Misogyny

[Rocco]

I believe there are some deeply disturbed misogynists that pollute this forum weekly with their “woe is me” posts about how women are the problem.

It’s DISGUSTING to me and I do not see any rational reason for the nastiness. We have young members here, being exposed to folks with an openly aggressive stance towards women.

I believe catering to trash like misogynistic members here is and will be the downfall of fall of this site. I remember when this place was pleasant and friendly. It was called Aspie Central. The open acceptance of misogyny and perpetual negativity from some members is a sad thing. There are two members here that consistently whine and cry about how hard their life is, repeatedly bashing and blaming women for all their problems. Their faults and shortcomings have been pointed out over and over yet they are too blind or lack the intelligence to understand that THEY ARE THE PROBLEM. They make the same type of posts over and over. At least come up with some new material instead of repeating the same self pity posts over and over and over, then again a few dozen more times. We have bad apples here and continually allow them to pollute this place with their rotten sentiments.

We all have the choice to be the change we want to see in the world, or allow businesses as usual. I would recommend we stop allowing misogynistic threads, stop hate towards women, and stop allowing a mentally disturbed echo chamber for clueless immature folks.

WAKE UP

Edited to remove the phrase “incels” from a sentence.

 

[Raggamuffin]

Agreed - it's difficult to read their frequent posts, and deluge of negativity.

Mind you, I find that very few posts on this forum are uplifting these days. I understand that it's a safe space for many to vent, and share their struggles and issues; but I've found I took a step back as it's quite emotionally draining.

They'll continue with their victim mindset though - being angry and overgeneralizing, and any noteworthy advice given to them will be twisted into the victim mindset of feeling like they're being picked on for supposedly speaking the "truth."

No helping such people until they help themselves. Although I fear in this day and age, many people want the internet to serve as an echo chamber for their way of thinking - and anything or anyone who goes against their beliefs will be blocked out, or accused of being vindictive or wrong for daring to question their beliefs.

Sure, you might have years of bad experiences with people - but the one constant in all these interactions with people is the person themselves. Thus, if a myriad of different people are reacting to them in a certain way; that strongly indicates where the fault lies.

Of course, it's easier to blame other people, as it relinquishes a person of any responsiblity to look at themselves and change.

Ed

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I agree you cannot help those who are not willing to help themselves, Being on the spectrum is difficult, In my case I had no idea, until married raised family. Life is a maze that can be transversed, I have seen many other's on the spectrum get through this maze, have to think outside the box.

 

[NB79]

I don't think i criticized much women so no problem for me, but anyway the word incel, is derogatory for men, by society standards a lot of autistics are incels, because they can't find relationships, you would call misogynistic calling autistic women femcel?

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

The world has changed in the last few years, just see population collapsing. Both sexes are at odds with each other.
menopause in the next 5 to 10 years should be a game changer.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

My response to this is a bit more tempered. I see both sides.
1. Since the dawn of our species there have been males and females that for any number of reasons, will never pass on their genetics. This is reality. Life is not fair, equitable, or equal. Never was, never will be, nor should it be.
2. Blaming others for one's own shortcomings, becoming angry and frustrated, is also part of the ugly truth of it. Both men and women will sometimes do this.
3. Some men and some women are toxic individuals. Plain and simple.
4. You cannot take your experience with "some" and then paint "all" with the same brush.

 

[Metalhead]

There always is the ignore function. I use it very rarely, but I find it can make the board more appealing to me.

 

[AutisticMilly]

I agree with all the sentiments in your post. I wish there was something that could be done about this behavior by the mods. Being autistic and having trouble forming relationships is one thing, but talking down to women is just not acceptable. These people make the forum a worse place!

