My brother is probably on the spectrum...how to help

[PastelPetals]

So I am autistic and I think my brother is too. He stims, he eats only around 20 foods, hates many types of clothes, does not like being outside due to bugs or the sunlight or the temperature, he loves maps and alternate history videos but owns no maps because he finds inaccuracies in all of them, he loves basketball but only 2k (no real games) and knows the stats for tons of them and most of his game play is just talking about the stats. He is super smart but also super sensitive and he gets bullied a lot. People don't always get him because he is sometimes too honest and comes off as rude.

He likes me a lot since I don't judge and I think he can tell we are similar. I asked my parents about him and they said he was fine (I don't think they want another me) but that was when he was 7 and he is 10 and things are becoming even more apparent as he gets older. For all I know he has a diagnosis and nobody told me.

Does anyone know how to help him feel good about himself he has a really low self esteem as he feels he does everything wrong. Not sure I can help with much else as overall he functions better than me but I still want to help him feel better. Also if anyone knows some extremely up to date map stuff please tell me.

 

[Rabscuttle]

Well, here's a thought off the top of my head: has he considered drawing maps himself? That'd let him be as accurate as he likes, and having art you've created around you can serve to boost self-esteem.

 

[PastelPetals]

Well, here's a thought off the top of my head: has he considered drawing maps himself? That'd let him be as accurate as he likes, and having art you've created around you can serve to boost self-esteem.

He likes to do that on his computer to make his own alternate history maps but I think drawing them out would be good too for making realistic maps instead of the alternate ones. Might be good too since he knows all the countries and that's fun for him to talk about (before it was maps he liked it was flags so he learned all the countries from that)

 

[Judge]

Also if anyone knows some extremely up to date map stuff please tell me.

I share similar biases when it comes to maps. However I know that cartography is a science. One I studied in college. However the commercial process and mass publishing of maps remains a business.

Making it almost a certainty for maps on the market to be more a matter of out-of-date than to reflect the latest border changes. Unlike the software market, don't expect cartographers and publishers to immediately revise their product to meet the financial challenges reflecting each and every change that occurs in real time.

Though at times, I practically laugh out loud in stores when I see globes that reflect geopolitical borders that may be as much as 30 years out of date. Ugh!

Even National Geographic is guilty of such practices with some of their lower cost atlases...

 

[PastelPetals]

I share similar biases when it comes to maps. However I know that cartography is a science. One I studied in college. However the commercial process and mass publishing of maps remains a business.

Making it almost a certainty for maps on the market to be more a matter of out-of-date than to reflect the latest border changes. Unlike the software market, don't expect cartographers and publishers to immediately revise their product to meet the financial challenges reflecting each and every change that occurs in real time.

Though at times, I practically laugh out loud in stores when I see globes that reflect geopolitical borders that may be as much as 30 years out of date. Ugh!

Even National Geographic is guilty of such practices with some of their lower cost atlases...

I told my brother what you said about mass publishing maps and he said "that's probably true" and "fair point" He then showed me some of the map stuff he was doing and then he made some flags online.

I appreciate help from people who are interested in the things he is as I do want to connect with him and while we do I don't always know much about what he talks about. I want to to feel less alone or like he is bad like I did. In some ways he may be better off as he is much better academically than I am (He is in the gifted programs...or was until it became overwhelming and I have multiple ld's) but I know people still pick on him for being a bit different so thank you for the info so i can connect with him.

 

[Judge]

I told my brother what you said about mass publishing maps and he said "that's probably true" and "fair point" He then showed me some of the map stuff he was doing and then he made some flags online.

I appreciate help from people who are interested in the things he is as I do want to connect with him and while we do I don't always know much about what he talks about. I want to to feel less alone or like he is bad like I did. In some ways he may be better off as he is much better academically than I am (He is in the gifted programs...or was until it became overwhelming and I have multiple ld's) but I know people still pick on him for being a bit different so thank you for the info so i can connect with him.

Neither you or him are alone. That's what this place is all about.

 

[Sarah S]

So I am autistic and I think my brother is too. He stims, he eats only around 20 foods, hates many types of clothes, does not like being outside due to bugs or the sunlight or the temperature, he loves maps and alternate history videos but owns no maps because he finds inaccuracies in all of them, he loves basketball but only 2k (no real games) and knows the stats for tons of them and most of his game play is just talking about the stats. He is super smart but also super sensitive and he gets bullied a lot. People don't always get him because he is sometimes too honest and comes off as rude.

He likes me a lot since I don't judge and I think he can tell we are similar. I asked my parents about him and they said he was fine (I don't think they want another me) but that was when he was 7 and he is 10 and things are becoming even more apparent as he gets older. For all I know he has a diagnosis and nobody told me.

Does anyone know how to help him feel good about himself he has a really low self esteem as he feels he does everything wrong. Not sure I can help with much else as overall he functions better than me but I still want to help him feel better. Also if anyone knows some extremely up to date map stuff please tell me.

