Jane Smith
Well-Known Member
Hey guys,
I wanted to share with you guys how the first date with John went! I've been talking about it a lot recently. Especially on this website. You guys have been extremely helpful. Thanks to you guys, it went great, and I learned A LOT.
You guys are life savers. Seriously. I am so happy I got on here, and educated myself.
Quickly about John, for those who don't know: John is a very successful man. Right now he is a Game Designer and is pretty high up in his field. People know who he is and he has appeared on a couplel youtube videos. He has a few kids, and used to be married. Most people would consider him to be very "cold" and "distant". He comes off very shy, and gets scared easily. Because he is always in very professional environment it comes off like he giving people the cold shoulder.
His special interests are Starcraft, and card games.
We've been seeing each other for 1-2 years, but never officially dated. I had a feeling he liked me, but I was too scared to take the relationship to the next level. We spent a lot of time alone, and I thought I knew him pretty well-- or at least more than his co workers. I knew he masked often, but didn't think he masked in front of me. I always assumed he was himself, and that he was showing me the real him.
I was very VERY wrong.
When we had the date, John was happy. He was the happiest I had ever seen him. He was so excited that he could hardly hold it. John in that moment, became a completely different, unrecognizable human being. However, not in a bad sense.
This is what I had learned.
- John is quite talkative and not shy in the least. He asked me 1,000,000 questions,and told me everything about himself. He shared insecurities, fears, and worries. He shared excitements, dreams, and wishes. He wasn't afraid to hold back his thoughts.
-He didn't just have 1 or 2 ticks and mannerisms. He had A LOT OF THEM. They were very noticeable. He couldn't hold still. This was surprising to me. He was always very rigid when we hold out at work. Like a statue.
-John is a kid at heart. There were birds hanging around us. He would play with them. People would look over, but he didn't seem to really mind. I didn't either. I just sat with him.
-John didn't like eye contact. He would look down or around or away. He would look at me when I talked, and sometimes his eyes would rest on mine, but that was it.
-John wants to make friends. Most co workers always said John was cold and that he didn't like or want to talk to anybody. This couldn't be farther from the truth. He did want friends, and told me so. He just didn't know how. I told him some suggestions which he appreciated.
The unfortunate
Sadly, in all of his excitement, John told me he had a girlfriend. This isn't really a bad thing. I should have known he had one. But this was sad to me because this was a date. We both knew it was and agreed on it. So, my heart broke when he told me this information.
He said it quite innocently, and I knew he didn't want to hurt my feelings. But....it still did. For obvious reasons.
However, I realized that even though I was hurt, this moment-whatever it was--was very important and special. John always always had to be The Boss, The Father, The Teacher, The Boyfriend, The Ex Husband, or The Co-Worker. John could never be a kid at heart. He could never just sit and play. He couldn't show all of his mannerisms or speech patterns.
John was afraid all the time that he would never be accepted, and yet here he was un-apologetically being him. And I just couldn't be upset by it.
At the end of the date, he got up he walked to me and said "Thank you so much for hanging out with me! I really appreciated it". His voice was pure and filled with joy. He spoke from the bottom of the heart, and his eyes lit up.
Maybe I wasn't his girlfriend. Maybe it wasn't really a "date", but I knew he loved me. Now, that love may not be romantic. It may not be sexual. But, I knew he did.
Afterwards, I found out from a co-worker that John had approached them and said hi. They said that he appeared more confident and happy. I noticed he started to post more on social media, and that he was reaching out to people through other platforms at work.
I smiled because I knew how hard it was for him, and I was glad he gathered the courage.
I am not 100% sure where our relationship is going to lead, but I look forward to finding out.
[Note: This thread is fine to share. I asked in another thread for that not to happen because of a toxic family member. But I got that sorted out. So it's okay!]
I wanted to share with you guys how the first date with John went! I've been talking about it a lot recently. Especially on this website. You guys have been extremely helpful. Thanks to you guys, it went great, and I learned A LOT.
You guys are life savers. Seriously. I am so happy I got on here, and educated myself.
Quickly about John, for those who don't know: John is a very successful man. Right now he is a Game Designer and is pretty high up in his field. People know who he is and he has appeared on a couplel youtube videos. He has a few kids, and used to be married. Most people would consider him to be very "cold" and "distant". He comes off very shy, and gets scared easily. Because he is always in very professional environment it comes off like he giving people the cold shoulder.
His special interests are Starcraft, and card games.
We've been seeing each other for 1-2 years, but never officially dated. I had a feeling he liked me, but I was too scared to take the relationship to the next level. We spent a lot of time alone, and I thought I knew him pretty well-- or at least more than his co workers. I knew he masked often, but didn't think he masked in front of me. I always assumed he was himself, and that he was showing me the real him.
I was very VERY wrong.
When we had the date, John was happy. He was the happiest I had ever seen him. He was so excited that he could hardly hold it. John in that moment, became a completely different, unrecognizable human being. However, not in a bad sense.
This is what I had learned.
- John is quite talkative and not shy in the least. He asked me 1,000,000 questions,and told me everything about himself. He shared insecurities, fears, and worries. He shared excitements, dreams, and wishes. He wasn't afraid to hold back his thoughts.
-He didn't just have 1 or 2 ticks and mannerisms. He had A LOT OF THEM. They were very noticeable. He couldn't hold still. This was surprising to me. He was always very rigid when we hold out at work. Like a statue.
-John is a kid at heart. There were birds hanging around us. He would play with them. People would look over, but he didn't seem to really mind. I didn't either. I just sat with him.
-John didn't like eye contact. He would look down or around or away. He would look at me when I talked, and sometimes his eyes would rest on mine, but that was it.
-John wants to make friends. Most co workers always said John was cold and that he didn't like or want to talk to anybody. This couldn't be farther from the truth. He did want friends, and told me so. He just didn't know how. I told him some suggestions which he appreciated.
The unfortunate
Sadly, in all of his excitement, John told me he had a girlfriend. This isn't really a bad thing. I should have known he had one. But this was sad to me because this was a date. We both knew it was and agreed on it. So, my heart broke when he told me this information.
He said it quite innocently, and I knew he didn't want to hurt my feelings. But....it still did. For obvious reasons.
However, I realized that even though I was hurt, this moment-whatever it was--was very important and special. John always always had to be The Boss, The Father, The Teacher, The Boyfriend, The Ex Husband, or The Co-Worker. John could never be a kid at heart. He could never just sit and play. He couldn't show all of his mannerisms or speech patterns.
John was afraid all the time that he would never be accepted, and yet here he was un-apologetically being him. And I just couldn't be upset by it.
At the end of the date, he got up he walked to me and said "Thank you so much for hanging out with me! I really appreciated it". His voice was pure and filled with joy. He spoke from the bottom of the heart, and his eyes lit up.
Maybe I wasn't his girlfriend. Maybe it wasn't really a "date", but I knew he loved me. Now, that love may not be romantic. It may not be sexual. But, I knew he did.
Afterwards, I found out from a co-worker that John had approached them and said hi. They said that he appeared more confident and happy. I noticed he started to post more on social media, and that he was reaching out to people through other platforms at work.
I smiled because I knew how hard it was for him, and I was glad he gathered the courage.
I am not 100% sure where our relationship is going to lead, but I look forward to finding out.
[Note: This thread is fine to share. I asked in another thread for that not to happen because of a toxic family member. But I got that sorted out. So it's okay!]
Last edited: