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My brother has given up on his family...

A

AspiePie

Well-Known Member
My brother who is Autistic like me has given up on his family due to they are not being supportive about the fact that my father with his hyper controlling parenting style gave him PTSD... He basically feels they don't understand and are not trying to understand him and he won't listen to anything they say.. How do I intervene?
 
You don't. Because if you intervene, you will be reinforcing his belief that his family doesn't understand and only wants to control him.

The best thing you can do is simply to listen. Don't interfere, but be ready with an ear to listen to him if he needs to unload.

Is he living on his own right now?
 
NateSean said:
You don't. Because if you intervene, you will be reinforcing his belief that his family doesn't understand and only wants to control him.

The best thing you can do is simply to listen. Don't interfere, but be ready with an ear to listen to him if he needs to unload.

Is he living on his own right now?
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Yes he is living on his own...
 
I agree with others that giving your brother space and freedom is probably the best way forward for everyone. Sometimes the benefit of a particular course of action doesn't become clear until later.

For me, getting away from my family was the only way to heal. I still feel they don't really listen, twenty years on, but things are much better now because I had time and life experience to help me make sense of things.

Your brother needs breathing room. You can let him know you're there to listen. But don't intervene; that's what he expects by now and it will hurt him. :herb:
 
AspiePie said:
People have back stabbed me all my life and now I feel like my brother has given up on me...
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You sound like you're in a lot of pain. It's hard when we feel our only support people are abandoning us. I think many of us here have had transient relationships with others and are carrying similar pain. Just keep hanging on, AspiePie. Sometimes that's all you can do. Feel free to vent here. We are all here to support you, and your brother if he wants it. :herb:
 
Any chance you can have contact with him without involving the rest of the family?
 
AspiePie said:
People have back stabbed me all my life and now I feel like my brother has given up on me...
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Why are you thinking this is about you? It's a decision he made for himself, for independence. He's hasn't given up on you, when I moved away from my own family, it was to be independent of the family as a group. Still had relationships with my siblings after that, in fact we lived together for awhile, at various times. All on the way to our lives.
 
Mia said:
Why are you thinking this is about you? It's a decision he made for himself, for independence. He's hasn't given up on you, when I moved away from my own family, it was to be independent of the family as a group. Still had relationships with my siblings after that, in fact we lived together for awhile, at various times. All on the way to our lives.
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Because I am being forced to live in Assisted Living and get therapy I don't need or want.. I am just so alone!
 
AspiePie said:
Because I am being forced to live in Assisted Living and get therapy I don't need or want.. I am just so alone!
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You need to not take this personally, and make this about yourself. If you have been forced into assisted living, then you need to work through the therapy and show them you can live on your own, as your brother has. If your brother can do it, you can too.
 
Mia said:
You need to not take this personally, and make this about yourself. If you have been forced into assisted living, then you need to work through the therapy and show them you can live on your own, as your brother has. If your brother can do it, you can too.
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And the fact is they don't ever talk about my progress..Just my set backs! And my brother was just allowed to go to collage and figure it out himself!
 
AspiePie said:
And the fact is they don't ever talk about my progress..Just my set backs! And my brother was just allowed to go to collage and figure it out himself!
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You can ask about your progress, there's nothing stopping you from doing that. Suggest a time and a meeting, ask what they expect of you, ask, ask, ask. If they won't discuss it with you, ask them why, get organized and goal oriented. Here's a story from my own country:

http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/nova-...ince-repeal-incompetent-persons-act-1.3491237
http://www.cbc.ca/radio/asithappens...dreams-of-just-living-a-normal-life-1.3359170
 
AspiePie said:
And the fact is they don't ever talk about my progress..Just my set backs! And my brother was just allowed to go to collage and figure it out himself!
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How old are you, and what power do they have over you that they can force you to do anything? Are you physically disabled? Were you declared incompetent by a judge? I'm not sure I understand the entire situation to be able to advise you.
 
NateSean said:
How old are you, and what power do they have over you that they can force you to do anything? Are you physically disabled? Were you declared incompetent by a judge? I'm not sure I understand the entire situation to be able to advise you.
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Declared incompetent....
 
I have a similar condition with your brother.
In my opinion, you can try to keep contact with him, just to know how he is doing.
You can be the "bridge" between them.
Just remember, Never ever try to be a mediator, that will make everything worse and worse.
Hope its help. :)
 
The only thing we can offer is sincere understanding and hope you know that we do get it. In that way, at least you are not alone. Please continue to vent and share. Life is usually out of our control, more so for aspies, but we have each other.
 
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