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Love and how to express it

Songbird72

Active Member
Hi there,

I had a question for everyone.

My childhood friend and I recently started talking again. He has told me that he has asperger's syndrome. I am not on the spectrum, so I have done a lot of research to try and understand it as I would love to see this relationship grow to the next level.

My question is, how do you tell someone with asperger's that you love them? We have been sharing romantic songs back and fourth, but I really want to express my feelings to him. I am asking for help cause I don't want to screw anything up with him. Any tips would be appreciated.

Thanks!
 
Best to be upfront about it, otherwise the declaration of love may just whoosh right over his head. I've heard "I love you" or "I'm interested in you" work a charm. ;)
 
Tell him exactly what he means to you. Be very explicit. Don't assume anything is understood. If you use the word "love," be sure to define it since people use it differently.
 
I feel like I'm not qualified to give any sort of relationship advice, but I'm going to try anyway.

The above answers are all good. Guys tend to be a bit thick on picking up on things like that. But much more so for an aspie. Be up front with him an tell him. Myself I might not pick up on something like that if the girl were any less subtle than a monster truck, unless it was over a long period of time. Considering you are both Neuro-typical and female, I feel like you should have a decent gauge as to how he would likely react.
 
Thank you for the replies.

Wouldn't a blunt "I love you" scare him away though?
no i like it ,its how you say it ,if you are not saying it unconditionally then we pick up on tension more than n.t's.
I'm like an orchid need very strict conditions for happiness: quiet environment ,sunshine dont like humidity, different from an orchid ,love comfort- cotton is king or real silk but I wouldn't wear it now as silk production is immoral .
a place to be alone to rest ,I get quickly exhausted from human conversation
 
Thank you for the replies.

Wouldn't a blunt "I love you" scare him away though?

It might, it might not. Blunt, to the point and non-complicated is generally the way most on the spectrum function (not all though) so this would be the best way to get your feelings across. We're all different despite sharing a diagnosis, and what works for one person won't work for another. Unfortunately ASD is not a cookie cutter diagnosis and there is no sort of blanket way of dealing with us.
 
Hang the rules and courtship rituals and any other reserved, society "norm"
If you feel love in the very fibres of your being about this person, be direct and honest.
Whether or not it's reciprocated in the way you expect is another story altogether. Doesn't necessarily mean they don't feel the same way, just means there are billions of different ways love can be expressed in a relationship.
 
In the simplest terms, "I love you." Each of us are different and react to different things differently, so there's no "special formula" when it comes to expressing love toward an Aspie. Frankly, I can't recall the last time someone actually said that to me, romantically or otherwise.

I love you ( or otherwise)
 
When my now husband first told me that he had fallen in love with me, I said: how is that possible? We have only just started to date?

I felt an obligation after that.

Leave it for a while and see how things go, because if he feels love for you, he will say.
 
We are all different and individual and unique. Many aspies express "love" through actions over emotions.

Are you empathic?
 
Hang the rules and courtship rituals and any other reserved, society "norm"
If you feel love in the very fibres of your being about this person, be direct and honest.
Whether or not it's reciprocated in the way you expect is another story altogether. Doesn't necessarily mean they don't feel the same way, just means there are billions of different ways love can be expressed in a relationship.

This is such an important point. His response may not be what you expect and it may not reflect how he feels. Don't be discouraged. It may take him a little time to accurately express his emotions.
 
When my now husband first told me that he had fallen in love with me, I said: how is that possible? We have only just started to date?

I felt an obligation after that.

Leave it for a while and see how things go, because if he feels love for you, he will say.

I wouldn't be completely confident he will say if he has love for her. He may be very shy or afraid of being rejected or she doesn't feel the same way. Some people may lose the chance with the love of their life that way.
 
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also i cant describe emotion anymore he maybe the same
i say it not very often to me I'm better with just being with somebody or giving gifts i seem to comprehend that but I'm vvv stressed that blocks out emotions apart from negative ones .
I wouldn't be completely confident he will say if he has love for her. He may be very shy or afraid of being rejected or she doesn't feel the same way. Some people may lose the chance with the love of their life that way.
 
Hi there,

I had a question for everyone.

My childhood friend and I recently started talking again. He has told me that he has asperger's syndrome. I am not on the spectrum, so I have done a lot of research to try and understand it as I would love to see this relationship grow to the next level.

My question is, how do you tell someone with asperger's that you love them? We have been sharing romantic songs back and fourth, but I really want to express my feelings to him. I am asking for help cause I don't want to screw anything up with him. Any tips would be appreciated.

Thanks!
 
Well being an Aspie myself I would be totally amazed and touched...

Because the thought that somebody would like/love me, and to actually hear it, would be akin to worship.

Worship of ME.

So yes, scored high right there.

But the prob I'd have is, I'd need to hear that on repeat pretty often.

If you're gonna say it, I'd recommend a back up plan.

A dictophone.
 
Hi there,

I had a question for everyone.

My childhood friend and I recently started talking again. He has told me that he has asperger's syndrome. I am not on the spectrum, so I have done a lot of research to try and understand it as I would love to see this relationship grow to the next level.

My question is, how do you tell someone with asperger's that you love them? We have been sharing romantic songs back and fourth, but I really want to express my feelings to him. I am asking for help cause I don't want to screw anything up with him. Any tips would be appreciated.

Thanks!
In simple terms, when you spend time together and realise that you have those feelings for each other, then just tell him...hes only human after all just like you and I! Just adding my advice, good luck!
 
Again, thank you for all the helpful replies.

I have told him and his reaction was more than I imagined it would be. Very positive and loving. Although he didn't say it back to me, I know he feels it. I don't and won't push him. He seems to prefer to send me messages through songs....and that's perfectly ok with me.

Anyway, wanted to give an update. :)
 

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