Look but don't touch.

[Tony Ramirez]

Is that how your life seems like having Asperger's ASD. Your afraid to say the wrong thing when talking to people.

It is like living in a fish bowl where you see people doing things that seems impossible for you. Going back to if you try to do what others do you are shamed. Or if you margenly succeed like making friends something bad happens like they coupleaup or lose interest in and ou slowly lose it all. Then your back to square one being lonely.

Then you are known to always have a negative attitude but they don't understand.

 

[All-Rounder]

A lot of the time and now mostly with new strangers, but im trying to change.

 

[Aspychata]

This title had me scratching my head. It made me think about someone l drool over. lol. Like he told me, look all you want but don't touch me.

I can honestly say if l knew you, l would be your friend. You seem pretty neat to me. You suffer all the fears we all go through, yet you are multitasking who has your favorite color polo shirt. You express your vulnerability yet keep us updated on the latest colors we should consider.☺ You are okay in my book. Friends come and go, just like polo shirt colors. Just loosen up a bit more. You are doing great.

My guy wears a pink polo shirt, and l swoon. l discombulate and then l just admire.

 

[tree]

@Aspychata
The title "Look but don't touch" made me think
of what people say to small children.

 

[Thinx]

Yes I see what you mean, it can be a struggle to cope with the challenges of fitting in to NT social ways and customs, and baffling. I do think you would be happier with some regular interest groups to attend, or leisure classes, as these give opportunities to be social, but are also fulfilling in themselves. But at present, Covid is making such things less available.

Having one or two good friends is helpful, do you feel supported by your friends? I know you are part of a church from what you have said, and that you like to socialise with other church people. I must admit I do not try to socialise at events any more, I do find that hard and usually the people are not people I would see elsewhere.

 

[Jumpback]

Is that how your life seems like having Asperger's ASD. Your afraid to say the wrong thing when talking to people.

It is like living in a fish bowl where you see people doing things that seems impossible for you. Going back to if you try to do what others do you are shamed. Or if you margenly succeed like making friends something bad happens like they coupleaup or lose interest in and ou slowly lose it all. Then your back to square one being lonely.

Then you are known to always have a negative attitude but they don't understand.

It’s hopeless trying to explain anything to people, especially women, because women, just are far less sympathetic to men, especially ASD men, because they are programmed to believe that saying the wrong things or an inappropriate shoulder touch is horrific sexual harassment which must be punished according to social rules, and women tend to feel little sympathy towards straight men who get sexually assaulted by gay men because gay men are no threat to them and they cannot put themselves in the guys position, but gay men are women’s allies as well as the absolute social movement of the moment.

Women actually tend to hang up on a clueless guy who just says or does the wrong thing, then gang up on a guy who gets sexually assaulted by gay men because they can not put themselves in the position of the heterosexual man.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I have a few friends I keep in touch at Church.

What I mean is look don't touch if your walking down the street or at someplace it's like if you do anything you will be shamed and rejected so it's better just to look at the normals doing there thing but don't dare interact with them.

 

[Nervous Rex]

Is that how your life seems like having Asperger's ASD. Your afraid to say the wrong thing when talking to people.

It is like living in a fish bowl where you see people doing things that seems impossible for you. Going back to if you try to do what others do you are shamed.

I started that way. I could tell you so many stories where I learned painful, embarrassing lessons about what works socially and what doesn't:

• Racist jokes are great among the rednecks I grew up around, but they don't fly at college.
• Inside jokes are only funny if you’re in the group - you can't use an inside joke to get in the group.
• Young guys insult each other but know that they're still friends - insulting people doesn't work if you're not already good friends with them.
• Sarcasm only works if the other person knows you well enough and is accustomed to sarcasm.
• People like a few smart-alecky comments here and there, but if you do it too much, people don't like you.

I could go on and on.

I started making lists of rules for what works and what doesn't - what gets me accepted and what gets me smacked down.

Then I found one rule that always works: Be kind. It works in every situation, in every context, at home, at work, with strangers, and with friends.

