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Living Alone

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by Soleil, May 26, 2022.

  1. Soleil

    Soleil Well-Known Member

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    I'm in my early 30s and live with my mom. I've never lived on my own, but to be fair neither of us could afford to live alone.
    But I don't think I could live alone. I'm fine on some things; I have a job, I can go shopping for things I need, I can pay bills on time, I can do minor home maintenance, I can cook and clean.

    But sometimes my anxiety just goes through the roof when I'm alone. Storms aren't always a problem, but if I'm alone, I can't help but freak out. Right now it's almost 5am and I'm alone. Mom had to work overnight and won't be back for a few hours. But normally she's asleep right now, so I'd basically be on my own anyway (I'm usually still up around now). I don't see her much now anyways, because our schedules don't really overlap.

    But I'm panicking and I don't know why. It kind of feels like a sensory overload, but there's nothing going on. Instead of feeling overwhelmed by too much noise or lights, I'm overwhelmed by the darkness. But it usually is dark this time of night. The only difference is that it's just me and the cats right now. I turned on some lights, changed my music to something more calming, and hugged a cat, so I feel a little better.

    But I feel kind of helpless when this happens. I'm an adult, but I can't live on my own like so many others?
     
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  2. musicallessness

    musicallessness Active Member V.I.P Member

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    oh, i have been a volunteer caretaker while on disability for my grandma and mother more like a willing slave trying to give unconditional love to all the conditions of their whims and their religious cult but ugh I'll stop that rant of ptsd now.
    anyways, I drove truck before and I was on the road all by myself without animals. luckily for me I had sales experience from the cult and other secular sales and being an extra in the movie taught me not to be scared but, I have been scammed by lalzy people that... err... make a business of kind hearted souls. perhaps, religion as jesus destroyed the religions and kingdoms of the day well, business is trying to establish a monarchy of the world.
    not sure how that will work out
    especially when this earth doesn't really need us humans anyways
     
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  3. Atrapa Almas

    Atrapa Almas 70% INTJ + 30% ASPIE = 100% HUMAN V.I.P Member

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    My mom used to tell me:

    Ask god that he wont sent you all you can resist.

    Its amazing what we can actually manage to do when we want to do it or we have no better choices. :)
     
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  4. musicallessness

    musicallessness Active Member V.I.P Member

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    ots the sad thing as having autism I noticed especially on this forum a huge knowledge on here
    learn from the celebrities, let the haters hate. that's how they got fame. so start blogs an youtube, and interest. my advice stay off the social medias, like FB IG twitter move more toward your own blog and website. find other things to sell other than affiliate marketing from amazon or Walmart. in do no affiate marketing. and stay away from driving. its dangerous out there. especially now the huge carriers are employing some ruthless cultures. but those cultures will quickly find out how evil the trucking industry can be. but, what do I know I'm a stupid autistic boy that hasn't become a man. ugh, more on how to become a man as more and more truth leaks out.
     
  5. Gerald Wilgus

    Gerald Wilgus Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I second @Forest Cat's idea that one accommodates to things. Anxious about finally living alone, my first night at a rental house was bizarre. The previous tenants did not keep up maintenance and a squirrel got into the attic. I spent that first night awake, hearing scrabbling in the attic and I didn't even have a flashlight to investigate. I finally trapped that little bugger, and got used to living in a new environment. Eventually it was nice to live alone in Hamtramck. I found restaurants I liked [good Polish restaurants and Buddy's Pizza, great Detroit pizza], started Scruggs style banjo lessons and in my first winter coped with 25 inches of snow when the National Guard was called out to clear the streets. It was lonely at first, especially as I did not like noisy bars where people my age congregated, and Friday nights were spent watching The Muppet Show as others were out dating. Dealing with car problems (Yah, I had an AMC Gremlin, a real chick magnet, that one, but it was what I could afford). But, I discovered jazz clubs too, and took trips to Chicago and Toronto and out fossil collecting. All of this gave me confidence to change. First being OK with myself then working to meet my relationship goals.
     
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  6. musicallessness

    musicallessness Active Member V.I.P Member

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    yeah, i'm working on getting out of California for awhile perhaps join the NYC central casting offices and work out of that.
     
  7. AprilR

    AprilR Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I can relate. Sometimes being alone makes me more anxious than with people. I try to keep my mind busy when i am alone for too long, and keep a schedule
     
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  8. Wolfgangus Faldestolius

    Wolfgangus Faldestolius Little notes from an armchair

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    I'm 67 and single and lived alone since 25 with a short spell before, and except short spells house sharing since (long ago). I feel traumatised by the bad politics and have watched videos of young musicians and feel traumatised by what was done to some of them. The institutions are being smashed apart and religions haven't got belief. Thus I am no longer offered a framework to relate. Non autistic people have no thoughtfulness and are casual. Sorry for leading thread off topic, please criticise.
     
