My self-esteem has been ruined because of a stupidity and I can't get over it.

[Xarnett7]

Hello everyone. This is my first post in these forums.

For a while now, I've tried to forget and ignore two people that have ruined my self-esteem because of a really stupid reason, but I can't just simply get it off my mind.

A little summary about myself: I am 13 years old. I live in the country with the highest hyperinflation ever, where toilet paper is really hard to find and chicken costs 14 million bolivars - yes, the country I'm talking about is Venezuela. I really don't want to get too deep into this in particular because I have read the rules and it states that talking about politics is not a good idea.
I learned English on my own and I can speak it fluently. I rarely make any mistakes but my pronunciation is still a bit inaccurate. I also am a fan of technology, even though I live in Venezuela, I own a really decent computer, phone and tablet. I am a "mini tech support guy" too, my neighborhood often asks me too fix their gadgets and they pay me after I'm done. The computer I have was built by myself with no help and it worked in the first attempt. My family thinks I'm well endowed but I personally think I'm just a normal kid with above-average tech skills. That's all.

Even though I am pretty good in technology, I am terrible at trying to make friends and socialize. In school, literally all people have different preferences than mine and I think that a folk with similar tastes is a must-have. I have tried to get around social groups but I end up staying silent. I have been kicked out of 2 schools because my parents think that I was not having a good time. I was victim of bullying when I was younger but I got over that easily. The very few friends I've had are "gone" now because I moved schools and I didn't have a phone or contact information at the time. Nowadays I try to make English-speaking friends online but my attempts always fail.

In late 2016, I joined a "techy" Discord server. Not naming names. It is a pretty big server with over 10000 members. I was actually a very well-known member.

At first, everything seemed to go okay. I used to complain a bit because I had a really CRAPPY computer back then, nobody really bothered and I was happy in general. People treated me fine and I didn't have any problems with anyone. I was just a normal guy that talked about whatever I was thinking about.

In early 2017 I finally got a new computer, it is not super fancy or anything, just a pretty good $500 budget computer. I use it for light gaming and web browsing. I was REALLY excited about this and my self-esteem went very, very, high. I told everyone in the server that I finally got a good computer but two people in particular started a shitshow with me. Reason: in their opinion, my new computer was garbage.

Context: Unlike me, those 2 live in Canada and USA respectively. They have VERY OVERPOWERED computers with SIX.TY.FOUR. GI.GA.BYTES. of RAM and top-of-the-line GTX *080Ti graphics cards. They showed off their hardware to everyone like they are the kings of the universe and treated me like dog crap: just because my computer was inferior than theirs.

I really didn't care about what they said first, but they started to push, and push, and push those arguments even more to a point where my self-esteem was going down.

Why did your self-esteem got down because people told you that your PC is trash?- some may ask: well I really don't know- my "theory" is that, because I waited since 2010 to get that PC and the critical situation of this country didn't let me get better hardware, I was being mentally impacted by negative opinions about my hard-earned PC, plus I really like technology.

I have talked to a few staff members and some other folks because I wanted some support, but these people leaked my private messages to the public without asking me firsr and the 2 dudes laughed at me, of course. The people that I trusted and tried to "give me support" lied to me and joined the "letsgoaheadandruinsomeonesemotionsbecausewehaveabettercomputerthanhimalsoiwanttolookedgyhaha" group for no logical explanation. That let me down so much that I started saying "I am ugly", "I am useless", "Nobody loves me", "I shouldn't exist" in both the Internet and real life, for more than 4 months.

They (successfully) ruined my self-esteem. ALL OF THIS, BECAUSE THE THINGS I OWN AREN'T TOO "FANCY" AND/OR "DELUXE" FOR THEM.

Even though my "I am ugly" situation hasn't gotten any worse, I still can't ignore these people and forget everything that has happened. I have cried because of this and it is just so RIDICULOUS.

PS: Yes, they call me an "attention whore" too, because, why not?

