My Parents don't trust me to be alone.

[Pieplup]

My parents don't trust me to be on my own at all. They don't trust me to go on walks through the neighborhood or even to be in my backyard. Any advice on how to communicate to them that, I am responsible enough to be on my own outside my house. It's frustrating. It's not like I get lost or forget where I am. I'm almost an adult. I can go outside by myself. It's only gotten worse. Just because, I might struggle with some motor skills. Doesn't mean i'm completely incapable of being alone for 20 minutes. They didn't use to treat me this way. Anyone have any advice on how i can remedy this situation. I've tried communicating to them that i'm able to be alone.

 

[Major Tom]

My guess is maybe that from past experiences it scares them. My son likes to dart off or sneak off if he can and has no concept of danger. Were you like that when you were little? If so, I'm betting past experiences make them a little leery of leaving you on your own.

I don't know what to offer as advice, but maybe in other ways show them that you are capable and are becoming more independent as much as possible. Maybe then they will see your progress better.

Anyways, good luck!

 

[Pieplup]

My guess is maybe that from past experiences it scares them. My son likes to dart off or sneak off if he can and has no concept of danger. Were you like that when you were little? If so, I'm betting past experiences make them a little leery of leaving you on your own.

I don't know what to offer as advice, but maybe in other ways show them that you are capable and are becoming more independent as much as possible. Maybe then they will see your progress better.

Anyways, good luck!

Not that I know of. I'm not like that. I occasionally sneak off but that's really only because i'm tired of the not letting me do anything. I walk around in stores alone with no problems. The only thing that they could possible be afraid because of is when i broke my hip in 2018. And that happened in the house. I struggle alot with motor skills. But other than that, I've demonstrated many times that i can be trusted to go places by myself for under an hour. Like going to a different area of a park or a store. It's not like i'm in their supervision at all times.

 

[Major Tom]

Not that I know of. I'm not like that. I occasionally sneak off but that's really only because i'm tired of the not letting me do anything. I walk around in stores alone with no problems. The only thing that they could possible be afraid because of is when i broke my hip in 2018. And that happened in the house. I struggle alot with motor skills. But other than that, I've demonstrated many times that i can be trusted to go places by myself for under an hour. Like going to a different area of a park or a store. It's not like i'm in their supervision at all times.

Hmm I'm not sure then why they would be acting like that.

 

[Pieplup]

Hmm I'm not sure then why they would be acting like that.

Well my step-mom is BP and she tends to worry alot. So that might be part of it. But my dad also does it too so.

 

[Hylian]

My parents do the same thing where they don't want me to go outside really much at all, including not wanting to let me in the backyard. They never did that kind of stuff to any of my siblings, so I'm not entirely sure why they feel the need to do that to me, but I also have motor skill issues and am the shortest person in my family, which they site as reasons why I can't/shouldn't do certain things.

The only way I've been able to get my parents to relax and let me do things outside is to keep pushing until they let me do something with them, with someone else, or with a lot of restrictions. After doing something like that for a few times they'll usually realize I can handle it, and either let me do it more often or let me do it by myself. I also put an effort into helping my parents do things that involve going outside like yard work, running errands with them, etc, and then show them that I'm willing to learn/teach myself to do these things and can handle doing them, so it kind of desensitizes them to the idea of me doing those things by myself.

An example: I kept offering to help my dad with yard work until he let me, and did that with him until it got to a point where they would let me do yard work in the backyard by myself. My dad then let me help him in the front yard more and after awhile of that I now can go anywhere around our house by myself since they're desensitized to me doing that on my own.

 

[MyLifeAsAnAspie]

Although it's difficult for us to know how valid your parents concerns are, I recently began to wonder if "helicopter parenting" is a particular problem for some ASD kids. My aspie daughter was telling me about an aspie friend who's parents put a tracking app on her phone. At least once they tracked her down while riding her bike and they (daughter and friend) felt the concern was unwarranted. Of course, I may not have the whole story. The friend starts college next fall.

