Lonely

[Owliet]

I dont know if this is the feeling of depression coming up again (probably) or if it’s something that is true. I feel so lonely. I feel lonely even when around other people — I feel like I am the third-wheel and unwanted, and that i bother Others. It is the same feeling that I have on this forum here too. It is really making me think about even staying on here because I think if people dont want me around then its probably best that I get the message and cut myself off from others so I dont get hurt in the long term-

But I dont know if that’s just feelings rather than truth…


I think where this is all coming from is having yet another christmas filled with change . My mom has a friend over and she is quite nice — thats not a problem. My sibling had her boyfriend again, and did not say much to me, completely ignored me when I spoke to her and talked to me quite sharply or like I was an idiot. And I am tired of that. She does it all the time now, and is worse when she’s around this guy. I dont like him. Even my mom^s friend has made a comment about him, saying similar. But I have never felt so alone than I did over this holiday, I felt so separate from everyone and it just didn’t feel like Christmas. I know things change. I know that it is an unfortunate side effect to getting older and I guess maybe I wish that things were remaining the same. My sister used to spend a lot of time with me,and unless she doesn’t have anyone to spend time with, she will spend it with me but it is always what she wants to do, when she wants it and usually involves being used for my money rather than genuinely spending time. Is that a normal thing? I can’t rely on my parents. One day, they’ll die…an I will be all alone. And its this realization that I think that is the cause of this, and I dont know how to fix it. I dont have friends, or deeper relationships. It is only my Immediate family. And I am beginning to realize that I cannot rely on my sister ever.

I just really feel like I am so alone and no one wants me around. And maybe it is best that I just accept this, and embrace this lonely existence until i die.

 

[Judge]

It can be an awful experience to feel so alone all the while being surrounded by people. Something I've experienced many times in my own life.

 

[Outdated]

Existential angst is common when you're young, and your sister sounds a bit like my brother.

As far as these forums go I know that a lot of people enjoy your company, perhaps it's a bit of holiday depression. That's not uncommon either.

 

[Forest Cat]

I feel so lonely. I feel lonely even when around other people

I'm the same way, it has always been like that. Loneliness is an ugly thing. But I refuse to believe you are bothering this forum by being here, or that people don't want you to hang around here. It just feels like it. I for one would like to see you around here. Christmas is a hard time, I have been thinking a lot about some serious things lately too. It's that time of the year.

And I haven't met your sisters boyfriend but I have a feeling I know what kind of type he is and he is a bad influence on your sister. That's not your fault, you haven't done anything wrong and she's a little mean to you.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

My sister used to spend a lot of time with me,and unless she doesn’t have anyone to spend time with, she will spend it with me but it is always what she wants to do, when she wants it and usually involves being used for my money rather than genuinely spending time. Is that a normal thing?

No, it's not. That's not a very healthy situation for you, even though it's your sister. The best people will accept us for who we are, and appreciate us as complete people. Not just someone who pays for them, makes them laugh, gives them rides, etc. Unfortunately, a lot of people may see us for what they can get from us. We exist when they have needs (or wants).

 

[Gerontius]

I think you are one of the key members of this forum, even though I don't really know you that well. Everyone here seems to like you, & I do not know anyone who doesn't want you.
It's difficult sometimes to keep up with the forum here especially when one is feeling poorly due to family troubles or holiday stress. (As an aside: holiday stress should be an oxymoron.)
Find friends who accept you for yourself, and if you are lonely forever, be your community's favorite spinster. Or go be part of your own circle of friends--don't have friends? time to find them. There are many, many other ones out there lonely as you who would be happy to spend time with someone as nice as you are.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I dont know if this is the feeling of depression coming up again (probably) or if it’s something that is true. I feel so lonely. I feel lonely even when around other people — I feel like I am the third-wheel and unwanted, and that i bother Others. It is the same feeling that I have on this forum here too. It is really making me think about even staying on here because I think if people dont want me around then its probably best that I get the message and cut myself off from others so I dont get hurt in the long term-