I have tried to tell them that I'm autistic and I have social issues, but they just continue with the "your PC is crap" and "stop looking for attention" arguments.

I even deleted my main discord account because of all of this.



I need advice and I also need to WIPE this S T U P I D I T Y off my mind, please, I can't deal with this anymore.

 

[Streetwise]

Hello everyone. This is my first post in these forums.

For a while now, I've tried to forget and ignore two people that have ruined my self-esteem because of a really stupid reason, but I can't just simply get it off my mind.

A little summary about myself: I am 13 years old. I live in the country with the highest hyperinflation ever, where toilet paper is really hard to find and chicken costs 14 million bolivars - yes, the country I'm talking about is Venezuela. I really don't want to get too deep into this in particular because I have read the rules and it states that talking about politics is not a good idea.
I learned English on my own and I can speak it fluently. I rarely make any mistakes but my pronunciation is still a bit inaccurate. I also am a fan of technology, even though I live in Venezuela, I own a really decent computer, phone and tablet. I am a "mini tech support guy" too, my neighborhood often asks me too fix their gadgets and they pay me after I'm done. The computer I have was built by myself with no help and it worked in the first attempt. My family thinks I'm well endowed but I personally think I'm just a normal kid with above-average tech skills. That's all.

Even though I am pretty good in technology, I am terrible at trying to make friends and socialize. In school, literally all people have different preferences than mine and I think that a folk with similar tastes is a must-have. I have tried to get around social groups but I end up staying silent. I have been kicked out of 2 schools because my parents think that I was not having a good time. I was victim of bullying when I was younger but I got over that easily. The very few friends I've had are "gone" now because I moved schools and I didn't have a phone or contact information at the time. Nowadays I try to make English-speaking friends online but my attempts always fail.

In late 2016, I joined a "techy" Discord server. Not naming names. It is a pretty big server with over 10000 members. I was actually a very well-known member.

At first, everything seemed to go okay. I used to complain a bit because I had a really CRAPPY computer back then, nobody really bothered and I was happy in general. People treated me fine and I didn't have any problems with anyone. I was just a normal guy that talked about whatever I was thinking about.

In early 2017 I finally got a new computer, it is not super fancy or anything, just a pretty good $500 budget computer. I use it for light gaming and web browsing. I was REALLY excited about this and my self-esteem went very, very, high. I told everyone in the server that I finally got a good computer but two people in particular started a shitshow with me. Reason: in their opinion, my new computer was garbage.

Context: Unlike me, those 2 live in Canada and USA respectively. They have VERY OVERPOWERED computers with SIX.TY.FOUR. GI.GA.BYTES. of RAM and top-of-the-line GTX *080Ti graphics cards. They showed off their hardware to everyone like they are the kings of the universe and treated me like dog crap: just because my computer was inferior than theirs.

I really didn't care about what they said first, but they started to push, and push, and push those arguments even more to a point where my self-esteem was going down.

Why did your self-esteem got down because people told you that your PC is trash?- some may ask: well I really don't know- my "theory" is that, because I waited since 2010 to get that PC and the critical situation of this country didn't let me get better hardware, I was being mentally impacted by negative opinions about my hard-earned PC, plus I really like technology.

I have talked to a few staff members and some other folks because I wanted some support, but these people leaked my private messages to the public without asking me firsr and the 2 dudes laughed at me, of course. The people that I trusted and tried to "give me support" lied to me and joined the "letsgoaheadandruinsomeonesemotionsbecausewehaveabettercomputerthanhimalsoiwanttolookedgyhaha" group for no logical explanation. That let me down so much that I started saying "I am ugly", "I am useless", "Nobody loves me", "I shouldn't exist" in both the Internet and real life, for more than 4 months.

They (successfully) ruined my self-esteem. ALL OF THIS, BECAUSE THE THINGS I OWN AREN'T TOO "FANCY" AND/OR "DELUXE" FOR THEM.