 

[Pieplup]

My parents do the same thing where they don't want me to go outside really much at all, including not wanting to let me in the backyard. They never did that kind of stuff to any of my siblings, so I'm not entirely sure why they feel the need to do that to me, but I also have motor skill issues and am the shortest person in my family, which they site as reasons why I can't/shouldn't do certain things.

The only way I've been able to get my parents to relax and let me do things outside is to keep pushing until they let me do something with them, with someone else, or with a lot of restrictions. After doing something like that for a few times they'll usually realize I can handle it, and either let me do it more often or let me do it by myself. I also put an effort into helping my parents do things that involve going outside like yard work, running errands with them, etc, and then show them that I'm willing to learn/teach myself to do these things and can handle doing them, so it kind of desensitizes them to the idea of me doing those things by myself.

An example: I kept offering to help my dad with yard work until he let me, and did that with him until it got to a point where they would let me do yard work in the backyard by myself. My dad then let me help him in the front yard more and after awhile of that I now can go anywhere around our house by myself since they're desensitized to me doing that on my own.

It's not that they don't want me to go outside at all it's just that they don't want me to do anything by myself at all. maybe it's that i'm the youngest sibling. and my brother although he's on the spectrum. Maybe part of it is that i struggle alot with motor control. and No I've taken walks with people hundreds of times.

Although it's difficult for us to know how valid your parents concerns are, I recently began to wonder if "helicopter parenting" is a particular problem for some ASD kids. My aspie daughter was telling me about an aspie friend who's parents put a tracking app on her phone. At least once they tracked her down while riding her bike and they (daughter and friend) felt the concern was unwarranted. Of course, I may not have the whole story. The friend starts college next fall.

I think my parents a valid to in their concern that i shouldn't be alone, but not to this extent. They have basically no trust whatsoever that I can function independently. The only thing they allow me to do is stay home alone for extended periods of time. I struggle alot to talk to people i don't know.

 

[Ezra]

I'm in the same situation, except I really do get lost, wander into traffic and all that, so in my case it's legit.

I'll take a guess that because of your motor skill issues, you are considered "accident prone". For me that is another issue that results in helicopter parenting.

Maybe they will agree to let a drone follow you around ha ha.

You might have to wait until you turn 18 to get your independence. Which they probably have anxiety over. Losing their baby or whatever.

 

[Jumpback]

Not that I know of. I'm not like that. I occasionally sneak off but that's really only because i'm tired of the not letting me do anything.

Maybe they misunderstand and don’t trust you because of this?

Maybe promise to text your location for every 5 minutes or something until they get used to you being alone?

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

you could start by showing independence and responsibility around the house. Do you do any chores? Start doing a bit more to help out, without being prompted. You could also apply for a weekend job.

 

[8398]

The below paragraph is what I typed up at this late hour, but I don't want it to sound like I'm not being serious. I think if it has more to do with your parent's unreasonable worries, then I agree that weaseling your way into stuff and showing how you don't perish each time works to condition them. And you said that they didn't used to treat you that way, I wonder why.



Ah this is reminding me of how I was treated. Never did anything.... outlandish or unreasonable. Showed a level head and maturity for my age. I think I exude baby. Dumb baby. My younger sister got more freedom than me, and she was nuts and immature.
Had a lot to do with authority, they had anxiety about a plethora of things, also unaware I was on the spectrum. Wonder how different it would of been if I were diagnosed. Worse probably.

(and by they, I mean ms. essential oils!!!)
But authority has mentally healed a bit, and when I turned maybe 20, suddenly they've dropped all of it and be telling I should try alcohol and recommending movies with some sexual content and.. like ew, are you serious? that's what I'm going through now, like you really don't mind me going for a walk? "I really don't like it and it worries me but you're an adult now so I can't do anything about it." maybe once a parent's child turns 20 and is still not allowed to go for walks it sounds too much like they're being kept captive or something.

 

[Pieplup]

you could start by showing independence and responsibility around the house. Do you do any chores? Start doing a bit more to help out, without being prompted. You could also apply for a weekend job.