But I dont know if that’s just feelings rather than truth…


I think where this is all coming from is having yet another christmas filled with change . My mom has a friend over and she is quite nice — thats not a problem. My sibling had her boyfriend again, and did not say much to me, completely ignored me when I spoke to her and talked to me quite sharply or like I was an idiot. And I am tired of that. She does it all the time now, and is worse when she’s around this guy. I dont like him. Even my mom^s friend has made a comment about him, saying similar. But I have never felt so alone than I did over this holiday, I felt so separate from everyone and it just didn’t feel like Christmas. I know things change. I know that it is an unfortunate side effect to getting older and I guess maybe I wish that things were remaining the same. My sister used to spend a lot of time with me,and unless she doesn’t have anyone to spend time with, she will spend it with me but it is always what she wants to do, when she wants it and usually involves being used for my money rather than genuinely spending time. Is that a normal thing? I can’t rely on my parents. One day, they’ll die…an I will be all alone. And its this realization that I think that is the cause of this, and I dont know how to fix it. I dont have friends, or deeper relationships. It is only my Immediate family. And I am beginning to realize that I cannot rely on my sister ever.

I just really feel like I am so alone and no one wants me around. And maybe it is best that I just accept this, and embrace this lonely existence until i die.

@Owliet,...you are NOT alone in these feelings. Above, I highlighted some statements that really hit home with me,...so we do have something in common here.

I have often described this feeling on here in other posts,...my "alien observer" persona. There, but on the periphery, not really "a part of". I have zero friends,...and I've accepted that many years ago, well before I had any understanding of autism. I don't think like most people,...and I sort of pride myself on that fact,...but, it does come with some social awkwardness that I am not sure exactly how to interpret. I actually have the "advantage" of having alexithymia,...so if I am "lonely",...which I interpret as "boredom",...I will actually leave the situation I am in and create some activity to keep my mind occupied with something else. So,...like when I am in a large group of people,...and I know I have nothing to contribute to the conversation,...nor that I can contribute because I am unable to interact in a group conversation,...I leave. So, I do understand these things are a two-way street,...but I have not found a consistent, practical way to do my part because of my social and communication issues,...I often create my own isolation. We are supposed to have 10 family members over for New Years,...and I will once again, probably find myself sitting in a corner alone, or doing some activity, once I get "bored" or find the situation too mentally exhausting to participate. BTW,...I don't get depressed about it anymore,...I've just sort of settled into it without complaints. I have my coping mechanisms.

 

[Rodafina]

Owliet, I want you here very much so. Partially because I just started getting to know you, but partially because of what you just shared. This makes you one of the few people that I’ve interacted with in the world who understands these type of feelings. My parents are by far my closest relationship, and they are aging quickly. My siblings are not reliable as either comfort or support for me. The third wheel is my permanent existence. I want you here because you understand very difficult things and I do too.

We can be together in our aloneness. If you like private messages, I will send you some, and then it is impossible for there to be a third wheel, with just two people!

 

[GypsyMoth]

@Owliet , I enjoy reading your replies and hearing what you you to say—about everything. You seem to be a kind and thoughtful person. I am glad you are here.

I go through bouts myself of wondering if I’ve overstayed my welcome. And then someone sends me some kind note and I have to reconsider whether it’s just me feeling this way or if it really is this way.

I hope you’ll find that it’s just a feeling and the feeling will pass.

 

[VictorR]

Christmas season this year was challenging for me too. Didn't meet anyone - not sibling, nor friends, colleagues, or classmates. I was super excited to go to a party but somehow, all eight of the other confirmed attendees flaked out and so I found myself at the venue, alone. (I ended up going home because I think dining by myself probably would have made me feel more alone)

I spent my Christmas here, on the forum, and was glad to participate in the games, and to do some vicarious living through our fellow members' posts of their activities, experiences, and gifts. It turned out to be not so bad after all.

