Living with Asexuality

[Aspie_With_Attitude]

Almost 12 months ago I did upload this video when I decided to come out as an "Asexual", it was something that I wanted to do a while ago, just took my time to understand it being even saying it. It's came to the point that there's still quite a bit to learn, despite that I am 41 years old and I have no intention to date or marry.

In this video, it's just speculation and only sticking with what I know, what I feel and what does this mean to Asexual. I am hearing that there are a quite a hand full of individual on the autism spectrum who are asexual and in the video I did briefly explain my upbringing, being brought up with a poor social life growing up in my adolescent.

Whether you watch my video or not, like to hear what you really think if asexuality can be connected with autism.

 

[Luca]

I would like to watch your video a bit later after I get some stuff done! I just got home.
This is a topic that really interests me!

On the subject of asexuality, I think I'm somewhere on the asexual spectrum, and definitely somewhat aromantic.
I have had some sexual experiences but I don't think I was doing it because I actually wanted sex (I think it was more peer pressure and wanting to feel validated, I'm really overweight and have low self-esteem, and unfortunately sometimes I'll go to ridiculous lengths to make myself feel like people are attracted to me. I'm dealing with some mental health issues too which makes it more complex.) They weren't healthy situations either, but I'll go into that another time.
I'm 27 and I've never been in a serious relationship and I really don't care if I date or get married. I've had fantasies about getting married, but more when I was younger, although I am perfectly fine with being single for the rest of my life- wishing to be in a relationship or get married is more due to social and religious pressure from my extended family (I wrote about some of that in another thread.)
I used to think it would be nice to be with someone, hypothetically I guess, but if it actually came down to it I would probably shy away or not know what to do. Or just not be interested. I honestly think I'd tricked myself into thinking I wanted a relationship at one point, but I'm not that concerned about it anymore. I also don't feel comfortable with making out, or most displays of affection (other than hugging and cuddling.)

I do think there are a lot of asexual Autistic people. I've definitely met a few. Not sure exactly what the correlation is, or if there is one, but I don't think it's uncommon.

I'm glad you came out and you're comfortable with who you are It can be really scary to come out. I'm nonbinary and I never talked about it until I was a young adult, even though I've kind of felt this way my whole life. It takes courage to talk about it and I'm glad you feel comfortable telling us here

 

[Jordy]

Wish I was asexual, sounds more like a gift than anything else.

 

[Suzanne]

I have bounced between asexual and hypersexual and for a few years, definitely asexual, much to my husband's horror, who sadly, is completely the opposite and I end up hurrying to get dressed, in case he appears and tries to make overt suggestions that actually make me want to be sick ( not him; just the idea of it, makes me cringe).

I actually find anything of sexual nature to be very uncomfortable, whereas most talk about it as though it is no big deal.

I suspect mine came from being abused from a young age; distorted my brainwaves and why I have bounced between the two.

When other girls are craving about a man. I honestly have been perplexed. I find a logical man to be attractive enough to want to keep talking; nothing other than that.

 

[Aspychata]

Sometimes l feel asexual because of being stalked by someone for a very long time in another state.

Sometimes l like the closeness with a certain someone and that comes with a certain condition that sometimes l like but sometimes age has taken that desire away.

My marriage was asexual, which didn't really bother me.

 

[SusanLR]

I've always been asexual and have spent my life darting around how to dodge the bullet so to speak,
yet have a close relationship a few times.
Hugging and cuddling, yes, that is fine. Beyond that, it always seemed yucky to me also.

I have discussed this several times with my therapist and she says Asexual is very common on the
spectrum. I used to belong to an asexual forum. I was really very glad to find there were many
more like myself. I always felt I was just different and seemed to be the only one.

@phantom It is rather a gift IMO. Sure keeps you out of a lot of problems that being hypersexual
can lead to.

 

[Suzanne]

Wish I was asexual, sounds more like a gift than anything else.

Not when you are married to a highly sexed person. To me, the gift would be that I am highly sexed at al times, so that I do not have to live with the embarrassment of turning my face away in disgust.

 

[Fino]

I think being asexual is much better than not but I only have my experience so who knows.

Friendly reminder that asexuality and sex drive have no connection to one other!

 

[Jordy]

I think being asexual is much better than not but I only have my experience so who knows.

Friendly reminder that asexuality and sex drive have no connection to one other!

