Mistakes

[EricD]

Is intolerance for your own mistakes an Aspie thing? I absolutely HATE making mistakes! It happens, because I'm not perfect, but I have an instant and intense reaction when I make a mistake. Could someone shed light on this for me?

 

[DogwoodTree]

Definitely an aspie thing, though not exclusive to aspies. We tend to be very performance-oriented, which comes from having a practical-focused mindset. So when we mess that up, it's really hard to handle. Tony Attwood talks about this a lot. We've gotta learn to be more gentle with ourselves and see mistakes as opportunities to learn.

 

[Nitro]

Wisdom comes from experience. Experience comes from making mistakes.

A mistake is valuable information if a lesson is learned from it.

Try not to be so hard on yourself

 

[EricD]

That sounds like a cross between Spock & Yoda! I appreciate it very much, but sometimes it's over & over again, and I can't tolerate it.

 

[On the Inside]

I've had this problem as long as I can remember. I think it has guided me towards things that I am interested in or good at, and avoid things that I struggle with, to avoid making mistakes. However, it hasn't shielded me from making mistakes, (life throws those opportunities at us non-stop) and when I do, I am pretty hard on myself, but learning to be easier on me.

 

[On the Inside]

Yeah, I hear you, Eric. I've made the same mistakes over and over in certain areas. There is definitely some block to learning from mistakes at work, but I can't seem to identify it. I do know that there are some things that get me anxious, and getting worked up about things will cause mistakes. Then there are things that I "just don't care about" or "don't have time for" where I will take short cuts that inevitably come back to haunt me.

 

[EricD]

Geez, if I didn't know any better, I'd think you were ME!! Two of me, that's a scary proposition!!!

 

[EricD]

For me, the worst is a mishit golf shot. I have 11 straight Regional & 3 straight State titles, not to mention the Silver at the USA Games. I know how to hit a golf ball! When I jack up a swing, it drives me nuts!

 

[On the Inside]

Just don't throw your club.

I was playing with friends in high school, one of them was a bit hot headed. By hole 4 he was already losing it. Chipping onto the green, he way overshot and threw his club in disgust, nearly hitting one of us. We made him stop playing, he just had to walk along with us.

 

[DogwoodTree]

sometimes it's over & over again, and I can't tolerate it.

Not sure if this will help you at all, but my therapist has been teaching me mindfulness skills. It's made a difference. There are times it doesn't cut through the chaos inside, but that rarely has to do with my mistakes anymore. Usually it's more sensory overload or being extremely worried and stressed over a future event. But making a mistake? I can pause long enough to acknowledge the anxiety and frustration, and then see around it to what I can learn, or at least recognize that the world isn't falling apart (I'm not that powerful, for my little mistake to bring down the whole world, lol).

 

[Suzanne]

Would know that ie aspie thing, but heck YES that is so me! It shocked me actually when I realised it is related to being a perfectionist; shock because I am not very good at much.

I feel an absolute fool and want to immediately escape; I try to reason that it is going to happen and even hear and see others making mistakes, but it does not make me feel any better. Stunts me from achieving many things, because of the dead of making mistakes.

 

[wyverary]

I think it's a human thing, and something we all have to learn. I've made more mistakes than I can count, but I've learned to live with them and view them as a learning experience. I don't think I'd be where I am at now if I didn't hold such a perspective. It requires a lot of coping mechanisms, however, and maybe I've benefited from good therapy and counseling.

 

[Southern Discomfort]

What kind of mistakes are we talking about here, are we talking about situations where we've wronged others or performance wise? Because I definitely feel the former, I constantly remind myself of the bad things I've done replaying them in my mind - ruminating on them, it provokes my tics thinking about these memories. It really isn't good for my mental health, and I try so hard to stop doing this.

 

[Jonathan Lees]

i definitely thinking not tolerating mistakes/ perfectionism is definitely an aspie thing, saying that many people are like this, furthermore i think it can be a positive as well as a negative. i am pretty good at coping with mistakes generally but i struggle a lot with social mistakes, this is because i feel helpless and like its out of my control due to Asperger's and i get angry that for me it is not natural like it is with everyone else.

 

[Nitro]

Seeking perfection is quite well an aspie thing. Obsessing over a mistake may be,but I beg to differ with that part of the topic. I was a very successful mechanical engineer and manufacturer during my career that made plenty of mistakes along the way.After a mistake was noted,a followup was done to correct the mistake. Had I let failure rule my world,I would have not been able to perform my tasks that were presented to me. This autie sought perfection to the best of his abilities,not let failure consume him.

 

[SingaSong]

I hate making mistakes and I rerun them in my head a lot. This includes both recently made mistakes and ones from long ago. It is one of the things that causes meltdown for me. I have been able to hold down a job due to the way I react to mistakes.

 

[clg114]

I have been around for a long time and have made a lot of mistakes. That is just part of the learning process. You learn from your mistakes and move on. What upsets me is my clutseyness (new word?) I am very, very clumsy. I constantly drop things, trip over things (including my own feet ), hit my head and do clumsy things. I really like sports and have tried a few, with out much success. I am just to clumsy. I work on a lot of machinery and drop tools into never-never land all the time. Then I have to spend a lot of time locating and retrieving them. I have always been this way and always will be this way. That just drives me crazy (crazier?).

 

[On the Inside]

That is just part of the learning process. You learn from your mistakes and move on.

That seems to be the trouble that many here are conveying. Learning and moving on. Maybe it stems from obsessive compulsive behavior. Sticking to one way of doing things will tend to limit one's perspective and flexibility, thus learning from one's mistakes could be limited. Thinking about past mistakes, repeatedly, and continuing to react emotionally to them is going to effect one's performance going forward.

 

[EricD]

Thanks, it's just repeated goofy little mistakes, but it drives me bonkers! I appreciate the encouragement, I need it!

 

[On the Inside]

Goofy mistakes, life altering mistakes, what's the difference?