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My cat's time has come. Rest In Peace, Allie.

JDShredds

Well-Known Member
Since I've found connection and community around here, I felt I needed to share that last night my ex and I had to put down the cat we rescued 10 years ago. Quite quickly over the last two weeks she started going south and not eating, and after Ive been running her back and forth from the vet over the last 10 days we discovered she has lymphoma. Her liver and lymph nodes were badly swollen and she wasn't responding to steroids. Even the most extreme treatment including chemo would not have bought her much time nor returned her to a high quality of life.

She was the sweetest tempered cat I've ever had. She was my one remaining companion in this home, and my love for her was so pure. I cherished taking care of her every day, as in some sense she took care of me too. My morning ritual was intertwined with taking care of her, so needless to say this morning was terribly difficult and I've had many moments of hysterical sorrow. I always just wanted her to be happy and well. I'd go fetch her fresh grass to chew on, open the blinds with the morning sun for her to roast herself, sweep up the litter tracks, take care of food and water (she had a cute habit of drinking water from glass cups, so she had her own cocacola glass in the living room on a coffee table with "Allie" written on it in green ink). etc. etc. Until recent months we always played with toys before bed, but she lost interest suddenly (perhaps the first warning sign).

When she was rescued in summer 2009 she was skinny, losing fur and would have likely died soon. She also ended up having pretty bad allergies and had to go on experimental meds for an extended period of time (which worked and she eventually got weened off). Its worth noting those meds affect the liver, so while they extended her younger life, they may have shortened her elder years.

But I'm happy we gave her such a high quality of life for a decade. If one of us was upset, the first thing she would do is come comfort you by coming to you purring, rubbing and gently meowing. In recent years she really did have a high quality of life without being pestered with meds or bad allergies or anything. And I was very, very present with her, so I don't have an ounce of guilt. Its simply sorrow. This cat deserves a happy eternity, because she was a living angel. She really was.

We had a 2 year old cat, Moony, die quite suddenly from a heart condition a bit over 2 years ago. He was madly in love with Allie in his short life; he looked to her with the intensity of an autistic obsession. It just so happens that it is the full moon right now. There is a certain symbolism there; a sense that her little brother is watching and awaiting her. And even if that's just our own sense of symbolism, it feels real.

Rest in piece, Allie. My sweet little lady cat. My little bestie.
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It really hurt to read this, so I can imagine how much this is hurting you right now.

I adore cats. I have two of my own. Fantastic creatures.

I'm so very sorry for your loss. :(
 
You have my deepest sincere condolences of youre lost .I have had to see both my dog as well as soon after that one of my 2 cats put to sleep due to illness 2 years ago so i know how hard it is (lowering head in sorrow)
 
I'm so sorry. It hurts so much whenever we lose a cat.

I can't help but be pragmatic. Please don't think I'm being cold. But I hope you'll adopt a new kitty friend soon. Surely one out there needs you, and it sounds like you need them, too.
 
Cats are wonderful friends. I'm always so sad to hear when one of us loses such a special friend.
Grieve, recover, then when the time is right give another kitty a good home.
 
I'm so very sorry for your loss. Our feline (or canine companions) are our best friends, we often care about them more than we could ever care about a person. I understand your sorrow and I deeply sympathise. Having to put down my own feline friend 4 years ago was simply the most devastating and painful thing I've ever had to do in my life. I still miss him. Allie sounds like she was a wonderful companion and you gave her the best life you possibly could. Sending you many virtual hugs.
Rest in peace Allie.
 
Thanks for the support everyone. Its been terribly difficult, and its a day we all know will come but always hope it'll be "later."

Since the ex and I are on good terms, we've been able to cope together. She helped me start cleaning up some of Allie's things around the house, because if I don't change the environment I'll just keep suffering and clinging on to what was. Not like I'm tossing things callously away, but I don't need blatant reminders every direction I look. I've cried my head off enough.

I will get another cat someday. However, I have a lot of changes coming up in life, and I don't want to drag a pet through that. Once I move and settle into my new life, I will certainly consider a cat again. In the meantime, a couple of friends are going out of town tomorrow, and it just so happens I am tasked with checking on their cat and rats each day. It feels like a bit of a blessing to at least have that to do, as I'm so used to taking care of my cat.
 
As I process and cope, I figured I would mention that as a kind of serendipity my friends have gone out of town for a week starting yesterday, and I was tasked with looking after their cat and 6 rats once a day. I started last night and I must say it felt like therapy. I got to laugh at Humphrey (the cat) and his crazy old man appetite, downing an entire can of wet food in minutes, and got to give the rats nuts and laugh at their different personalities, from hyper shy to super greedy. Given that my daily responsibility for Allie is part of my struggle, its nice to have this temporary responsibility at just the right time.

Also, here is a snippet of stories I wrote about Allie and her personality:

She was a very sweet cat with a gentle temperament. A buddy of mine isn't a cat guy, but he always said, "I would get a cat if I could guarantee it would be like Allie." If you were visibly upset, she was the first one there to comfort you with purrs, rubs and kneading. She liked to drag toys while whining; she was more of a "lay next to you" cat than a "lap cat." She loved to knead on my belly for 10 minute straight, only stopping when my belly turns red. She was obsessed with shoes and purses. She loved Christmas and would actively open gift bags. "If you've got a box or a bag, I'll get in it." When I put my Yoga mat down, she would sit in the middle of it. She would often stare at me gently with the same loving expression I would stare at her with. Like most cats, she absolutely loved the fireplace, sunny windows and any warm spots in the house. During winter she would jump on my bedroom dresser every morning because the heat blew strongly on top of it. When coming home, I would often see her in the front blinds, sleeping away happily or watching the birds or outdoor cats.
 
I was sorry to read you had to say goodby to Allie.

There isn’t much I can write to help change how you feel.

I can write that know how hard that sort of loss hits us.
The gap it leaves, missing and changing routines and expectations,

companionship on the days we don’t have anything to say (and well meaning partners and relatives are irritating)

I think we lose a part of ourselves when we have to let them go.

I hope taking care of the cat and rats is still going okay :)
 

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