Loneliness, Do you feel like this? It bothers you?

[Eren]

what bothers me most about autism is loneliness. I can't relate normally with others, I don't fit in anywhere, and the few times I get to know someone, we usually end up distancing ourselves, I don't know how to maintain a relationship, not even friendship. I can't stand it, I feel empty and like I'm wasting my life.

Someone else in the same situation?

 

[Moonhart44]

yeh same. many people here who have achieved peace will say that those things dont matter as you grow up. i dont feel that now, but coming from a recent breakup and having no friends, im going to attempt to experience what these people have advised. I feel like i have to work on myself a lot anyways and its not fair that i dont devote the same energy to myself as i do to my desperate search for friends

 

[Suzanne]

I only started to suffer this awful feeling a few year's ago and today, if I did not have Korean dramas to watch, I can feel the loneliness closing in on me.

My faith helps enormously though, because I have a hope for the future.

What I found terrifying with feeling lonely, is that nothing ( before I discovered Korean dramas), helped to ease the feeling. Music, which is a passion of mine, just echoed in my head. I could do nothing to ease the heavy feeling and that was scary.

Since, I only discovered aspergers a few year's ago and only got officially diagnosed a year ago ( I think), I spent most of my life, just trying to cope with each day, not knowing what was going on, but I suppose having the diagnosis actually kickstarted the loneliness, because although at last, found a reason for me being so different to everyone around me, suddenly it was a case of: oh no! I can't get better! Well, improve on things, but it is horrible wanting to make friends, but not knowing how to.

 

[Sherlock77]

I have always had a tendency to be a loner, occasionally getting feels of loneliness

Sometimes I will wander by a cafe or public area and see large groups of people laughing and clearly enjoying themselves (pre-Covid of course), as I walk by on my own, and I sometimes get a feeling of loneliness because I don't have a group of friends like that

But then as I've said before I do enjoy the art of observing the world, combined with my interest in photography... I enjoy the world in my own way, just using my eyes

For the record I don't smile much, hardly ever, doesn't mean that I'm miserable, I just don't smile much

 

[Thinx]

I did a lot of therapy before I realised autism was an issue for me, and changed and grew through it, so I would say, there's likely to be lots of aspects of yourself you can work on, and that will lessen some of the effects of your autism.

In the end there was only the core of autism left that I couldn't change, which is quite significant, but not all of who you are. Go to groups or classes, or some therapy, read self help books, work on yourself, do voluntary work, paid work, trainings , get qualifications, get work, join a walking group. Though some of this is hard just now, but not all.

You can improve your situation and feel less affected and have some friends, Take one step at a time, and consider that autism is only part of who you are. We know from research that people with autism can and do make attachments to others, plus we develop attachment styles same as everyone does, and we can work on our attachment behaviours if we are insecure, for example we may have got insecure both through not understanding the world so easily, and from people not understanding us, especially parents.

You can work on this to relate better and to feel more secure as a person, and lessen the effects of the difficulties with communication and other issues that autism causes. It's not true to say we are autistic so we can't improve, we are a mix of things, including for me, having big feet and autism which I can't change, but also having an insecure childhood attachment style that has improved through therapy, aswell as getting strategies around things I found difficult in relating to others through self help , through therapy, and through some social practice in settings where I felt safe.

 

[Aspychata]

What l love about alone is no masking. l dont need to connect at all. l don't have to be your friend or even talk to anyone. Alone = safe. Alone= happy to putt putt around and be me.

 

[menander]

Being alone messes with your head sometimes. But being with toxic people rips your soul into tiny little pieces and throws them all over the sand dunes somewhere never to be seen again.

So I will take my head getting messed with a little rather than a lot.

 

[Ezra]

I don't know how to maintain a relationship, not even friendship, but to me that's just my default setting. I don't have much of a problem with it. Or maybe I should say that I am able to accept it for what it is, which is just another default setting I suppose.

 

[Au Naturel]

As you get older you may begin to understand that being alone doesn't have to mean loneliness. It can be powerful. It can mean freedom. It can mean you engage with the world on your terms or not at all.

 

[Progster]

I used to feel lonely at times when I was younger, but not so much now, especially since I was diagnosed, because I no longer put pressure on myself to try to be more sociable or to be something that I'm not. I used to have low self esteem because I didn't have many friends, but now I've come to accept that this is my reality, and that's ok.

 

[SusanLR]

It never bothered me not having friends or relationships that were close.
I felt close to my parents and as long as I had them, I didn't feel lonliness.
Only since they are gone have I felt a loneliness that nothing seems to take away.
It's a part of my life now.

I've tried therapy, doing the things suggested by the therapists, live with a house share
partner, but, it all feels the same.
Alone would be good as it gives you freedom from masking constantly and always having to
take into consideration their wants or having them interrupt your routine.
But, it wasn't like that with my parents. I had total freedom and never felt I had to hide or mask
around them and I felt loved.

I can't feel connection to other people and living with no one to turn to or feel love from
is what creates the lonely sensation.