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Nearly 50, Just been diagnosed with Asperger's. Seeking answers and no services available

bigthinker

New Member
Hello world.

Never done anything like this before. Never joined a forum or discussed my thing in an open forum with people I don't know before. Don't know why I'm doing it now other than once again I am sitting here feeling like I've messed up my life again so I'm looking for answers again and this time I found this site.

I'm one of those aspies that to the outside world looks like I am a good guy and looks like I'm confident and have it all together. The truth is I'm lucky I still have a wife (the most understanding, most forgiving person on the planet) I have screwed up or been fired from just about every job I have ever had. Been bankrupted more than once, learned to be a really really good arguer (would make an excellent lawyer if only I had gone to university and studied law (Never did go to college or uni) ) burned just about every bridge I have ever crossed and recently found out because I decided there must be a reason why I keep doing all these things, to demand my doctor refer me to a mental health professional at which point after a bunch of evaluations found out I have Aspergers. I think probably ADD as well. This was good as it finally gave me something I could make sense of but now I'm even more frustrated.

Now I have this thing which I feel I should share but now I feel I know how it feels to be discriminated against. If I tell people, like at work, I feel I am treated differently and I don't like it. Been fired twice in 12 months despite me really trying to be open. I'm just not getting this right. I'm trying and joining this forum is my way of doing this. No expecting anything. Just saying why I'm here. Hello everyone.
 
welcome.png
 
Hello there and it is interesting, because I did pretty much the same thing. Well, I have joined many forums, to try and make sense of myself, but they are so dead ie not at all active, that it got boring and barely anyone responded, which was not exactly encouraging, but I saw this and thought: ah well, maybe and whoa it is fantastic!

I have a long suffering husband and he is also a very forgiving man. But to be fair, a marriage does take two and so, it cannot all be blamed on just one part of the marriage bonde and thus, both of you have are making it work.
 
Hi.

I'm 48ish.

Found out last year-ish.

I'm also ADHD combined.

It was a revelation to me and one of the best things that's happened, although it does take to lifetime"
used to it all.

I was trying to figure it all out for decades without success. I've spent thousands of hours trying to find people with experiences that matched mine without success.

Then I found autism, and a part of the human population that make sense.

The best part of being autistic is other autistic people.

"We're a laugh without a tear
Hope without the fear
We are coming home

We're off to the witch
We may never never never come home
But the magic that we'll feel is worth a lifetime"

Dunno if that's relevant but, some made me post it.
 
Hello world.

Never done anything like this before. Never joined a forum or discussed my thing in an open forum with people I don't know before. Don't know why I'm doing it now other than once again I am sitting here feeling like I've messed up my life again so I'm looking for answers again and this time I found this site.

I'm one of those aspies that to the outside world looks like I am a good guy and looks like I'm confident and have it all together. The truth is I'm lucky I still have a wife (the most understanding, most forgiving person on the planet) I have screwed up or been fired from just about every job I have ever had. Been bankrupted more than once, learned to be a really really good arguer (would make an excellent lawyer if only I had gone to university and studied law (Never did go to college or uni) ) burned just about every bridge I have ever crossed and recently found out because I decided there must be a reason why I keep doing all these things, to demand my doctor refer me to a mental health professional at which point after a bunch of evaluations found out I have Aspergers. I think probably ADD as well. This was good as it finally gave me something I could make sense of but now I'm even more frustrated.

Now I have this thing which I feel I should share but now I feel I know how it feels to be discriminated against. If I tell people, like at work, I feel I am treated differently and I don't like it. Been fired twice in 12 months despite me really trying to be open. I'm just not getting this right. I'm trying and joining this forum is my way of doing this. No expecting anything. Just saying why I'm here. Hello everyone.

Hello and welcome...

It seems there is a pattern to what you posted. I have noticed lots of people about middle age seem to figure out something is horribly wrong and find out they have ASD. That might even be a fun poll to see when people found out, and the median age of people on this forum? Maybe we can do that sometime...

It seems so many of us fell through the cracks when we were little. Now that ASD is a super mainstream topic, we have the technology to share information so easy, and learn so much more about it... It seems there may be a lot of people (just like us) who are finding answers to the questions we had all our lives, that no one ever understood.

If this present time frame was moved back 30+ years to when I was a little kid... I would be in diagnostics and all sorts of stuff, but all I was seen as was this unthinkably stubborn, crazy kid who wouldn't talk that flapped his hands around and tried to pull his ears off because it hurt to hear certain noises. That kid grew up to be a very normal looking guy who later started cratering because of all this stuff buried inside me...

Welcome to ASD LIFE... Its a crash course everyday, but around here we pick each other up and keep on going it seems.
 
IMG_0410.JPG
welcome
Hello world.

Never done anything like this before. Never joined a forum or discussed my thing in an open forum with people I don't know before. Don't know why I'm doing it now other than once again I am sitting here feeling like I've messed up my life again so I'm looking for answers again and this time I found this site. I'm one of those aspies that to the outside world looks like I am a good guy and looks like I'm confident and have it all together. The truth is I'm lucky I still have a wife (the most understanding, most forgiving person on the planet) I have screwed up or been fired from just about every job I have ever had. Been bankrupted more than once, learned to be a really really good arguer (would make an excellent lawyer if only I had gone to university and studied law (Never did go to college or uni) ) burned just about every bridge I have ever crossed and recently found out because I decided there must be a reason why I keep doing all these things, to demand my doctor refer me to a mental health professional at which point after a bunch of evaluations found out I have Aspergers. I think probably ADD as well. This was good as it finally gave me something I could make sense of but now I'm even more frustrated. Now I have this thing which I feel I should share but now I feel I know how it feels to be discriminated against. If I tell people, like at work, I feel I am treated differently and I don't like it. Been fired twice in 12 months despite me really trying to be open. I'm just not getting this right. I'm trying and joining this forum is my way of doing this. No expecting anything. Just saying why I'm here. Hello everyone.
 
