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Missa Wiggins

New Member
Hello All!
I enter into this group with a heavy heart. My son fits the mold. When he was in school he never received special help of any kind. He would test just above the % required. He is a good kind person and always has been. Life has always been a struggle especially school.
He is 28 now. Jobs, relationships, self care, organization all seem to slip through his fingers.
How do we begin again? Dignity, self worth, and hope for a brighter future with friends and neighbors who care and understand about him. A life where he can understand and appreciate who he is and what he can offer to this world as well.
Can anyone tell me how?
 
Welcome Missa. In answer I would say step by step. Things won't change overnight but I note you said your son is a good and a kind person. That's a great start. :)

I don't know if the first step would be getting a diagnosis for your son or learning more about autism...I'm sure others will chime in and help with advice.

It sounds like you are really caring and want wonderful things for him. That is also a great base to build from.
 
What sort of help do you think he needs?
Has your son stated he needs help?

Has something happened that has you feeling as if he has to 'begin again' with the dignity and self worth?

Is your son thinking about an official diagnoses?
 
Welcome, Missa Wiggins! I don't have any advice but want to let you know that you and your son are not alone, I have a brother who I would describe in a very similar way (aged 29 now, diagnosed aged 26). He has turned to gaming and is very difficult to get through to. We are unsure how to work with him either. At the moment he would not be able to live independently.
 
Hi, Missa. I'm NT and have a nephew diagnosed as low functioning who is the same age as your son. He is mostly non-verbal and lives with his mother who has high functioning autism. I've tried to help my nephew by teaching him some self-sufficiency skills such as how to make simple food, dress himself, tie his shoes, change the sheets on his bed, fold laundry, and how to use eating utensils. He helps me when I write checks to pay our bills. I give him the invoice or bill, have him fill out the check so all I do is sign it, he puts the check and the payment part of the invoice in the window envelope so that the address is properly visible, adds postage, and updates my check register. I closely supervise him so it is done correctly but I have seen him make progress on his organizational skills by doing it and he loves it. I work with him on language such as his use of pronouns which he does not understand for reasons I don't understand, and teach him new vocabulary words.

Sadly, his mother has never allowed him to learn anything like that or even tried to teach him. I praise him when he does these things and I can tell he is proud. It's a small start toward eventual independence (which will never happen with my nephew) and it builds his self esteem. You're a good mom to try to help your son.
 
Hi Missa :)

welcome to af.png
 
Your son is fortunate to have someone who cares.

If your son is anything like me, then it may be best to only work on one change at a time. Prioritize the things you believe he needs help with and work on them in that order. E.g., if you feel self care and organization are required for getting and holding a job, work on those first.

The rest of my comments apply to all relationships and changes, not just autistics:

In any relationship, the only thing you can change is yourself. If your son wants to learn and change, you can help, guide, and advise him. But the actual change is up to him. If he wants to change, you will have the most success if you approach it as a helper or partner, not as an enforcer or authority.

Habits and thoughts take a long time to change. There will be some false starts and some approaches that don't work. Don't look at setbacks as total defeat. Be open to trying different approaches, evaluate how they are working and don't be afraid to change your approach if something isn't working.

Celebrate every step forward, no matter how small.
 
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I understand only to well. I am in his position. Trying to understand how to live life on my on. While depending on a parent for everything else. Take small steps. Fully explain things and show him step by step. He will make mistakes. But keep trying.
 

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