As for your participation here, I've also valued your input and would miss you if you left (and have missed you during your absences) even though I don't really know you that well. I think a lot of your participation and comments, like this thread, is very relatable to many of us.

Sometimes we can be our own worse enemies. One of my special interests is travel, but as someone who neither drives or cycles (nor has a partner), I often feel left out when reading stories about travel and feel bad that I wouldn't get a chance to visit a certain special place because it's out of the way and basically inaccessible for me Also, the entire genre of road trips, which I find very fascinating, is out of the question. And so rather than dwelling on those, I tend to look at train and bus maps and plan my own adventures that way - so rather than looking at others and feeling bad about what I'm missing out on, I focus on the positive - what I can visit, see, and experience. And I meticulously plan my itineraries and derive significant pleasure from doing so.

I hope that you can find and celebrate more of your positives and connect with your interests in a healthy and rewarding way.

 

[Aspychata]

Getting older does tend to make us feel more alone. And then we can question ourselves as if it's us that creates this divide. And you are always welcome at this site. Some of us can be pushed around a bit by others here and l find myself just becoming stronger when that happens. The last two years have been difficult, pandemic, shortages of supplies, workers, even nurses shortages. Life seems a little more precarious then usual.

 

[Aspychata]

Christmas season this year was challenging for me too. Didn't meet anyone - not sibling, nor friends, colleagues, or classmates. I was super excited to go to a party but somehow, all eight of the other confirmed attendees flaked out and so I found myself at the venue, alone. (I ended up going home because I think dining by myself probably would have made me feel more alone)

I spent my Christmas here, on the forum, and was glad to participate in the games, and to do some vicarious living through our fellow members' posts of their activities, experiences, and gifts. It turned out to be not so bad after all.

As for your participation here, I've also valued your input and would miss you if you left (and have missed you during your absences) even though I don't really know you that well. I think a lot of your participation and comments, like this thread, is very relatable to many of us.

Sometimes we can be our own worse enemies. One of my special interests is travel, but as someone who neither drives or cycles (nor has a partner), I often feel left out when reading stories about travel and feel bad that I wouldn't get a chance to visit a certain special place because it's out of the way and basically inaccessible for me Also, the entire genre of road trips, which I find very fascinating, is out of the question. And so rather than dwelling on those, I tend to look at train and bus maps and plan my own adventures that way - so rather than looking at others and feeling bad about what I'm missing out on, I focus on the positive - what I can visit, see, and experience. And I meticulously plan my itineraries and derive significant pleasure from doing so.

I hope that you can find and celebrate more of your positives and connect with your interests in a healthy and rewarding way.

@VictorR
and @Owliet

I promised @Victor lunch if he comes to visit. You are welcomed too @Owliet . Please don't feel so alone.

 

[330]

I dont know if this is the feeling of depression coming up again (probably) or if it’s something that is true. I feel so lonely. I feel lonely even when around other people — I feel like I am the third-wheel and unwanted, and that i bother Others. It is the same feeling that I have on this forum here too. It is really making me think about even staying on here because I think if people dont want me around then its probably best that I get the message and cut myself off from others so I dont get hurt in the long term-

But I dont know if that’s just feelings rather than truth…


I think where this is all coming from is having yet another christmas filled with change . My mom has a friend over and she is quite nice — thats not a problem. My sibling had her boyfriend again, and did not say much to me, completely ignored me when I spoke to her and talked to me quite sharply or like I was an idiot. And I am tired of that. She does it all the time now, and is worse when she’s around this guy. I dont like him. Even my mom^s friend has made a comment about him, saying similar. But I have never felt so alone than I did over this holiday, I felt so separate from everyone and it just didn’t feel like Christmas. I know things change. I know that it is an unfortunate side effect to getting older and I guess maybe I wish that things were remaining the same. My sister used to spend a lot of time with me,and unless she doesn’t have anyone to spend time with, she will spend it with me but it is always what she wants to do, when she wants it and usually involves being used for my money rather than genuinely spending time. Is that a normal thing? I can’t rely on my parents. One day, they’ll die…an I will be all alone. And its this realization that I think that is the cause of this, and I dont know how to fix it. I dont have friends, or deeper relationships. It is only my Immediate family. And I am beginning to realize that I cannot rely on my sister ever.