Hello world.

Never done anything like this before. Never joined a forum or discussed my thing in an open forum with people I don't know before. Don't know why I'm doing it now other than once again I am sitting here feeling like I've messed up my life again so I'm looking for answers again and this time I found this site.

I'm one of those aspies that to the outside world looks like I am a good guy and looks like I'm confident and have it all together. The truth is I'm lucky I still have a wife (the most understanding, most forgiving person on the planet) I have screwed up or been fired from just about every job I have ever had. Been bankrupted more than once, learned to be a really really good arguer (would make an excellent lawyer if only I had gone to university and studied law (Never did go to college or uni) ) burned just about every bridge I have ever crossed and recently found out because I decided there must be a reason why I keep doing all these things, to demand my doctor refer me to a mental health professional at which point after a bunch of evaluations found out I have Aspergers. I think probably ADD as well. This was good as it finally gave me something I could make sense of but now I'm even more frustrated.

Now I have this thing which I feel I should share but now I feel I know how it feels to be discriminated against. If I tell people, like at work, I feel I am treated differently and I don't like it. Been fired twice in 12 months despite me really trying to be open. I'm just not getting this right. I'm trying and joining this forum is my way of doing this. No expecting anything. Just saying why I'm here. Hello everyone.


Welcome to Aspies Central, this is a great place to be. See my post for the Free Webinar on Employment under Education and Employment to learn some strategies to getting AND KEEPING a job. It might be very helpful for you and the presenter is an Aspie who is knowledgeable and articulate.
 
Hello world.

Never done anything like this before. Never joined a forum or discussed my thing in an open forum with people I don't know before. Don't know why I'm doing it now other than once again I am sitting here feeling like I've messed up my life again so I'm looking for answers again and this time I found this site.

I'm one of those aspies that to the outside world looks like I am a good guy and looks like I'm confident and have it all together. The truth is I'm lucky I still have a wife (the most understanding, most forgiving person on the planet) I have screwed up or been fired from just about every job I have ever had. Been bankrupted more than once, learned to be a really really good arguer (would make an excellent lawyer if only I had gone to university and studied law (Never did go to college or uni) ) burned just about every bridge I have ever crossed and recently found out because I decided there must be a reason why I keep doing all these things, to demand my doctor refer me to a mental health professional at which point after a bunch of evaluations found out I have Aspergers. I think probably ADD as well. This was good as it finally gave me something I could make sense of but now I'm even more frustrated.

Now I have this thing which I feel I should share but now I feel I know how it feels to be discriminated against. If I tell people, like at work, I feel I am treated differently and I don't like it. Been fired twice in 12 months despite me really trying to be open. I'm just not getting this right. I'm trying and joining this forum is my way of doing this. No expecting anything. Just saying why I'm here. Hello everyone.
I was self diagnosed in my 40s and officially diagnosed at age 59. Welcome to the club!
 
Welcome. I'm in the same boat as you, also almost 50, and barely three months ahead of you in my discovery. It's a lot to process and absorb, and you're going to go through a lot of different attitudes and emotions.

I found this site to be a great place for sharing, comparing notes, commiserating, working through things, and even just "thinking out loud." I'd recommend that you use this site* as an outlet until you feel comfortable enough to talk about autism as just another facet of your life.

*Or other sites. I'm sure there are others just as good, but I stopped looking when I found this one.
 
welcome,

i was diagnosed in my early 40's, am also blessed with a resilient, understanding and patient wife, have hit some of the same walls at work despite generally being overqualified

i'm afraid that when now looking for work, i try to focus on the business culture rather than 'am i living up to my skill potential' and salary expectations, i've learned that it is not sustainable for me to try to fit in at work, people are not going to adapt to me so i will have to find a situation where my adaptation will be minimal and my stress levels remain low so that i can enjoy my life outside of work as much as i can

there are a lot of nice and helpful people here by the way
 
I was diagnosed in my fifties a year and a half ago; First self, then official. I have an adorable husband who declared "This doesn't change anything, you were weird when we got married." :)

I've always worked and left on my own terms; but then the collision of a hellish menopause and a job which required a lot of social interaction body-slammed me into terrible fatigue, insomnia, and stress-induced illnesses. Slowly dragging myself out of that pit, but now retirement of some kind is looming; I just can't keep going with a full time job for I don't know how much longer.

Husband is already retired on disability from a chronic illness, so he can't pick up any slack, either.

Most of what helped me I figured out myself, and I got a lot right here.
 
My experiences are very different from most people on the spectrum, but I've read enough about the problems with telling people you're autistic (or an aspie) that if I was out in the world today, I'd keep my mouth shut about it. Unless there's something very specific that someone needs to know about you, my attitude is that it's just nobody's business. What identifying as an aspie did for me was point out lifelong problems that I might be able to do something about. It also let me stop blaming myself for traits that are wired in. You probably won't be able to eliminate them, and some you might not be able to modify at all, but at least it's possible to find ways around most of them.
 
Hello :)

You may not find all of your answers and ways forward overnight.

This is a great place to mark time, learn about your condition and come up with a cunning plan or two.
Which may invariably fail but nobody minds.
There's no pressure to be anything but yourself here :)

Welcome :)
 

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