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My dear forum members:

Aspychata

Aspychata

Serenity waves, beachy vibes
V.I.P Member
l like to ask you to ask for what you need. l understand we tend to coward and retreat and not get our needs met. l am asking you to not worry about confrontation, and step outside of yourself, and ASK for what you need. It might be your mom, it might be a mental health counselor, it maybe a boyfriend/girlfriend, it maybe your landlord, it maybe an employer, just ask. You maybe surprised at the response. Where have you been not stepping up and asking for what you need?
 
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Don't be afraid to ask for what you need. l understand that is a different place to shift to, but it's okay to try to meet our needs as Nureodiverse peeps.
 
This is a lesson I really, REALLY wish I'd learned sooner.

I want to add one extra bit to it: sometimes asking for help with certain things can seem very embarrassing, for any number of reasons. If you're like me, you tend to retreat, hide, and suffer rather than face that.

Dont make that mistake. Step forward anyway... just get it done.

I dont remember where I heard this phrase, but when I need to deal with something like that, and I gotta just freaking do it rather than torture myself yet again, I always say to myself: "just rip off the band-aid already". As in, just freaking do it, all at once, quickly. If you try to inch forward slowly, it just makes the process even harder.

Seriously I wish I'd understood these things long ago.
 
I need to provide for myself. To be my own parent. To find my own sense of worth instead of relying on external validation.

I need to ask myself to treat myself better, basically.

If I can’t love myself, how can I love others?
 
I’ve asked this forum for help several times over the past year. You all pulled me through some really rough times. Each time I asked for help I thought, what if no one responds at all? But you did. I can’t thank you enough.
 
You clearly have good intentions.
I have been encouraged in real life to ask for my needs and not to hesistate. When I did ask and thought they were ok with it. What I got was a lot of questions about I was asking for XYZ. It made me feel that they was not comfortable catering to these needs in the end. Who knows what everyone thinks when they offer that gesture to people.
 
I'm always asking for help. But sadly, many people don't take me seriously. They just see me as manipulative or a hypochondriac. I'm none of those. I just need help. No, not therapy, but I mean useful help, like support with finances and more priority for council housing, stuff like that.
 
I need to be careful to have the wisdom, to know when asking will actually make things worse. Sometimes, too many times, after expressing a need, a person who is out to get me will use that information to make the problem much, much worse. So having potential escape is good, too. Which means being careful about this in places such as work, where there is a high price to departure.
 
stevens said:
I need to be careful to have the wisdom, to know when asking will actually make things worse. Sometimes, too many times, after expressing a need, a person who is out to get me will use that information to make the problem much, much worse. So having potential escape is good, too. Which means being careful about this in places such as work, where there is a high price to departure.
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Agreed. Showing any vulnerability is tricky because you do not know who you can trust.
 
It would be nice to come across the right lady. I would not like to be with the wrong lady as that would be awful for her and for me! But the right lady and all will fit in place. :)
 
Aspychata said:
l like to ask you to ask for what you need. l understand we tend to coward and retreat and not get our needs met. l am asking you to not worry about confrontation, and step outside of yourself, and ASK for what you need. It might be your mom, it might be a mental health counselor, it maybe a boyfriend/girlfriend, it maybe your landlord, it maybe an employer, just ask. You maybe surprised at the response. Where have you been not stepping up and asking for what you need?
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Growing up, I learned that asking for something would always get me a reason why it wouldn't happen. It still just about kills me to appeal a decision, and I don't do it with any confidence at all. I have noticed that there is a big difference in how people react to men and women. Men might get the loan of a tool more readily, but women get all the consideration for feelings, etc. The local medical people are quick to bully me for being non-standard, making anything I complain of worse.
 
Sorry to read that @Shevek , it's hard to have to say to others, WAIT, you know l am entitled to my feelings and expressing them is okay.
l was out with my mom tonite expressing my feelings, and she didn't want to accept it. Like some how l wasn't allowed to have feelings has a grown adult. Then l realized l spent years, just years of suppressing my feelings growing up. Now l feel relieved l don't spend much time with her. l want to be healthy, l want to embrace all my feelings, l don't need her approval anymore.
 
Aspychata said:
l like to ask you to ask for what you need. l understand we tend to coward and retreat and not get our needs met. l am asking you to not worry about confrontation, and step outside of yourself, and ASK for what you need. It might be your mom, it might be a mental health counselor, it maybe a boyfriend/girlfriend, it maybe your landlord, it maybe an employer, just ask. You maybe surprised at the response. Where have you been not stepping up and asking for what you need?
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I need for winter to bugger off so I can get my fifth wheel back out into nature and my paddle board onto a lake. That is what I need.
 
Hey, l agree with those feelings @velociraptor , llet's get winter to leave so we can get back to those great things that fuel our passions.
 
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Aspychata said:
l like to ask you to ask for what you need. l understand we tend to coward and retreat and not get our needs met. l am asking you to not worry about confrontation, and step outside of yourself, and ASK for what you need. It might be your mom, it might be a mental health counselor, it maybe a boyfriend/girlfriend, it maybe your landlord, it maybe an employer, just ask. You maybe surprised at the response. Where have you been not stepping up and asking for what you need?
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Read it again - because I needed to. Thank you
 
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