Even though my "I am ugly" situation hasn't gotten any worse, I still can't ignore these people and forget everything that has happened. I have cried because of this and it is just so RIDICULOUS.

PS: Yes, they call me an "attention whore" too, because, why not?

I have tried to tell them that I'm autistic and I have social issues, but they just continue with the "your PC is ****" and "stop looking for attention" arguments.

I even deleted my main discord account because of all of this.



I need advice and I also need to WIPE this S T U P I D I T Y off my mind, please, I can't deal with this anymore.

Keep talking to autistic people on this forum be very careful about joining social media don't give out a lot of personal information the people who insulted you are psychologically immature about the age of a two-year-old child I was bullied at school .
You are 13 so your hormones are not going to settle down for a few years ,you have support from your parents !! ,tell them what you are thinking ,if you get to the point you feel suicidal there are suicide hotlines in the resources section on this forum , use them ,don't just sit and not talk!!!!!.
If !!!!!you have faith in a God pray, it's good to know there is somebody there 24 hours a day seven days a week.
I have faith in Yeshua (Jesus) so I talk to God like I talk to anybody but that's just me .
I still find saying welcome very very strange I'm English and we don't say it a lot .

 

[Xarnett7]

Thanks for your reply. I don't give out personal information because I have common sense, I was just telling my PC hardware and my very first name (noone's going to hack me because of that). I don't pray to anyone because I'm atheist. I don't think my parents will understand because this whole this doesn't make any sense, plus I'm skeptical.

 

[Xarnett7]

This reply was the best. I'll try my best to ignore them and socialize with people with the same conditions as mine. As I said, they don't want to a acknowledge that my country is in a very, critical, and, dangerous, social, and economic, situation.

Most people in this country can't even afford a feature (dumb) phone.

Me, well, I have the luck of possessing a $500 dollar computer.

Should I post examples of their messages?

Also, Google images "venezuela protests" and judge by yourself

 

[MrSpock]

You're being a bit harsh on yourself. I'm 50, and if I were so upset over this, okay, call me silly. At 13 you have a lot of life to deal with, a lot of growing up to do, and this is part of it. And that's okay.

If I were to connect my self-worth with the things I own as you seem to do, it would be fair to call me silly.

There are many ways to look at your computer, what it is in terms of performance is one way. That has nothing to do with who you are. The fact that you built it and it works is another way to look at it, and if you want to take pride in that, that's okay. Whatever other people do, you still built it and it still works. Another way to look at it is what you get from it, how you are able to use it - that hasn't changed either.

I'm from canada, and if some idiot canadians insulted you, please know that most of us are not like that. I apologise for the stupid people from my country who did that to you.

I'm Canadian too, and agree completely. Thanks Mia.

 

[Xarnett7]

I agree. I really don't know why a bad statement about my computer would hurt me so badly. I forgot to mention that I have a condition of some sorts where I take jokes seriously and don't understand the "science" behind them. Pretty sure this has a name but I just don't know. I also think I have the urge to show y'all the juicy and tasty arguments. I'll do that later (contains swearwords)

 

[Pats]

Xarnett7. I think it's amazing that you were able to build your own computer. Take pride in that. I think those who can build their own anything should feel more pride in those things than someone who can easily go out and buy one. Do you think it's good when someone builds a hot rod or a race bike? Definitely! My brother has a big, beautiful house filled with expensive things he has bought. My sister has a big house with expensive things inside. I've had nice homes and I've lived in a camper. I've lost everything I owned down to the clothes on my back three times in my life and learned that things are not what's important. I left a nice house and moved into my son's basement garage and turned it into an apartment that I love and suits me perfectly. I'm proud of the work I have put into it and would much rather have this than my brother's or my sister's homes. May be expensive, but both are cold and lonely. My home may be small but is warm and welcoming. Oh - my brother makes his company sleep in a room in the garage. Any guest here will have the best of what I've got. Keep the right attitude about what's really important no matter what others do and say - they don't know how to really be happy and don't want anyone else happy either.

