Need Advice

[ToldImAspergers]

Hello. I am conflicted and need help. I would appreciate any advice or counsel.

Many years ago I was told I am probably autistic (Aspergers), and did some self-inventories, and I matched all of the characteristics (geeky, super smart, emotionally clueless, scoliosis, don't know how to deal with emotions, etc.). Then for other reasons (loong story) I ended up on a medical cannabis program (back when I lived in the US), and found out that CBD oil was good for my condition. It helped me a lot, but now I live outside the US, and cannabis is not legal here, so I don't take it. But I brought seven bottles of hemp CBD oil with me in my bags. Then I found out my new work partner's son has real autism (more than me), so I took a deep breath, and started the cognitive therapy and awareness training for Aspergers, so I could give the CBD oil to my work partner's son (since his son needs it more). And they say it has been helping him a lot. His behavior is much more controlled, and he can say three word sentences now. So it feels like it was the right choice (because I can do the cognitive awareness thing, but the son cannot).

So, my friend is a classically trained Biochemist. The problem is, he feeds his children lots of refined sugar. I tried to tell him the stuff is toxic, and that some people feel sugar can cause inflammation, which may be a co-factor (and make his son's autism worse). I sent him studies, but he only gives me this (idiotic) Western Biochemist response, "Well, all food turns into sugar anyhow, so what is wrong with just feeding them straight sugar?" (And I am like, blink, blink, blink ... did he really just say that???) (So now I get the impression that he may be a little Aspergers also, if you know what I mean...)

I feel like asking him, "Well, if we can eat anything and it doesn't make any difference, then why don't I keep the expensive CBD oil, and you can feed your son sugar and canola oil, since it doesn't make any difference what we eat?" But I don't really want to take the CBD oil from his son. I just want him to quit feeding his son poison on top of the CBD oil. But I also don't want to be a control freak. So I am having an Asperger's moment sorting my emotions out, and coming up with a plan. Does anyone have any suggestions? Thank you so much!

 

[Pats]

My only suggestion is that you should never criticize anyone's parenting skills unless the child is in immediate danger.
Hello and welcome.

 

[Isadoorian]

Welcome to the Forums! I hope you make new friends and enjoy your stay in the process!

(and make his son's autism worse)

Nothing truly makes Autism "better or worse". It may increase or decrease traits of autism some, (such as...say, hand flapping when excited, as some Aspies do hand flap when excited. Sugar which supposedly increases hyper activity in children + aspies that hand flap when excited = increased hand flappiness) sure...but other than that, no, it doesn't "make autism worse".

 

[Aspychata]

You have the best intentions but since you aren't the parent, you have no choice but to step back in this. You could invite the kids to your house, make a healthy meal and maybe explain a few benefits. My daughter went vegan for awhile but she now is back to eating meat. Young adults make their own choices and there isn't much you can do about it.

 

[Rectify]

Welcome @ToldImAspergers

 

[SusanLR]

Welcome!

No one can make someone do something they don't want.
Studies and facts on a subject can be discussed with one who is interested in what you have to say,
but then it is up to them what they make of it.
I would not be giving the CBD oil to another in a place it is not legal for legal reasons.

 

[Juliettaa]

Hello and welcome.

Then for other reasons (loong story) I ended up on a medical cannabis program (back when I lived in the US), and found out that CBD oil was good for my condition. It helped me a lot, but now I live outside the US, and cannabis is not legal here, so I don't take it. But I brought seven bottles of hemp CBD oil with me in my bags. Then I found out my new work partner's son has real autism (more than me), so I took a deep breath, and started the cognitive therapy and awareness training for Aspergers, so I could give the CBD oil to my work partner's son (since his son needs it more).

My first thought was when giving someone something, it's supposed to be given unconditionally.

As others have pointed out, it's not your child, not your parenting decision.

Also, why give a substance to someone who lives in an area where it's not legal? You're not taking it because it's not legal but you've given it to someone else to use on a child even when it's not legal?

 

[Creep]

I find it helpful to write a letter I don’t send when dealing with a strong emotion about a person or situation. Instead of sending the letter, I read it & rip it up. I’m also working on my frustration tolerance.

Nobody likes a proselytizer. Let the results of your healthful eating speak for themselves. Be the change. Good luck.

 

[ToldImAspergers]

Hi all! What a nice bunch of responses! Thank you all!
To clarify, CBD oil from hemp is 100% legal in Chile, because it is 100% non-psychoactive. (I researched this carefully.) Also, my intention is always to give gifts unconditionally, but I am just being honest, I brought eight (expensive!) bottles of the stuff with me, because it seems to help me. I gave him two bottles already, and have six left. Maybe not everyone would feel this way, but it hurts to sacrifice the other six bottles when he is doing things that basically undo the effects of the sacrifice! And it also hurts, for his (innocent) son.

I read they are not sure what causes autism or Asperger's, but that certain things make it (or at least the symptoms) worse. One theory that resonated with me is that autism may be either caused or aggravated by inflammation of the gut microbiome, and disruption of the intestinal flora. (You guys probably already know this?) I know that my gut microbiome and intestinal flora was a mess growing up, and I had candida and all sorts of intestinal problems, because I ate a lot of sugar. When I quit eating sugar, my health improved a lot. I just can't help but feel empathy for his son and daughter. (The daughter seems like Aspergers, and the son seems more like full-fledged autism.)

I liked the idea about writing a letter and then not sending it. I know they are not my children, but I am still kind of fuzzy on where the line is, with regard to my responsibility to speak the truth in love. Thanks for all of your kind-hearted advice!

 

[ToldImAspergers]

I appreciate everyone's help and patience. Maybe I am really conflicted. Or maybe really confused. About three months ago I told him that I would set aside all eight bottles for his son, because his son seems to need them more than me. But I did not realize at the time that he was feeding his son refined sugar, which is at minimum aggravating his son's symptoms (and in any case destroying his family's microbiomes). Have I really obligated myself to give him the remaining six bottles in silence, and watch him destroy his son's (and daughter's) health without saying anything? Or what is my responsibility to his son (and daughter)? And to myself? Should I just take this as an expensive and painful lesson in not promising things in the future? Or do I have a responsibility to him and his children to try to help them understand? Thanks for your help and patience.

 

[Creep]

You have a right to change your mind. I’m assuming you didn’t sign a legally binding contract to hand over your cbd oil to this person?

Another exercise I’ve found helpful when making a difficult decision is to make a list of pros & cons. You know the situation better than internet strangers & you’re the one who will have to deal with the consequences of your decision. Try looking within. Good luck.