Okay well that just doesn't make any sense to me. Sex has to involve something else, almost by the definition, otherwise it would just be masterbation or masterbation drive idk.

 

[Aspychata]

Thanks @Fino

I went many years being celibate and it didn't bother me at all.

 

[paloftoon]

Everyone is different. A lot of people love masterbation. I could do without it. I just like the togetherness and the physicality and touching of certain people. It feels good to me. Depends on the person and their personality though.

 

[Moon River]

I just like the togetherness ... It feels good to me. Depends on the person and their personality though.

I agree! I too am asexual and really enjoy emotional intimacy and support, but would be thrilled to never have another sexual experience in my life! But physical closeness and comfort, like nestling with the *right person*, feels so wonderful.

 

[Fino]

Okay well that just doesn't make any sense to me. Sex has to involve something else, almost by the definition, otherwise it would just be masterbation or masterbation drive idk.

Asexuality is not a lack of sex, and it's not a lack hormones. It's a lack of sexual attraction. That means there's no physical desire to have sex with people, at any point. It's like how you probably have no desire to put cheese in people's ears, ever. So you're acheeseual.

 

[Aspychata]

Asexuality is not a lack of sex, and it's not a lack hormones. It's a lack of sexual attraction. That means there's no physical desire to have sex with people, at any point. It's like how you probably have no desire to put cheese in people's ears, ever. So you're acheeseual.

I got use to no sex and didn't want it. During marriage.

 

[Magna]

I personally think it's great that we're living in a time where one's sexuality isn't considered "right" or "wrong". A person can be free to be themselves, asexual, sexual, etc.

The only time asexuality could be an issue is in a committed relationship where at the outset, both people were sexual with each other and had the understanding that the other would continue to be a willing participant, barring any legitimate subsequent reason preventing them from continuing to be sexual. There are a variety or legitimate reasons a person can have for becoming asexual in a relationship after previously being sexual. The following may be an uncomfortable statement to make, but in a committed sexual relationship a person at least owes their partner/spouse a valid reason for changing from sexual to asexual. Relationships are not one sided. Both people have needs and feelings that need to be respected. With most people sex is more than just a fun pastime; many people consider it to be a deeply profound and unique way of connecting emotionally, physically, mentally and even spiritually.

Notice in the above paragraph I did not say that in a committed sexual (or previously sexual) relationship a person is obligated to be sexual with their partner no matter what.

If a person in a previously sexual committed relationship experiences or develops anything that prevents them at a later point from being sexual, (e.g. body image issues, erectile dysfunction, depression or other mental illness, etc) they do owe it to their partner (and to themselves) to be truthful and honest and/or to try to remedy the situation. That may for example include seeking guidance from a medical professional, counseling, etc. It's possible as well that couple's counseling would be in order if a key factor for the change is because of the other partner's behavior.

A mindset of: "I don't have to have an explanation. I can change a major part of our relationship for no reason, I don't have to do anything to try to change it or myself and there's nothing that you can or should be able to say about it." isn't fair to one's partner. That's not a relationship.

Should the other partner also have understanding and compassion if there are legitimate reasons which ultimately result in their partner becoming asexual after the partner seeks professional guidance to assess their change in sexuality? Absolutely.

 

[Fino]

You cannot just change to being gay. Gay people can't suddenly become straight. Straight people can't just decide to be asexual. No one can decide to be asexual. No one can change to or from being asexual.

 

[Magna]

^ I disagree with you.

Asexual: not involving sexual activity, feelings, or associations; nonsexual.

A person can certainly change from being a sexual person in their lives to having no sexual feelings and be nonsexual.

 

[Fino]

It's not something to be disagreed with. I'm simply explaining what is. You quoted the adjective definition. Here's the noun:

"a person who has no sexual feelings or desires, or who is not sexually attracted to anyone."

 

[Aspychata]

My senerio was the person was never a party bedroom guy. So it stayed that way. Maybe that's why this person still likes me, l don't place demands for that.

 

[Magna]

You cannot just change to being gay. Gay people can't suddenly become straight. Straight people can't just decide to be asexual. No one can decide to be asexual. No one can change to or from being asexual.

No. A person can certainly change from being sexual to "having no sexual feelings or desires, or who is not sexually attracted to anyone." Hormonal changes can do this. Sexual trauma (abuse/rape) can do this. Mental illness can do this (e.g. severe depression). Medication can do this. Just to name a few. I don't get why that would seem impossible.