I often have to remind myself before I go out, when I enter a social group, when I drive ... "Be kind." When I have a choice of different things to say or do, I choose the kinder one.

Following that rule has never failed me.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I tried the whole church groups and events and any happeness then was ruined by Covid. But even when I was at those events I had that feeling of look don't touch. However social interaction is harder to avoid in smaller groups but when they ask those small talk questions you feel like you don't want to say the wrong thing.

 

[Mia]

It’s hopeless trying to explain anything to people, especially women, because women, just are far less sympathetic to men, especially ASD men, because they are programmed to believe that saying the wrong things or an inappropriate shoulder touch is horrific sexual harassment which must be punished according to social rules, and women tend to feel little sympathy towards straight men who get sexually assaulted by gay men because gay men are no threat to them and they cannot put themselves in the guys position, but gay men are women’s allies as well as the absolute social movement of the moment.

Women can be sympathetic to other people, and very often men. I'm married for a long time to someone with ASD and he does and says the 'wrong thing'. I'm used to it, and I care about him a great deal. Or I would not be with him.

You are creating sweeping generalizations here that are specific to you that you pretty much mention it in every post. It might be a good idea if you can manage to get some therapy related to sexual assault. Few people here can help you with this.

You've mentioned that gay men are women's allies. Not always. Some gay men dislike and even hate women in general, and others can possibly be friends. I'm sorry about what happened to you Jumpback, you really need proper therapy for this, an internet site for aspies is not the place to find it.

 

[Jumpback]

Is that how your life seems like having Asperger's ASD. Your afraid to say the wrong thing when talking to people.

It is like living in a fish bowl where you see people doing things that seems impossible for you. Going back to if you try to do what others do you are shamed. Or if you margenly succeed like making friends something bad happens like they coupleaup or lose interest in and ou slowly lose it all. Then your back to square one being lonely.

Then you are known to always have a negative attitude but they don't understand.

Straightforwardly, there are lonely women of the appropriate age who may be interested in you, you just have to locate them and get past all the complicated puzzles to get to them because they are also complying with social expectations

But these women who are just looking for a nice guy and who might be willing to be tolerant do exist

I know these sweet catholic girls exist because my ex-girlfriend was one of them, it's just that these inconvenient things which were judged to be "hate" where the positions of her friends and family who considered me to be evil due to me being a victim of sexual assaults and manipulations and endless consequences as a result of victim blaming and I lost her over nonsense which I consider to be hate against me for being a victim of homosexual assaults at a time where such realities are not acceptable, which girlfriend who was best man at her gay friends wedding and whose friends were all gat advocates could not fathom.

 

[Mia]

But, see, I see assumptions and judgments of me as hate mongering gay, gay advocates and liberal gay adocatew as having no interest in me and just judging and punishing me with endless accusations of go terrible or flawedI am for most obvious sexual assault imaginable

I'm not judging you. I find what happened to you was terrible.
You really need to see a proper therapist to help you through this.

 

[Ezra]

I can relate to the fish bowl analogy. I don't have the capacity to make friends at all though, so at least I don't have to suffer through failed attempts. I just quietly watch things taking place around me in a world I will never be a part of behind my plexiglass wall of autism.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Sorry I bought into a can of worms about woman and harassment. I actual have a few Christian woman friends. I meet one at a small group and she says hi to me. One use to drive me home. They all accept me for the way I am. One met me in the park last month. Another sent me an inspiration book. Of course I meet them in small groups. If I had to met any in large group gathering like at Church or at a party my odds go to 1/100 unless they are my mothers age the only ones who approached me.

 

[Aspychata]

Ignoring whatever bizarre or inappropriate things I have said, an available, attractive catholic girl without children in her 20s or early 30s is probably going to have many men aggressively pursuing her directly and many older relatives judging potential suitors.

In a way it seems like submitting a resume without e er being called in for an interview, it’s about loss of communities resulting in women being overwhelmed wi


The specific issue that I mention has dominated my adult life to such extremes for more than 25 years.

