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my family isn’t supportive

madisen622

autistic kidcore grandpa
V.I.P Member
so, a little bit of context here.

i recently got offered a job that i took, it’s for a barista at a children’s hospital. it’s 36 minutes away with traffic. i felt deep down i really wanted this job, i felt as if i was making a difference.

my family wants me to reevaluate my decision, they aren’t supportive of me taking this job because of the distance. the only people that have been supportive are my dad and my boyfriend.

i guess i was just wondering if anybody else has faced similar issues with their family not being supportive?
 
36 minutes doesn’t sound like an especially long commute. Is that by car? Is someone driving you there and picking you up?
 
so, a little bit of context here.

i recently got offered a job that i took, it’s for a barista at a children’s hospital. it’s 36 minutes away with traffic. i felt deep down i really wanted this job, i felt as if i was making a difference.

my family wants me to reevaluate my decision, they aren’t supportive of me taking this job because of the distance. the only people that have been supportive are my dad and my boyfriend.

i guess i was just wondering if anybody else has faced similar issues with their family not being supportive?
I originally come from the Detroit (Michigan USA) and a 30-45 minute drive was pretty normal.

I'm fortunate that my family was supportive (to the point of being pushy :) ), though.

If you begin with the idea that "30 minutes is common for many people", and can offer up some evidence of ability (like, " I've had my license for 3 years and have never had a problem"), that might help.
 
I am sorry that your family are not being supportive of you performing this job, because of the distance.

It sounds like a good opportunity for you.
 
36 minutes doesn’t sound like an especially long commute. Is that by car? Is someone driving you there and picking you up?
i thought the same thing. it is by car, yes! im taking my moms car, we share it. i totaled mine a few months ago unfortunately. :(
 
I originally come from the Detroit (Michigan USA) and a 30-45 minute drive was pretty normal.

I'm fortunate that my family was supportive (to the point of being pushy :) ), though.

If you begin with the idea that "30 minutes is common for many people", and can offer up some evidence of ability (like, " I've had my license for 3 years and have never had a problem"), that might help.
thank you for your advice! i think i’ll try that. :)
 
There may be more to your mother's perspective.

Apart from your mother's concern over your own safety, as a "permissive user" in the household, it likely means the insurance on the car you and your mother share will likely increase in premium due to the added commute exposure, and possibly a big surcharge if the accident you had was at-fault (depending on your state laws.) Then add gasoline and maintenance expenses on the car.

When I was an insurance underwriter handling private passenger autos, our company placed punitive surcharges not on the vehicle you may be driving, but rather the vehicle with the highest rates in the household. Kind of a "double-whammy" to persons having an at-fault accident, if you live in a state that doesn't have no-fault considerations.

I once had a 60 minute commute by car, but given the pay, it was worth it. Yet very expensive not to mention it was a sports car which carried an added premium in itself.

If your mother keeps track of family expenses, her concern wouldn't surprise me. Auto insurance where I live has skyrocketed in cost in just the last 15 months.
 
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so, a little bit of context here.

i recently got offered a job that i took, it’s for a barista at a children’s hospital. it’s 36 minutes away with traffic. i felt deep down i really wanted this job, i felt as if i was making a difference.

my family wants me to reevaluate my decision, they aren’t supportive of me taking this job because of the distance. the only people that have been supportive are my dad and my boyfriend.

i guess i was just wondering if anybody else has faced similar issues with their family not being supportive?
Before I make a judgement, I would need to know who is paying for the gas, the insurance, and how exactly you totaled your car.
 
i thought the same thing. it is by car, yes! im taking my moms car, we share it. i totaled mine a few months ago unfortunately. :(
Sorry to hear about your car. I hope you were not hurt.

It's odd to me that some people in your life would openly disapprove of you having a job that you like and feels meaningful because of a 36 minute commute.

Maybe this is just a situation where you meet disapproval head on and do what you want regardless of what others are telling you. And, you do have the support of your father and your boyfriend. If you have a steady job, then you can save up money to get your own car sooner than if you quit, so it seems like a good thing that you are happily employed.
 
I think it might also be important to know how many days per week you would need the car and does it conflict with any arrangements/jobs your mother has.
 
Congratulations on your new job! I think you should take this opportunity because you might never get another chance. I drive far away where I work as well. My grandad and I work together so we drive to work. I think it's a nice place to work and make people smile. In times of need, kids would appreciate your kindness and support! Keep us updated on how things work out.
 
so, a little bit of context here.

i recently got offered a job that i took, it’s for a barista at a children’s hospital. it’s 36 minutes away with traffic. i felt deep down i really wanted this job, i felt as if i was making a difference.

my family wants me to reevaluate my decision, they aren’t supportive of me taking this job because of the distance. the only people that have been supportive are my dad and my boyfriend.

i guess i was just wondering if anybody else has faced similar issues with their family not being supportive?

I guess one main aspect to consider is what their objections are. Do they have valid reasons for opposing it? Because on the surface it doesn't sound too bad. Working is important and that is not a great distance. I don't know what the environment will be like, but from my familiarity with hospitals as a frequent patient/outpatient my impression is it would be a fairly safe environment. The cliental may be medical and service people and visitors. I think the atmosphere tends to be chill/subdued. No crazies just walking in off the street.
 