I just really feel like I am so alone and no one wants me around. And maybe it is best that I just accept this, and embrace this lonely existence until i die.

I go through the same thing with the family around me .Especially around the holidays .How you are feeling is very relatable to me . The more interactions with family I have the worse I get . The more changes the worse I get . I have thought of it as depression afterwards
But I know now it’s social meltdown . Coupled with my abilities to not be able integrate into groups easily Has left me with a feeling of disability, and frustration.

I don’t know you , I have not been on the forum long . but I do know your posts and your intelligence is amazing ,intriguing, insightful, and inspiring and you seem like a wonderful person ,and I am always interested in what you are saying, and I am always learning something new from your information and posts.

Please don’t leave the forum.

 

[Markness]

I think loneliness is definitely a truthful feeling and depression intensifies it, @Owliet. We both struggle with these issues and it’s not fun at all.

 

[330]

I think loneliness is definitely a truthful feeling and depression intensifies it, @Owliet. We both struggle with these issues and it’s not fun at all.

I think loneliness is definitely a truthful feeling and depression intensifies it, @Owliet. We both struggle with these issues and it’s not fun at all.

It is but don’t get trapped by the thoughts of this , if so you are caged by it .The more you reset your attention elsewhere, the easier it will get . And maybe things will start to change. It is easy for us to have self fulfilling prophecy. This is extremely common with autistic people.

I was just informed from a relative yesterday that his wife’s brother who is Autistic with very limited social skills , has been single for 20 years before he found his girlfriend of 4 years .Has just proposed to her on Christmas and they are getting married .
He also thought he would be lonely and single his whole life .

 

[Rodafina]

@Owliet,

Thinking of you.

 

[Markness]

It is but don’t get trapped by the thoughts of this , if so you are caged by it .The more you reset your attention elsewhere, the easier it will get . And maybe things will start to change. It is easy for us to have self fulfilling prophecy. This is extremely common with autistic people.

I was just informed from a relative yesterday that his wife’s brother who is Autistic with very limited social skills , has been single for 20 years before he found his girlfriend of 4 years .Has just proposed to her on Christmas and they are getting married .
He also thought he would be lonely and single his whole life .

Are you saying this to me because of my other posts?

 

[330]

Are you saying this to me because of my other posts?

No it was a direct response to this one.

 

[Markness]

No it was a direct response to this one.

Oh, I meant if your response to me was because I’ve mentioned feeling depressed that I might be single until I die.

 

[Suzanne]

I felt EXACTLY the same way when I was a child and what did not help was being the eldest and always being compared to my sister of two and a bit year's younger than myself. Actually, loneliness was not around then; because I escaped into reading. But family gatherings were torturous for me and I was known as the quiet one, as I would just sit in a corner too shy to talk to anyone.

Sadly, I relied too much on my second sister and she used that against me.

Now, as a adult and married, I can tell you that being in a relationship is not always a wonderful aspect of life ( of course, if one finds their true mate, then that is different).

Loneliness hit me badly, when we moved, which is ironic, since the place we were at before, was even more isolated than now!

My husband has a low payng job and thus, working a lot more than at home and due to my horrors, I am unable to mingle properly and end up feeling just as you say, lonely in a crowd.

Although I am the eldest of 5, no one would believe me that I have siblings; that is how much they care about me and yep, sometimes I get overwhelmed with emotions as I see other families.