 

[BraidedPony]

It might be better for your own happiness to not post what those mean people said to you. That would keep the issue alive. Wouldn’t if feel better to think of something else, something pleasant?
I think that is really cool that you built a computer!

 

[Xarnett7]

It might be better for your own happiness to not post what those mean people said to you.

Can't really get it off my mind. They have been doing this for almost 2 years now. Can't unsee what has been seen. Sorry.

I think it might be a bad idea to do this...

talk.

EDIT: he has friend requests disabled so that's good

 

[Streetwise]

Can't really get it off my mind. They have been doing this for almost 2 years now. Can't unsee what has been seen. Sorry.

I think it might be a bad idea to do this...

talk.

EDIT: he has friend requests disabled so that's good

I was the same! with Facebook posts but I've stopped reading them ,if I know they are going to be upsetting .I have to fight !myself to not read them but I need to communicate !let's say I'm a lot older than 13 but it hasn't got any easier

 

[OlLiE]

problem 1:in the scope of life, 'your cpu power' is a pretty poor metric for determining self esteem, have a think about what kind of person you want to be, set yourself some goals, find some people that share your values and ideals, benchmark your self esteem on how much you have achieved, don't make your self esteem dependant on the opinion of others that don't have the same life view you do

problem 2: the solution is easy: why care what stupid people say, i know i don't

 

[Xarnett7]

I really can't think of anything positive, I am very pessimistic, even before (and after) all of this happened. Yes I built a computer, yes I have fixed like a million, yes I learned English in less than a year with no help. But that's it. I just can't think of anything else.

Well I was right about not being able to forget everything and start fresh, I guess.

 

[Progster]

I have a computer, too. It's not a gaming computer - I use it for work - nor is it exactly the most expensive computer in the world, but it's MINE. I worked, saved up money so I could buy it, and I'm very pleased with it's performance, it does it's job just fine, and quite frankly that's all that matters, that's all that should matter. I don't give a crap what other people might think of it, or anything else I own, or that someone else might have more money than me and be able to afford a more expensive computer. These people who insult are just immature snobs, bullies, who don't appreciate the true value of things, they have a lot of growing up to do. You are better off without them, and I would avoid the places on the internet where that kind of person hangs out.

 

[Graphin]

If those admins were supporting things that go against the community guidelines, you might try to go to discord support.
Even though you can't get this out of your mind, you already have done the biggest step, which is recognizing the problem the right way.

 

[Dangun]

Aside from living in Venezuela and being in those circumstances, I've actually been through everything else you've written, aside from building a computer, and in different subjects.

It really is hard to ignore people, but practice makes perfect. Even then, I struggle since I dwell on some of these things too, not as much as I did when I was younger.

If you want, I am a member of a discord server with aspies, all of which are teens and very young adults. It would be awesome to have someone there to talk about computers. I would be genuinely happy if you joined us.

They've been so kind and helpful in giving advice and relating in pretty much everything. I've made some friends because of this particular discord server.

 

[WildCat]

Find another place that isn't populated by repulsive brats. That's easier said than done on the internet, but it's not impossible.

You've already stated that you can't get over it and that it's upset you? You need to distance yourself from that place and move on to another for your sake then. Surround yourself with people that don't ooze toxicity...maybe try a group with other people on the spectrum? You'll be all the much better for it once you find the right place, but please don't keep stewing over this.

Another note, probably insignificant, but not all Americans act in the same manner either. If you've dealt with a rotten apple or two from the US, just know they speak for themselves and do not represent their country as a whole.