I do do things around the house, when i'm asked to. And as for a weekend job. I don't think it's a good idea for me to get a job atm.

Maybe they misunderstand and don’t trust you because of this?

Maybe promise to text your location for every 5 minutes or something until they get used to you being alone?

Well, I don't do it very often. And that started after anyway.

The below paragraph is what I typed up at this late hour, but I don't want it to sound like I'm not being serious. I think if it has more to do with your parent's unreasonable worries, then I agree that weaseling your way into stuff and showing how you don't perish each time works to condition them. And you said that they didn't used to treat you that way, I wonder why.



Ah this is reminding me of how I was treated. Never did anything.... outlandish or unreasonable. Showed a level head and maturity for my age. I think I exude baby. Dumb baby. My younger sister got more freedom than me, and she was nuts and immature.
Had a lot to do with authority, they had anxiety about a plethora of things, also unaware I was on the spectrum. Wonder how different it would of been if I were diagnosed. Worse probably.

(and by they, I mean ms. essential oils!!!)
But authority has mentally healed a bit, and when I turned maybe 20, suddenly they've dropped all of it and be telling I should try alcohol and recommending movies with some sexual content and.. like ew, are you serious? that's what I'm going through now, like you really don't mind me going for a walk? "I really don't like it and it worries me but you're an adult now so I can't do anything about it." maybe once a parent's child turns 20 and is still not allowed to go for walks it sounds too much like they're being kept captive or something.

That sounds pretty weird, why push someone towards pornography and alchohol that's only going to cause more problems. Okay maybe not teh pronography but definitely the alchohol. Also i'm 17 (Almost an Adult)

 

[SDRSpark]

Although it's difficult for us to know how valid your parents concerns are, I recently began to wonder if "helicopter parenting" is a particular problem for some ASD kids. My aspie daughter was telling me about an aspie friend who's parents put a tracking app on her phone. At least once they tracked her down while riding her bike and they (daughter and friend) felt the concern was unwarranted. Of course, I may not have the whole story. The friend starts college next fall.

I wouldn't be surprised at all if that was the case. I have to wonder though...what do these parents think is going to happen when they don't allow their children any practice being independent and then they turn 18 and leave?

Unless the parents manage to maintain legal control over the child (and I know this happens) the child is going to leave eventually and without any experience being independent, they're basically going to the wolves.

 

[Pieplup]

I wouldn't be surprised at all if that was the case. I have to wonder though...what do these parents think is going to happen when they don't allow their children any practice being independent and then they turn 18 and leave?

Unless the parents manage to maintain legal control over the child (and I know this happens) the child is going to leave eventually and without any experience being independent, they're basically going to the wolves.

I don't know if they think that far ahead..and for that matter. I don't think i'm able to do that. It's not that they don't allow me any indepedence but that they are really rigid no me being by myself. Like i'm going to turn around an stab myself or something.

 

[menander]

Well, if you are still a minor, I would say respect them and know they love you. I know it's hard to be undermined. Maybe you can ask them to earn that trust-----walking to the park while you are on the phone with them? Believe me, there are so many on here would did not have loving parents. You have been given a great and beautiful gift.

 

[Els]

Could you go outside with someone else than them - but a person they know and trust? It would already be something maybe (?).

 

[Pieplup]

Well, if you are still a minor, I would say respect them and know they love you. I know it's hard to be undermined. Maybe you can ask them to earn that trust-----walking to the park while you are on the phone with them? Believe me, there are so many on here would did not have loving parents. You have been given a great and beautiful gift.

I feel bit of that card as well as I lived with an abusive parent untill I was 10. Also I don't have a phone. I believe I've mentioned that. Idk I think i'm mixing up WP thread with this one maybe just a little bit. They have no reason not to trust me I've walked by myself outside befoer when they were around. Even in stores and crowed places. It's also weird cause they don't treat my brother this way (He has autism too). I respect them and know that they love me. I realize where they are coming from. They are worried about me. But you can't live your life out of fear. Also to clarify they have no problem with me going outside with other people just being by myself.