More prone to complain?

[Gomendosi]

I wonder if it is a side effect of scrutinizing the machinations of everybody and the mechanics of everything that leads me to complain a fair bit more than I think is both healthy and normal.
It just seems to me that I can?t hold a conversation without being negative about everything and bringing up things that are troublesome to me.

I was talking to someone the other day and I said that I couldn?t handle that they and their significant other always complained to me all the time about everything and that as a result, I felt I had to help "sort things" for them, I said it would be good if we could all just sit around and talk about nice things.
To which the reply was their statement that I complain more than anyone else they know.
I am also actually having a conversation while I type this and I haven?t much to say to the person unless I start complaining about stuff.

Have you ever noticed complaining a lot more than anyone else, are you actually complaining or simply making observations?

Maybe it is all just me personally huh, It could just be that I am complaining even now and now I am just complaining that I am complaining about complaining hehehe

Seriously though, have a think and let me know your thoughts ; ]

 

[2010Dolby]

Eh. I don't think I complain much, but I openly declare how much I hate things haha "Why is Alex here? I HATE that guy!!!" or "These 200SR GM transmissions piss me off more than you could ever imagine!!!" and "That Mustang isn't even a car, it's just a **** reject from the Chevy line-up!"

These are the things people here me yell on a daily basis xD maybe it's a form of loud and angry complaining?

 

[Arashi222]

I don't know. Is it possible that what we consider and observation is more of a complaint? Just a thought? I mean what most people think or feel is more like complaining is really just an observation of something they don't like.

 

[King_Oni]

People told me I complain a lot... but I feel it's more that I make observations.

To draw a funny parallel... if I express things the way I do, do that on stage and get a reward for it, I'm considered a Stand-up, if I just to it in private, I'm complaining.

But I make a lot of observations, maybe it's because I have way more time on my hands, maybe it's because I can look at some things in a vaccuum, since I don't have those "participation factors" of society. Maybe it's just that those things are stressfull and highly illogical or irrational to me. Or of course it's a sensory issue which a lot of NT people might not have.

What I do know, however, is that my complaining (let's just call it that for now) is more of a superficial level when I'm around people... that might be because it has to relate to other people. I can't "complain" about how X interacts with Y in game Z, since that's specifics. I can hardly talk about articles I read, since I know quite sure that the people I talk to (mainly my parents) don't have a clue what it was about. I see the same with my parents on that level... my parents "complain" a lot, but they also sit in the living room all day, watching tv and looking through the window outside, looking what other people do and then comment on it. It's a superficial level of observing and complaining where both of them can relate to eachother since they both "observe" the same thing.

Besides; what's complaining? What if I observe something and remark something that's good about it... you never hear someone "he's good at praising things"... you'll always hear "he complains a lot"... than it itself is silly since the people who whine that you complain, complain themselves.

 

[FishyEnthusiest]

I've been told I complain too much, but really I think I am just saying what I want to say. Especially at work, if we are over staffed I will say "why am I even here, there are too many people here" I think part of my discomfort at work is sensory overload too. My anxiety starts kicking in and it is downhill from there.

 

[Kelly]

People told me I complain a lot... but I feel it's more that I make observations.

^This sums it up for me. I make sarcastic comments and complain about things all the time but to me I'm just making observations. Like earlier we were shopping and my husband put lots of heavy things in a bag which had a slightly torn handle so without thinking I said "yeah because that's a good idea isn't it" before showing him the handle.....luckily he's just as sarcatic/snappy as me and doesn't think anything of it.

Or when we walked past 2 people having an extremely loud conversation and I said to my husband "seriously wtf?! Do they really need to talk that loud"...then we got to the biscuits they had changed the packagaing on some that he likes to get cue me complaining about it "well why have they changed it, what was the point in that, it looks much less appealing, I hate it when they change things like that, how are you supposed to find them". He's just the same though, we are always making sarcastic comments, complaining about stuff and we have a good back and forth moanfest alot of the time.

 

[NeverEnder]

I complain often, yes. Maybe not as much as before-- Not sure. But, I do complain.

 

[King_Oni]

Just now a situation occurred which made me think about this thread.

I was in the backyard shortly, and since it's summer holidays the neighbours kids are playing outside. I have no clue whatever they were doing, I did however hear some kind of alarm thing going off, much like a policesiren.

That to me is an annoying sound, and thus a sensory issue. The kids in general screaming and playing is a sensory issue... spontaneous sounds on a rather constant basis, same thing. And while writing this; birds singing... it's a reason why I usually blast my music loud... all these small subtle sounds that make up "everyday life" stress me out up to sensory overload. I'm fine with my computer and ceiling fan humming in the same way all day steadily.

I don't know.. is this complaining? And if so... how is this different then someone who suffers from regular migraines pointing out he has a headache? Someone with insomnia saying he feels tired.

Here's a minor rant that stems from this situation

Granted I don't go to my neighbours house and tell them "keep your kids in, they annoy me"... and chances are that if I would call the cops over it, they'd be like "can't do anything here... this is normal"... actually I don't know if it's normal, but we've grown accustomed to the fact that, especially for aspies (and other groups that might suffer from sensory issues), that spontaneous sound of everyday life is something you just have to deal with... I don't think it's neccesarily "normal" that this is like the way it is, much like I don't think it's normal to expect everyone to live a life from sunrise to sunset instead of the other way around. But back to the sound issue... I feel that if I complain about it, it should be resolved and not be treated at "well, accept it man"... yes, I can somewhat deal with it. I close my windows and stay in for most of the day, I sleep through the day and wake up at night, just because that's the time when it's quiet enough for me to open the window (and even copcars over a mile away annoy me enough, and I even hear them through my headphones.. .yay for sensitive hearing), and as such one is forced to deal with it. Slowly it's chipping away my ability retain myself...

