Need advice on how to handle new job. Should I tell them that I am autistic?

[Utini]

I would like to tell them but I don't think it would turn out well. Nobody would understand and then I would be treated differently. I do want to be treated differently but not in the way that they probably would.

I come in on time, I do my job, I obey, and I'm afraid to sit down or take breaks. This is what makes it extra hard when I feel that I am being judged early on.

Today was my 2nd day on Night shift, I work in the same hospital that I have worked in for 9 years but this is on a new floor with new people. Biggest worry, I was warned today that I will be working with a nurse tomorrow that will want to work me hard, seeing that I am new and she does that in general. It hurts because I know I will do everything she tells me to do so it will turn out where I will be working extra hard or hopefully I won't be entertaining enough for her so she may back off a little. I already don't take care of myself in fear that I look lazy. I make up for my weirdness with hard physical work. Something similar my first night, a male nurse was always worrying if I was working. Big reason that I moved to night shift is because I wouldn't listen to my body when I worked the AM shift, I abused it. I will do what I can to show that I am doing my job and that I can do everything right.

Another big thing that I am having a hard time with is people staring at me, watching for my reactions. I already don't always make appropriate facial expressions, am usually flat, and it's a hell of a lot harder to make a face when it's expected or studied. People get me the wrong way constantly. My humor came out today though as a girl that I work with loves games and I am addicted to them so I popped right out of my shell. A lot of the staff can be inappropriate or silly and I am all for this(this is in non patient care areas mind you). Even when I feel that I am smiling or perhaps they heard my small snicker, they still judge me, thinking I am offended or not used to such behavior. I don't get bothered by such things so I get all reserved and offended, like I can't win, like nobody will learn to read me. "She probably thinks we are so weird." , I hear this a lot. If the staff only knew.

There are also two girls that I will be working with that I am already uncomfortable with. One of them really loves to give physical contact, too much really, inappropriate at times. She's loud and all over the place and all over you. The other LOVES to talk, she gets upset when you are quiet or don't contribute to the conversation. This is going to be a problem for sure.

I just feel like I am screaming on the inside, I have no friends that I can turn to on this floor or anywhere in general. I only have my husband and I feel I already complain to him enough. He is also a neurotypical so it would be good to hear views/tips from you guys although he really understands me and what I struggle with most of the time. I just want them to know that I am there to work, I suppose they will see this eventually but it's going to take too long. Feel like curling up in a ball and staying there. Thank you for reading

 

[SunnyDay16]

This is a tough situation. One suggestion I have is to just be honest with them. You don't necessarily need to tell them you have Aspergers, but you could say something like, "Socializing doesn't come real naturally to me. It's not that I am judging any of you, I just have a harder time than most with social skills." Another suggestion I have is to maybe get into the mindset that you're at a job and you're playing an NT character, so basically faking it until you make it, but that can be extremely energy consuming.

 

[Gritches]

Let me put it this way: In a world where autism was understood and accepted, disclosure would be a good idea. However, we don't live in such a world. In general, disclosure is a bad idea. The unfortunate fact is that not many people know what to do with that information, and anyone who does already knows you're autistic without you having to tell them (i.e. their experience with autism lets them spot you from a mile away).

I don't have any negative experiences with disclosure because I've never disclosed, but anecdotally I've heard a lot of horror stories about how disclosure leads to mistreatment, discrimination, and even job loss. Like I say, it's just general good policy to assume that anyone who knows what to do with the information that you have autism doesn't need to be told you have autism.

Unless your aim is to scare NTs. Then tell them you have super-autism, see what they do.

 

[Gritches]

This is a tough situation. One suggestion I have is to just be honest with them. You don't necessarily need to tell them you have Aspergers, but you could say something like, "Socializing doesn't come real naturally to me. It's not that I am judging any of you, I just have a harder time than most with social skills." Another suggestion I have is to maybe get into the mindset that you're at a job and you're playing an NT character, so basically faking it until you make it, but that can be extremely energy consuming.

Oh, yes, excellent. You can indeed always just tell them your struggles without mentioning the A-word and you're much more likely to get understanding and acceptance than if you were to just throw a label at them. Excellent post, @SunnyDay16

 

[Judge]

I've had various instances in the workplace over the years where I had to work in proximity with disagreeable people. My primary strategy in dealing with tough social dynamics was always the same. To focus only on the work rather than dwell on social dynamics which were seldom within my control anyways. That first and foremost it was the work that you will be judged on. Not your personality. Best to mask your traits and behaviors at times when you absolutely feel you have to when interacting with coworkers.

As far as telling people you are on the spectrum, stick to a central theme you'll see a lot here. "Need-to-know basis only". It may save your job/career. Especially in a medical environment. Otherwise you instantly subject yourself to three possibilities.

1. Those who want to understand and will succeed.
2. Those who want to understand and will fail. (Autism is no simple thing to grasp!)
3. Those who are indifferent to your autism and default to expecting or demanding that you adapt to their ways without exception.

 

[clg114]

No!

 

[Tom]

I am very hesitant to advise anyone to make it public. I hear of times it works out and times it doesn't. I suspect however it would be better to be judged on what you do then on a stereotype.