 

[Autistamatic]

Hi @Xarnett7 and welcome onboard

You have achieved a lot for such a young age and you deserve to be proud of yourself. Some people, no matter their age, will always find ways to make themselves feel superior to others to cover their own inadequacies. They may hate their lives but know they can make someone else feel bad, maybe worse than themselves, because there is something they can claim to be better about themselves - even if it's just down to property. That's an unfortunate reality of the NT world - plenty of them can only feel better about themselves by making someone else feel worse.
The difficult situation in Venezuela is reported elsewhere, though you have to look beyond the mainstream news/media to get a balanced view. It can't be easy for anyone to grow up in such circumstances.
I hope that you make friends here and find that talking to people with similar minds to yours helps you make sense of a world that confuses the best of us.

 

[AloneNotLonely]

Dude, this is how guys act. Especially when young. They're doing it precisely because it affects you. I remember kids doing this all the time to me as well in school, and their stuff wasn't even better. They're always comparing everything to each other. Whether it's grades, chess skill, football skill, how high you can jump, CoD skills, etc etc etc it just never ends. They started this because you proudly announced your computer, while they have a better one. They don't comprehend just how big of a deal this is in Venezuela, because they probably have no clue about the world outside of whatever town or city they live in. Just stop mentioning your achievements to them, as they have no clue about any of it.

Any smart adult would never care about what someone else has. It's unimportant. You can have the latest computer, a fancy sports car, a sailboat and a McMansion but if your net worth is negative due to all those liabilities you lose either way. Those kids probably have computers bought by their parents, they understand nothing about the world or their parents' financial place in this world. It's why they're kids.

Your self esteem should be based around what you have achieved for yourself, not where exactly your place is in the rat race at the moment. You were born in Venezuela, you started life on one of the hardest difficulties possible. You can't compare this at all to the easy mode that kids in wealthy nations have. The funny part is can easily end up far better off at age 30 if you plan right.

Most of your troubles don't come from Autism, a few do I suppose but most of your troubles seem related to the fact that you are at least 3 standard deviations above intelligence compared to the average person in your country. You might think it's normal, but it's not normal for someone from a native Spanish language country to have English writing skills at your level while also being skilled enough to put together a computer at age 13.

Your IQ standardized to Venezuelan scores is probably 145+, while standardized to western scores is probably 135+. At this intelligence the average person is probably on the level of a Chimpanzee compared to you. Stop worrying about your computer and start worrying on how to get out of Venezuela to start studying for a degree related to computers (since you are already so far ahead). I don't think Venezuelan degrees are considered to have much value, but I think it's free there. A free degree in another country would be preferred, but in many countries skills such as Programming, SQL, etc are so desired that they'll accept you with even just a cheap certification. A Venezuelan degree related to computer programming is better than going into debt 50k for a USA degree or something.

Focus on improving as "mini tech support" guy and getting more "jobs". You can seriously build a business out of this with enough determination and even if you can't you will learn valuable customer relations skills that will benefit you for pretty much everything you do in the future. Save your money, buy gold with it, silver, foreign currency. Whatever is legal in Venezuela (Although I doubt any of it is). Otherwise buy essential things that you will need for a very long time. Or spend it on learning skills or on discovering a good way out of Venezuela. You might just suddenly need a plane ticket for a foreign exchange study program.

 

[Bolletje]

Welcome! Now that we’ve got that out of the way, please stop paying attention to these negative influences on you. Stop visiting the discord server, stop messaging these people, just stop paying any attention to them whatsoever. You don’t need their validation and you’re not going to get it. Toxic people like this get off on marginalizing others and they will not stop as long as you keep responding. So move on.
You’ve done amazing things with the cards you have been dealt in life, so be proud of that.

 

[Mattymatt]

Yikes ... the internet is so full of trolls. There is always someone to take the wind out of your sails. You have to remember that people that give you a hard time are miserable themselves. Once you realize that they are miserable people, you may find yourself asking, "Why do I bother with them to begin with?" You are a a very bright young man. Clearly you've mastered English on your own which is no small feat. Have you thought about trying to learn other languages? You could potentially gain lucrative future employment with that gift.