look useful! :)
    Sorry this means that I don't yet know any social stories that describe how you should deal with a friendship attraction to someone who is deemed to be unsuitable as a possible new friend.

    I think I would try to remember that I don't actually know enough about them to know that they are someone I really want to befriend, and it is probably just a temporary feeling. It is nice that he made an impression on you as someone nice and friendly; however a feeling based on first impression is not always correct or moderate.

    Most people don't want to feel like they stand out too much from their peers. I would try to treat him exactly the same as everyone else in their group and not single them out in any way. This includes not deliberately ignoring him or pretending to tidy my stationary whenever they are around. I would try to remember that he wants to be an equal part of their group and treated the same as everyone else.

    By treating him no different, and by resisting the urge to focus on the one person who made the nice first impression, I am able to give the other people in that group the same chance to show me how nice they are too. :)
     
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  13. Matt Summers

    Matt Summers Well-Known Member

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    Okay i can probably make a social story myself but wouldn't know what to say in it
     
  14. tree

    tree Blue/Green Staff Member V.I.P Member

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    Social Stories are a concept devised by Carol Gray in 1991 to improve the social skills of people withautism spectrum disorders (ASD). Social stories are used to educate and as praise. Social stories model appropriate social interaction by describing a situation with relevant social cues, other's perspectives, and a suggested appropriate response.

    "There are seven sentence types that may be used in a Social Story.

    • Descriptive sentences: are truthful and observable sentences (opinion- and assumption-free) that identify the most relevant factors in a social situation. They often answer "why" questions.
    • Perspective sentences: refer to or describe the internal state of other people (their knowledge/thoughts, feelings, beliefs, opinions, motivation or physical condition) so that the individual can learn how others' perceive various events.
    • Directive sentences: presents or suggests, in positive terms, a response or choice of responses to a situation or concept.
    • Affirmative sentences: enhances the meaning of statements and may express a commonly shared value or opinion. They can also stress the important points, refer to a law or rule to reassure the learner.
    • Control sentences: identifies personal strategies the individual will use to recall and apply information. They are written by the individual after reviewing the Social Story.
    • Cooperative sentences: describe what others will do to assist the individual. This helps to ensure consistent responses by a variety of people.
    • Partial sentences: encourages the individual to make guesses regarding the next step in a situation, the response of another individual, or his/her own response. Any of the above sentences can be written as a partial sentence with a portion of the sentence being a blank space to complete.
    Social Story ratio: Two to five cooperative, descriptive, perspective, and/or affirmative sentences for every directive or control sentence."

    Social Stories - Wikipedia
    https://carolgraysocialstories.com/social-stories/what-is-it/

    Steps in creating a social story include:
    picturing the goal (think of what you want to achieve),
    gathering information,
    tailoring the text (make the words meaningful to the person using the story)
    Social stories and comic strips - National Autistic Society
     
  15. Matt Summers

    Matt Summers Well-Known Member

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    do you know how i should start the story ?
     
  16. tree

    tree Blue/Green Staff Member V.I.P Member

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    You need to think about where and when you encounter the student.
    Probably at school?

    Think of seeing him.
    Maybe in the hall, near a classroom doorway.

    Either going to or leaving class.....
    And you want to talk to him, probably.

    Try making a scene in your head.
     
  17. Matt Summers

    Matt Summers Well-Known Member

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    I do see him at school but am a worker in the cafe so i see him in the cafe when he brings up his tray. i do see my counselling in a month but prefer getting something done sooner hopefully this weekend
     
  18. tree

    tree Blue/Green Staff Member V.I.P Member

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    OK.
    You see him in the cafe.

    Make a scene involving that as a setting.
    You are working and he brings up his tray.
     
  19. Matt Summers

    Matt Summers Well-Known Member

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    if i have a sense what should i use for wording ?
     
  20. tree

    tree Blue/Green Staff Member V.I.P Member

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    Think about what a person would see if it were a video taken on location.

    You are standing at your work station.
    Dishing out food?
    Or whatever it is you do...

    The student approaches the line with his tray.

    See it in your head like a movie.
    Use words that make it real to you.