People did not understand that



But I am not. I had to deal with books being knocked out of my hands in junior high and having to chase them down stairs making me late for the bus which escalated to physical violence in high school with violent slapping of my head (which was very painful) and even nerds tormenting me for my Jewish nose or whsatever nonstop. So I become very sympathetic to liberal causes in college, but this reunite in attempt after attempt attempt of ha black man to conquest me, gradually going from me fighting off la sitting to aggressive attempts too let him sexually use me if he lubed up to waking up to him and his boyfriend sexualy assaulting me.

And women were not supportive, both my girlfriend and female best friend were extreme gay advocates as were most of the psychs I was assigned to. And so on. Things weren't at all like sympathy when even the couple sexually assaulting admitted to the wrong, things were about ,y repressed things and malformed brain and danger to others and endless disorders for being a victim of sexual assault, with absolutely zero sympathy, zero interest in assisting me in pressing charges despite panic attacks were so severe I could not leave My apertme to and so in. It was all about how sexual assault,t which was the last straw in endless other mistreatment bothers meant that I was dangerous and evil and had repressed things and how my brain was malformed and how decal assault proved I had 47 disorders and my brain chemistry was seriously disturbed.

But I had nothing wrong with me except being a clueless straight autistic guy from the country must mean repressed things and hate things and brain malfunctioning things and disorder things, because black and Jewish gay couple sexually assaulting me must just be the oppressed people, even though they admitted to sexual assault, so everything must be 5,000 things wrong with me and terrible about me. The consequences for sexual assault resulted in me believing I was so mentally incorrect that I should ne we breed and produce children whose brains might be as mine

Since misbehavior of gays was considered evidence of my evil and things wrong with my brain by authority figures, I got sucked into more and more gay grooming and conquest issues, which made things far worse

People just do not understand with all the social pressures. A straight white guy with autistic issues is just a straight white guy with autistic issues and trauma is not proof of how evil or deranged or dangerous or how's many disorders or how malformed straight guys brain is. Sometimes, as hard as it us to believe, autistic straight guy is just autistic straight guy a d then is no secret 89 things to be punished for at all.

You were definitely taken advantage of and l believed you were even groomed for this. Then trying to seek help was useless. Really wish you could seek help. It seems like severe PTSD is a deep issue.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Actually this is a anxious scale on meeting people at Church or crowds events me and my therapist created I modified it as things changed. Small groups don't count as 9 happens at least 40% "when 5 or more people are there" to 100% "when it's just you and her" of the time.

0 – Do not go to Church or Church events.
1 – Sneak out.
2 – A guy I already know says Hi to me.
3 – I approach a guy I do know for a conversation.
4 – A guy I already know approaches me for a longer conversation.
5 – I approach a woman I know, and we exchange “HI’s”.
6 – I approach a woman I do know for a conversation.
7 – A guy I don't know approaches me for a conversation. Happens at least half the time.
8 – A woman I do not know approaches me and we exchange “HI’s”.
9 – A woman I do not know around my age or younger approaches me for a conversation. Rarely if hardly ever happens. 1/100 odds. Actually never happened.
10 – I approach a woman I do not know around my age or younger for a conversation.

 

[Aspychata]

Actually this is a anxious scale on meeting people at Church or crowds events me and my therapist created I modified it as things changed. Small groups don't count as 9 happens at least 40% "when 5 or more people are there" to 100% "when it's just you and her" of the time.

Good idea. I wonder if l could apply a list to executive dysfunction?
0 - Don't do anything.
1- Think about doing something.
2-Do one thing l hate.
3-Take out garbage.
4-Call it a day.☺

 

[Progster]

I can relate to @Ezra 's being behind a plexiglass wall more than the fishbowl, but my term for it before I knew I was on the spectrum was "watching TV" Look, watch, but don't participate. Can't participate.

 

[Ezra]

I can relate to @Ezra 's being behind a plexiglass wall more than the fishbowl, but my term for it before I knew I was on the spectrum was "watching TV" Look, watch, but don't participate. Can't participate.

Yep like watching TV.

 

[SusanLR]

I have the photo of how it feels going through the world, but, not being a part of it.