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  9. Tom

    Tom Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Hi and I can relate. I have had anxiety problems forever. Sometimes they start with some incident and sometimes they seem to come out of nowhere. But once started they occur regularly and that rising nervousness/panic that occurs is very uncomfortable, sometimes almost unbearable.

    In the beginning I would try to just reason myself thru it, with logic, etc. And that works sometimes and I think is part of the coping method all the time. But I hit a point where it didn't seem enough anymore and sought professional help and eventually saw a big improvement with medication. It hasn't made it go away, but happens much less and usually makes the severe episodes tolerable. I have one med I am on all the time and another I can take when it gets more intense.

    Storms is one of my triggers too. I've had that one since 1982 when on a backbacking trip I spent a very harrowing night near the top of a mountain in Germany. We had found a small clearing where the trees had been burnt away from some fire and made camp in a little two person tent. A little after dusk a wild thunderstorm came in and bombarded the mountain all night and into the early morning with salvo after salvo of lightning. I thought I was living A Night on Bald Mountain. ;D

    bald-mountain_crack-fire.jpg
     
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  10. Forest Cat

    Forest Cat Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    An AMC Gremlin :) That's a little awesome, I think that car has a cult following now. It's so bad that it's cool. :cool:
     
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  11. Gerald Wilgus

    Gerald Wilgus Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    That car was key to me getting to know the woman who would be my spouse. On a 4 day road trip, it was day three and the night before she walked through a wooded area that she should not have. On that leg of the journey the pin that held the distributor rotor contact in place broke leading to severe mis-timing. Before I could get to a town with an auto parts store the timing would go to hell, I'd stop to readjust it, and she would find a tick on her leg which i would dutifully remove. This happened several times and I certainly learned the geography of her legs and got points for dealing with those bloodsuckers.
     
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  12. Darkkin

    Darkkin Lioness of Spoons V.I.P Member

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    I pay rent, drive, work full-time, have a small pack of pets and houseplants, but I don't live alone. While highly independent, my best friend and I have lived together since college. It is more financially effective for both of us, she doesn't like living alone and I cannot live alone because of a major cardiac issue.

    I will occasionally have the house to myself when she visits family on the weekends. But because we have the dogs and Potato Cat, I never actually feel truly alone. There is always something sentient with me. I do, however, usually have both the TV and music on for background noise and mild distraction.
     
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  13. Forest Cat

    Forest Cat Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    That's one thing that has bothered me more lately, if something happens, some kind of emergency, I'm screwed because I'm alone here. A while ago I almost got stuck under a heavy pile of lumber that fell on me and I suddenly realized that if I couldn't get out from under it, no one would find me. I don't think the cats would have rescued me. I was a little worried. So much safer to live with someone. I don't like living alone.
     
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  14. Darkkin

    Darkkin Lioness of Spoons V.I.P Member

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    I had an incident a couple months back when my hip popped out of joint and I was stuck in my room because I could not physically walk.

    I freaked my BF out royally when I said I couldn't walk. The joint just needed to be popped back into place, but I wasn't strong enough to do it.
     
    Last edited: May 26, 2022
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  15. Forest Cat

    Forest Cat Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    You're freaking me out a little just by describing it :eek:
    Sounds so terrible and painful. Popping a shoulder, ok,
    but a hip? Sounds much worse.
     
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  16. Darkkin

    Darkkin Lioness of Spoons V.I.P Member

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    Mild ESD. I had gotten carried away with spring cleaning and the ball of my joint slipped out. A quick yank on my ankle and it popped right back in, but out, it was fine as long as I didn't move.
     
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  17. Tom

    Tom Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    :eek:
     
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  18. Forest Cat

    Forest Cat Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Yep, that was my reaction too.
     
    Last edited: May 26, 2022
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  19. Tom

    Tom Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    When alone maybe you could try and keep your phone within reach or in your pocket.
     
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  20. Darkkin

    Darkkin Lioness of Spoons V.I.P Member

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    I think this highlights the difference between independence and true aloneness.

    While I might be home alone, I have Rue with me. I also have access to my phone and tablet and active cardiac monitoring. If my phone is out of reach, Rue is trained to get it for me.

    Between work, my social networks, and family, someone checks in daily. I have social media for peace of mind for my family because they know I hate talking on the phone.

    I like having time to myself, but I will be the first to admit I am never truly alone.
     
    Last edited: May 26, 2022
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