Not knowing anything about you or your family, any thoughts on the matter would be very generalised and quite possibly not appropriate for your situation, so bearing that in mind ...

My initial thoughts would be whether the travel distance is really the problem, or whether it's an excuse to cover what the real concern's are which those family members don't feel able to express openly?

If it really is just the issue of travelling distance (and on the face of it a sub-one hour commute is nothing at all out of the ordinary, my daughter currently has a regular commute within London (UK) of about 6 hours a day on two, even three days of the week! (trains and buses, not driving)), then I would expect a discussion around specific issues (safety, parking, costs, etc), not just that "it's too far" or something equally obscure.

I appreciate they may well have done this and I'm just going on your summary and missing any nuance that may have been clearer to you at the time. But if it really was that generalised, maybe try asking for more detail?
If you worry that may come across as combative, you could phrase it in terms of wanting to know what things you need to be concerned about - i.e. so you come across more as asking for help rather than being seen as rejecting their concerns?

Also, do you think they may not be fully aware of how much the job means to you? And you can use arguments like gaining work experience and improving your CV to be able to get better jobs later. Basically gently building up all the positives the job will bring and how much you think it will help you in yourself - gaining confidence and learning valuable social (and other) skills and much more.
 
I think it might also be important to know how many days per week you would need the car and does it conflict with any arrangements/jobs your mother has.
that’s true, unfortunately i don’t know yet. i told her about the three shifts i would get and my weekend hours, i would just need to drop her off early on the days i work 5:30am or 7:30am.
 
Congratulations on your new job! I think you should take this opportunity because you might never get another chance. I drive far away where I work as well. My grandad and I work together so we drive to work. I think it's a nice place to work and make people smile. In times of need, kids would appreciate your kindness and support! Keep us updated on how things work out.
i definitely will give updates, thank you for your support truly it means a lot. :)
 
I guess one main aspect to consider is what their objections are. Do they have valid reasons for opposing it? Because on the surface it doesn't sound too bad. Working is important and that is not a great distance. I don't know what the environment will be like, but from my familiarity with hospitals as a frequent patient/outpatient my impression is it would be a fairly safe environment. The cliental may be medical and service people and visitors. I think the atmosphere tends to be chill/subdued. No crazies just walking in off the street.
i think it’s more of the distance and the car situation. i totaled my car in december of last year, so my mom and i have been having to share one. my grandma offered up her car but after talking to me yesterday she ridiculed me on my decision with taking this job. i can never win it seems lol.
 
Not knowing anything about you or your family, any thoughts on the matter would be very generalised and quite possibly not appropriate for your situation, so bearing that in mind ...

My initial thoughts would be whether the travel distance is really the problem, or whether it's an excuse to cover what the real concern's are which those family members don't feel able to express openly?

If it really is just the issue of travelling distance (and on the face of it a sub-one hour commute is nothing at all out of the ordinary, my daughter currently has a regular commute within London (UK) of about 6 hours a day on two, even three days of the week! (trains and buses, not driving)), then I would expect a discussion around specific issues (safety, parking, costs, etc), not just that "it's too far" or something equally obscure.

I appreciate they may well have done this and I'm just going on your summary and missing any nuance that may have been clearer to you at the time. But if it really was that generalised, maybe try asking for more detail?
If you worry that may come across as combative, you could phrase it in terms of wanting to know what things you need to be concerned about - i.e. so you come across more as asking for help rather than being seen as rejecting their concerns?

Also, do you think they may not be fully aware of how much the job means to you? And you can use arguments like gaining work experience and improving your CV to be able to get better jobs later. Basically gently building up all the positives the job will bring and how much you think it will help you in yourself - gaining confidence and learning valuable social (and other) skills and much more.
thank you for your kind words.

i realize now that my context was a bit generalized. for the sake of time and not wanting to read a lot ill be short.

in december of last year i totaled my car in an accident. my mom and i currently share a car and have been using it to go places, ive been going to work with her some days to pass time until im officially on board with my new job. this would seem like an issue upfront but my grandma has offered her car up to me. we were trying to plan a day to get together, but she was busy. after talking to her yesterday she was very rude to me about wanting to take this job, she told me to “deduct my pay and commute to seriously see if it was worth it.” it feels like i can never win with my family.
 
after talking to her yesterday she was very rude to me about wanting to take this job, she told me to “deduct my pay and commute to seriously see if it was worth it.” it feels like i can never win with my family.

It would seem under those circumstances, the most important factor in the equation may be how badly you need a job, and whether you have a very firm and consistent job history. Or not.

If you badly need to establish a work history, then there's more to it than considering the cost of a commute and insurance, versus whatever your income may be. At least that's the way I see it. Many of us seem to have a difficult time just establishing a work history, so it's understandable how something like that may be more valuable in a qualitative sense than a quantitative one.

Something I know well, when I so badly needed a job. Which involved a very expensive commute having to take the subway a very long distance into San Francisco. When I took home about $600/month after federal and state taxes.
 
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