 

[Tom]

I've seen the same problems but the only solution I came up with is adding those persons I find disturbing or severely repetitive is adding them to my ignore list. One of the difficulties in handling it otherwise is the idea that this site is a place for people with autism to express their thoughts, emotions and traumas, a thing one can't do easily elsewhere. My beef with these individuals is not that they express troubling subjects, but that they take advantage of the situation to do so over and over - some literally for years. But I imagine it would be hard for mods to find clear grounds for dealing with it (ie banning) based on repetition alone. My own guideline is to try and respond genuinely once, but if the poster repeats the same again anew to ignore it. I don't envy the Mods in this situation at all and know I would never be able to do the job they do.

Also I know personally I have had bad periods in my 10 years here. One in particular of excessive snarky-ness. Something I corrected with a little Mod prodding. So it feels important that others have a chance to turn things around too.

Perhaps the only suggestion (and its pretty weak) I have is to make a certain sub forum the place where all harsh, excessive, repetitive threads are highlighted (buried). An 'Abandon all hope ye who enter here' kind of place. Its funny but before here when I was on WP which was my first autism forum a kind of opposite condition existed. In every place and sub-forum it was sort of anything goes, sometimes salicious. And a bunch of us fought very hard to keep just one sub-forum free of it and polite/understanding. Compared to that I think here is still a very friendly and civil alternative.

 

[Rodafina]

Metalhead and Tom bring up a good reminder that every member has the ability to "ignore" any specific user and will no longer see their content. If anyone needs help figuring out how to do that, please feel free to PM me and I can help.

Also, I would encourage anyone who has concerns to use the "Report" function to bring problematic posts to the attention of staff. When you report a post, you include a message to staff with your concerns. You are also welcome to send a PM to staff to address any issues you have with the site or the moderation process.

 

[Gerontius]

Right on.

There is a difference between supportiveness, and hugboxing.

 

[Misty Avich]

I think people should feel free to express themselves here without being attacked for it. Like others have pointed out, there is an ignore feature here for a reason. If you're one to become offended by any negative posts then use it.

 

[honeytoast]

I think everyone has a right to vent about their relationships, regardless of how they identify. Autism is stacked against us for pretty much... everything. Trying to socialize the 'proper' way is already a difficulty; trying to find love is a whole other complex issue. Sometimes when we vent, we are blunt and honest, and of course that is going to be misinterpreted by fellow autistics/aspies. We convey our frustration and emotions with raw honesty. Name-calling lonely men incels doesn't help either. It throws back more mud. But I understand the frustration of why OP is saying that since they're upset.

Sometimes people just want to vent without wanting to have people give them a solution to their problems, and that's fine as well. It's good to let out their emotions and not bottle them up. I think that sometimes we just might not realize that, even the OP of a thread. (Not saying OP as in this thread, but in other threads) If that makes any sense?

I find that it becomes a problem when it's just constant attacks. There are solutions offered but it gets ignored because the solution is not 'nice'. It's a lot of hard work, looking at oneself, and some brutal truths. If you have been told multiple times that what you are saying is misogynistic, then I think you probably harbor misgnostic thoughts. You can't label every single woman bad or have negative qualities because you've had rough dealings with them. (And no, I am not saying that women are only good.)

There is a lot of belittling and random things thrown around that aren't true. It's honestly kind of exhausting to see the whole "women bad" posts. Like, yeah of course you can ignore it and let it be. You don't need to engage, but is ignoring it going to make the core problem go away?

If it's become such an issue that it warrants a post like this, then I think it should be looked into a bit.

I'm not the best at expressing my thoughts so sorry if this is jumbled.

 

[Misty Avich]

I guess the paradox sneaks into it, where one side will argue to ignore the offending threads, while the other side will argue to ignore any personal attacks made against them for creating the offending threads.

In fact in the last 3-4 years I've noticed that interacting online on forums is becoming more and more a tangle of paradoxes, kafkatraps, and tit for tat, being made like users are at war with each other over what we can and can't say. When I first joined another autism forum back in 2010 it didn't seem to be like this. You could practically say anything you wanted and people didn't become so offended. Or if they did then only one person would say then move on.
These days I've noticed that if you say one thing that others don't agree with you could end up paying for it for all eternity, and sometimes it turns to bullying or targeting, just because you don't support the same ideas as them.