Guess what if I was a neighbour who was way more unstable then I am now... I'm quite sure there would've been cases of upset people who harmed neighbours kids. Yes, I'd get in trouble over it, and that's what's holding me back presumably. I don't know if "accept it" is going to cut it in the long run. "short term" obviously... long term, I don't know.

With this also comes an outlook on life. I'm sure that if I was really interested in having kids I'd be more mellow about it. But I can't deal with kids. I don't hate them enough to harm them, but to be honest it leaves me quite cold. The same goes for animals. I have no pets, and I don't understand why a barking dog should intrude my hearing and my moment of quiet. There's a reason why pets in general aren't allowed in appartment buildings for a big part. And again here... we accept it. What if there's this same unstable person who will kick down the door if the occupant is at work and actually kill that dog to shut it up. Reasonable, no... but in a way, an effective way of resolving an issue since no one will fix it either way. These things happen.

So, with this, comes the big point of "complaining"... when is something a valid complaint, and if it is a valid complaint, can it be fixed within reasonable standards? I don't think that "accepting" is a reasonable way to resolve it. If I have to accept a pet making noises, why couldn't my neighbour accept and respect the demand for peace and quiet in my own home?

Oh, and let's not forget the social aspect. If I complain, I'm the only one. Because pets are fun, and kids are accepted. Well, I call it BS, but since I'm the minority I have to deal with it. The biggest problem with "accepting" things as a minority is, that in the same case I'm probably a minority who is aware of this situation. Not wanting kids or pets on my behalf is a conscious choice, whereas some people put only that much weight in choosing if they want pets, kids or whatnot. So how am I a fair minority? Becoming a minority by simply not falling for "monkey see, monkey do"/peerpressure or whatever you want to call it (at least not in all cases... I'm not calling myself totally independant of whatever someone is doing.. I'm no hipster, lol), is hardly a fair way of becoming a minority. If you choose to be part of a group I feel it should be based on conscious choices... heck I'd be all for people taking parenthood exams, as well as pet exams to see if they are at least in theory, fit to own such things. Intrusive in what people can and can't do... yes, totally, but if not, you're being intrusive on my behalf for something I don't want to be part of.

A final thought; no I don't feel that moving is the solution. Chances are you move and you have a similar situation. Perhaps something like this should be factored in when people look for a place to live. I'm quite sure that some people might think "you're claiming things to be your rights, which they aren't". Well, what are my rights? What are my duties that come with those rights? And what are peoples duties and rights towards me? It's never my right to punch someone in the face, but at some point we're hiding behind what our rights are just because we don't want to resolve an issue.

No, I don't condone harming people or animals in any way, just to make that clear. Don't get worked up over it.

But seriously, 2 playing kids and this is the rant I have going on mentally...

 

[NeverEnder]

I will not go into details, but I am a prisoner in an apartment building of noise. Literally. IT DOES NOT STOP and the culprits... little kids.

IT drives me literally crazy sometimes. We have asked nicely for the noise to be controlled but the single mother (Who keeps having babies, by the way, without a Father ever in the picture) says "I can't do anything about it." I am SO mad at her.

I am being forced to move to a new apartment (Hopefully soon) due to this. She has like 4-5 kids and their constant running and yelling on my ceiling (Their floor) constantly overwhelms my Aspie senses and really upsets me.

</End Rant>

 

[Gomendosi]

Have you ever noticed complaining a lot more than anyone else, are you actually complaining or simply making observations?

Mmmm, a pattern is forming and I am sane after all, Aspies don’t complain in the traditional sense.
If what I am seeing here is any indication:
Generally we tell all about things that make us uncomfy so we can see if that is just us or everyone else as well.
We make observations and report and what we see, which are the things most people tend to gloss over or ignore as an "I can’t do anything about it, why bother" scenario.
We try to explain things we find odd/ confusing or difficult to people so we aren’t taken as strange, but that is then taken as complaining because who does that?

We do, Aspergical persons do!

To address what King_Oni and NeverEnder are saying, I think that is more about a lack of respect for your fellow man and the need to be pulled into line on their part, I agree that if somebody is running rampant all over the place at all hours with excessive noise levels then they obviously have no respect for anybody else within earshot.
In Australia the law states that you can make as much noise as you want in a residential area up to and including the decibel level of industrial machinery, but only between certain hours (which I think is 7am to 10pm. Not certain) my personal view is that most gearheads mufflers contravene this law at any hour; there are some children's voices that go against it as well.
Trouble is as I said before, most people have learned to adjust to this type of thing and hence they block it out from their own range of what’s annoying/ acceptable and what isn’t, so if we mention it (and I do... A lot) then we are seen to be complaining about something deemed as natural or 'normal'.

 

[Paroxysm]

Not just you, described me in a nutshell, and it has nothing to do with just a victim complex either. Would prefer to go by my own (weak) strength but alas.... it's not enough.... yet.

 

[Biblio-Love]

My husband says I complain a lot, but I say "I'm just telling you about my day." But it annoys him so I try not to. I think I am sharing, but I can appreciate that he finds it all too negative. I mostly just keep my mouth shut now or I use humour to voice my concerns. I still complain about noise though, because if it continues I'll have a meltdown and nobody wants that!