First of all you cant compare you're self to youre brother as us wimen show our criterias in a different ways then boys + as you alredy know youre ASD2 and IF he is on the spectrum he`s probaly (but of course only cert evaluation can determan this ) ASD 1

Second to me (and im NOT a certified doctor i can only go by what i have learnt about this diagnose) i would say based on youre decription on him he might probaly be having ASD 1 (also known as Asbergers MALE version) (its also highly likely that as you are sister and brother he also is on the spectrum )

Sadly i can easily understand how bad he must feel and with his low self confidence and being missunderstood and bullied because he thinks difrently

What i would suggest is try to get him to come in here with us (ie register a own account and start talking to us. He would then find out he´s NOT alone and we do understand him and welcome him)

The BEST way you can help youre brother is what you alredy do , be there for him , Listen to him as his sister

 

[PastelPetals]

First of all you cant compare you're self to youre brother as us wimen show our criterias in a different ways then boys + as you alredy know youre ASD2 and IF he is on the spectrum he`s probaly (but of course only cert evaluation can determan this ) ASD 1

Second to me (and im NOT a certified doctor i can only go by what i have learnt about this diagnose) i would say based on youre decription on him he might probaly be having ASD 1 (also known as Asbergers MALE version) (its also highly likely that as you are sister and brother he also is on the spectrum )

Sadly i can easily understand how bad he must feel and with his low self confidence and being missunderstood and bullied because he thinks difrently

What i would suggest is try to get him to come in here with us (ie register a own account and start talking to us. He would then find out he´s NOT alone and we do understand him and welcome him)

The BEST way you can help youre brother is what you alredy do , be there for him , Listen to him as his sister

Yes I would agree with ASD 1 he acts a lot like the boys with aspergers people see on tv is the best way to describe it. I feel a bit odd sometimes be the "lower functioning" of the two of us as he is more age appropriate developmentally and he is more independent at his age then I was but I try my best to be there for him as he really likes me.

I really do hope me just being there will be enough he seems to be happy when people listen to him about what he is doing around his special interest (little surprise there) but nobody else likes or is ok with listening to him list off countries or talk to you like you already know the information...but I will. So I am glad that can help too.

And yes I know one of my cousins has ASD3 but I think his sister has ASD1 and I have ASD2 so I don't think it would be surprising if he has ASD1

 

[Sarah S]

Yes I would agree with ASD 1 he acts a lot like the boys with aspergers people see on tv is the best way to describe it.

I feel a bit odd sometimes be the "lower functioning" of the two of us as he is more age appropriate developmentally and he is more independent at his age then I was but I try my best to be there for him as he really likes me.

I really do hope me just being there will be enough he seems to be happy when people listen to him about what he is doing around his special interest (little surprise there) but nobody else likes or is ok with listening to him list off countries or talk to you like you already know the information...but I will. So I am glad that can help too.

And yes I know one of my cousins has ASD3 but I think his sister has ASD1 and I have ASD2 so I don't think it would be surprising if he has ASD1

I would agree on that

The fact that you as well as me who is even lower then you as im ASD 3 and a gazilion Co morbid diagnosis makes us both more able to see and also understand him better then others. BUT as you say youre lower functional (same as me ) thats NOT that were not able to have intelligence my young friend . As you see im still able to have deep diskussions and i do understand way better then my IQ and my Diagnosis says, so what im trying to say here is despite youre diagnosis and all the rest DONT bring youre self down like that dear from what ive seen so far in here since we first met you are more intelligent and capule then you let youre self belive . And most defenetly WAY overmy level when i was at youre age (and they had only discovered my MBD and Severe ADHD back then.)

And like you i have been the odd one my entire life & its due to this im also able to help and understand other odd ones / Broken soules etc... Better then those so called " normal " persons as i am one my self so i do understand them and they can relate to me and trust me . same with you youre brother know you have ASD 2 and he most probaly know he has some diagnose as well SO he fel he can trust you and you do understand him .

TRUST me when i say he does you dont need to be profetional to see that (smiling warmly )

I would say the odds is very high that he has ASD 1 and also higher IQ then average

I have both my mom Confimed later when she sadly got Alzimers most probaly ASD 1 from a cert nurse that have worked with this (now my moms contact person) , most probaly my dad (reel dad ), and i do know from my moms side both ADHD as well as also my aunt most Defenetly ASD as well as my uncle most probaly and my grandpas sisters 2 girls ( one most defenetly ADHD and the other confimed ASD and so on ........ so yeah i have it in my family as well

 

[Matthias]

Does anyone know how to help him feel good about himself he has a really low self esteem as he feels he does everything wrong.

I struggled with depression and a low self-esteem almost my entire life until I recently recovered from it. I wrote a blog post explaining how to improve self-esteem that may help him:
Knowing Yourself - How to improve your self-esteem

It's part of a blog I created to help autistic people with secondary problems. Since those problems also occur in people who aren't autistic, it may help your brother regardless of whether or not he is autistic.

Link to blog on this forum (click BLOGS on top left of forum if you don't like links):
How I overcame problems associated with autism

A couple other posts that may be helpful for him:
Sensitive to criticism? Here's how to overcome it
Alexithymia (trouble identifying and describing emotions)