I find it all exhausting, and if I wasn't so addicted to this site then I'd give up coming on forums completely.

 

[Misery]

Mind you, I find that very few posts on this forum are uplifting these days. I understand that it's a safe space for many to vent, and share their struggles and issues; but I've found I took a step back as it's quite emotionally draining.

I've had this exact thought as well... many times... but at the same time, a second thought occurs to me:

For those of us wishing this place was more positive... why arent we posting the positive topics ourselves? I dont mean just topics like "wow here's this fun thing I found". I mean stuff like maybe sharing tips we've learned about conversing with others, or other autism-related things.

I have no easy answer to that, but when I think about my own behavior, it's like... starting a conversation/topic outright is hard, always hard.

But even if that's hard, maybe it's something to think about doing more anyway. I mean, dont get me wrong: I mostly agree with the sentiment of the thread here. Heck, I got agitated about just such a thing on here... this morning, I think it was?

But still, we could put in the effort to make a change here.

This absolutely includes myself as well. After so many years of therapy I've learned a lot and improved a lot, why aint I sharing it more? There's stuff I could be writing about, and I dont got much excuse not to, I never shut up as it is.

I dunno, I think it's maybe just something to ponder a bit. I mean, right now, new people coming here probably mostly just see a darned sad place, considering the nature of what greets them on the opening topic list. But it doesnt have to be that way. Support isnt JUST responding to things, after all.


I apologize if I sound awkward or something here, I've been awake for 10 minutes.

 

[Jonn]

My response to this is a bit more tempered. I see both sides.

Agreed.

1. Since the dawn of our species there have been males and females that for any number of reasons, will never pass on their genetics. This is reality. Life is not fair, equitable, or equal. Never was, never will be, nor should it be.

Absolutely.

2. Blaming others for one's own shortcomings, becoming angry and frustrated, is also part of the ugly truth of it. Both men and women will sometimes do this.

Indeed.

3. Some men and some women are toxic individuals. Plain and simple.

Never a truer word has been said.

4. You cannot take your experience with "some" and then paint "all" with the same brush.

You can, if you lack reason/rationality.

 

[Jonn]

There always is the ignore function. I use it very rarely, but I find it can make the board more appealing to me.

Many ppl ignore the ignore function, and prefer to complain instead.
Personally, I think it can be a bit of a power/control game.

Within reason, I am against censorship, period.
Don't like the channel?
Switch to another one or switch it off entirely.

Personally, I think there is a place for ranting/venting.
Outright hate speech, well, that is a different kettle of fish altogether.

 

[Jonn]

I agree with all the sentiments in your post. I wish there was something that could be done about this behavior by the mods. Being autistic and having trouble forming relationships is one thing, but talking down to women is just not acceptable. These people make the forum a worse place!

Put them on ignore.

 

[Jonn]

I've seen the same problems but the only solution I came up with is adding those persons I find disturbing or severely repetitive is adding them to my ignore list.

Simples.
But I simply skip over the posts instead.
I have no one on ignore.

One of the difficulties in handling it otherwise is the idea that this site is a place for people with autism to express their thoughts, emotions and traumas, a thing one can't do easily elsewhere.

Being able to vent can be an emotional release.

My own guideline is to try and respond genuinely once, but if the poster repeats the same again anew to ignore it.

If I recognise I am going to wast my time trying to get a "horse" to drink that doesn't want to, I simply accept it is pointless, shrug, and leave them to it.
"Their life, their choice." <shrug>

Perhaps the only suggestion (and its pretty weak) I have is to make a certain sub forum the place where all harsh, excessive, repetitive threads are highlighted (buried). An 'Abandon all hope ye who enter here' kind of place.

On the other website, there was a "Rant" section.
Do we have one here?

 

[NB79]

I don't say this from the op i am not accusing anyone but, just having old normal traditional moral values, gets you called all sorts of phobic and what not, or banned from forums, if you start to express them.