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Meadowhall Freakout

C

Chris

Guest
My girlfriend has aspergers and i thought i'd write about a little experience we had one time at meadowhall (for those of you who don't know, meadowhall is a fairly large shopping centre in England).

We go to meadowhall quite often, since we have a lot of free time, though this time was a little different since it was the school holidays. We were going to see Michael Jackson's (RIP) documentry film with clips from his rehearsals that were leading up to his sold out 'This is it' final tour. It was myself, Willow, her mum and her little brother Harry (who also has aspergers) that was going to see it, and the day was going absolutely fine until shortly after the film ended. The cinema wasn't too crowded, we were expecting it to be completely sold out, but it was almost empty. The film was awesome, i really wished i could have gotten round to seeing it a second time in the cinema, but somebody didn't want to go.. (Hi willow :) ). Anyhow, we had a few errands to run after the film and although this isn't a trait directly linked with aspergers, Willow does have public anxiety issues (she hates crowded places) to some extent. I think she was dehydrated and really needed a drink. Me and Willow were on her own since her mum and brother had gone off into a shop... she literally just sat on the floor and was freaking out. It was crowded, it was hot etc all the things she hates. There wasn't a lot i could do. I definately wasn't about to leave her, we needed to get out of there ideally, we weren't far from the doors, but we couldn't just leave since her mum and brother were still in the shop. I stayed with her, trying to calm her down the best i could. The sad thing is, everybody seemed to ignore her, apart from a couple of people that stopped and got a drink of water from a shop for us... +respect to them. After an age, Willow's mum and brother returned, so i was able to disappear and bring the car round to the doors we were near. It sucked, i'd parked on the opposite side of the shopping centre, but things started going uphill when we were all back in the car on the way home. :)

What can i say? If somebody is freaking out, i suggest you never leave them alone. A drink of water is always a good thing and the best thing to do if possible is to remove them from the situation which is causing the discomfort in the first place. Willow is becoming a lot better with any public anxiety issues she has, which is great. :)
 
I still struggle with crowded places like Meadowhall. What I like to do in a crowded place is to take regular breaks to stop me getting stressed. To help me to get over this my mum takes me to places like to town on a saturday and if I found it stressful I would give her a hint i.e. grab her arm so she knows that I want to get out
 
Music helps me stay calm if i'm on my own... anywhere. :) Used to be great on the way to/from school.

Willow has gotten so much better over the last few months, its great. :D
 
In those sorts of situations, it may be helpful to temporarily "remove" what is causing the panic. Clearly, you can't remove the crowded space from where the person you're with is, and I'm don't think Willow would want extra attention to be drawn to her meltdown if being in a crowded space is what's causing it. If she'll allow you to (some people will allow this, some won't), it might be best to take her by the hand and lead her to a quieter, less crowded space until she calms down a bit, and wait until she's ready before going back. Sometimes she may not let you, and sometimes this is impractical (I often suggest a bathroom, but unless you have unisex bathrooms in that mall, this may not be a good solution for you two), but ideally, this may make it easier for her to get through it and go back to feeling okay.

I don't know Willow, but sometimes it helps to have some space when you're having a meltdown, and sometimes it helps to have someone hold you really, really tight. I don't know what Willow prefers, but I can tell you that for me it tends to be situational--it may be the same for her, or not.
 
Same with the music thing.
I do it AT school though. So I can pretend I didn't hear the person trying talk to me.
Then they notice I just don't want to talk to them when they get in my face and rip my ear phones out and I still act like I can't hear them...
Yeah...
I suck at faking things.
LOL.
I've tried being upfront and saying, 'Look, I don't like you, you just want to mock me, I don't want to talk to you, f' off', but, that didn't really work neither.
Yeah.
That was off-topic. LOL.
But yeah.
Music=win.
I just noticed how many times I've used, 'Yeah'... xD.
EMZ=]
 
I can handle crowds OK when i'm in a place that's familiar to me like a shopping centre that I visit regularly. I have to say though that I don't think the shopping centres were I live (Northern Ireland) are anywhere near the size of those in the mainland. The biggest i've been to in England would be the Trafford Centre in Manchester - that was freakin' huge. Having said that though, I was doing some clothes shopping last Saturday and the shop was so crowded I couldn't focus on getting what I came for. I had an idea of what I wanted to buy and knew were to get it, but the place was so crowded I just wanted to get out. I can't stand it when you're in a shop or place and you can't get moving to the area that you want to be. So I ended up going back to the same shop on Wednesday and it was nearly empty which was perfect for me. 
 
Sometimes what happens earlier is what leads to the meltdown, and not what is happening at the time OF the meltdown. I remember being in Astronomy class at uni and getting a lower grade than I had hoped on my exam. I stayed after class and talked to proff, but it wasn't really satisfactory.
I was late for lunch, and I realized I needed to stop by the grocery to get some soup and sandwich makings and somewhere in the market I just sat down on the floor in the aisle and contemplated the seeming ridiculousness of being hungry and a little faint but I still had to find the soup, buy the soup, carry the soup home and then prepare it before I could do what could 'fix' me (i.e. EAT) and it just seemed like too much work. Tears, banging my heels on the floor crying in rhythmic "uh" "uh" "uh" grunts. Not pretty. (I still remember the little stock boy peering around the fruit display, watching me)

I think we process our feelings of distress differently (like watching MJ's final performances must have been) and dehydration, sensory overload and personal sadness would surely trip my trigger for me.
 
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