Limits are sooner for me than for other people I know, and I can't push through them

[AuroraBorealis]

For as long as I can remember, I have felt less physically and mentally resilient than others. I have felt like other people are able to pull through during limited amounts of time when it's necessary, even if they're tired, even if they're exhausted. Usually, I was only able to do that for a very short time, if at all, and then I would start feeling ill, like, when you're getting a cold or the flu, mixed with feeling close to tears, until I was able to get some peace and quiet, then I would recover quickly.

An example: When I was 16-17, I was in a scientific summer camp, which I absolutely loved, it was the best summer camp of my life. But it was also very densely packed with (very cool) activities. And after one week, over the course of a half-day, I started feeling bad, like I was getting sick, and I felt very anxious and tearful and just simply not well, so I asked if I could go back to my room for the evening instead of joining in the evening activity. And after about half an hour peace in my room, I felt perfect again, and spent a wonderful quiet evening on my own, after which I was okay again.
Interestingly, I didn't think of simply being exhausted. I don't remember what I thought. I didn't honestly think that I was ill, I only knew that I was feeling bad and that the only thing I wanted right now was to be alone. It actually took some effort to get me back to our dorm, because we were somewhere else, someone had to take me, etc., and I normally hate causing inconveniences, but right then, I knew I HAD to.

Or an example from right now: We are moving to another city, and the days right now are quite full and stressful, without much time to relax in between, and with the pending move. After 2 really full days, I sat crying on the floor, unable to do anything else, and was forced to change my plans for the next day to put in a break day. In comparison, a friend who recently moved spent several days with only limited sleep and food, renovating her new apartment and getting everything built up and sorted, and of course she found it exhausting, but somehow she was able to push through and keep going until it was finished. I helped her and had a meltdown after one day because I hadn't eaten enough, was oversocialised, and was physically very tired.

Same things on travels, during apartment moves, during physically and emotionally straining times. While I feel that others can pull themselves together and push themselves over their limit, although it's unpleasant, my body simply refuses. I get symptoms like I was getting ill or sick, or I get completely tearful and anxious, or both happens at the same time. Even when I really want to, I physically can't go much over my apparent limit. And that limit seems to be considerably sooner than it is for most people around me.

It frustrates and also embarrasses me that I simply seem to be less capable than others, because I am a physically (and also mentally, as far as I'm concerned) healthy young person. I have to keep within limits that others my age don't seem to have to this extent. Granted, most people around me are not autistic. But still. I feel like it's this external thing that limits me, and it embarrasses me.

I know that's in unhealthy to push through your limits, and that I shouldn't aim to do it anyway. But I would like to have the OPTION to push through my limits on chosen occasions when it's necessary. It annoys me that that option just doesn't seem to be there for me, because I simply break down before I get the chance.

Do you relate?

 

[jsilver256]

Yes, very much relate.

I might speculate that the common denominator here is social activity and the rush that comes from bonding.

When my husband's family is over, they get a lot done together on home improvement and such - but they are chatting all day, constantly, as they are doing so. They are clearly bonding over it, even looking forward to it.

My husband would not do home improvement by himself just for kicks and would hire it out instead.

 

[Mary Terry]

I will push myself through a tough time, too, make it through the ordeal, and when it is over I will crash and burn, get sick because my body is depleted, need to be alone to recover. Yes, I do understand and share that.

 

[vergil96]

Do you relate?

Yes, a lot.

Specifically, I feel like my nervous sysyem is not built for resilience. I get stressed easier. Or tired. A couple of days ago I went shopping in the afternoon to buy some clothes. I tried on a lot of items. It was a shopping mall. Then the night after I didn't fall asleep until 4 am and I'm still exhausted and have problems speaking and focusing. I'm so tired I can't multitask to an extreme degree, can't have a phone call and eat a meal at the same time, can't alternate between preparing the meal and doing some daily cleaning, and brush my teeth in the mean time. Everything has to be in an order or else I lose track, can't complete the task. The fatigue is mostly sensory, I think and people are also a moderately intensive stimulus. I think the worst thing was the loud sounds and the bright unnatural lights in the shopping mall. There were intemse smells too. I should have had my earplus in perhaps, that could have eased some of it. I don't know, most people don't have to care, aren't as affected by their environment. I thought I could push through and if I can try and ignore in the moment, focus on the task, it's fine. It wasn't fine, it turns out. I worry about interactions with others as well. I'm affected by empathy, absorbing other people's feelings. Then after experiencing everything more intensely and getting stressed over things that are in public spaces, because most people don't find them stressful such as noise or blinking lights or harsh scents, I'm exhausted. Or I easily get agitated and my attention is all over the place. This is especially true of shopping malls.

After 2 really full days, I sat crying on the floor, unable to do anything else, and was forced to change my plans for the next day to put in a break day. In comparison, a friend who recently moved spent several days with only limited sleep and food, renovating her new apartment and getting everything built up and sorted, and of course she found it exhausting, but somehow she was able to push through and keep going until it was finished. I helped her and had a meltdown after one day because I hadn't eaten enough, was oversocialised, and was physically very tired.

I can relate a lot. I have too many tasks and then break down for a whole day or two. Or something overstimulating happens and the same result. I don't get enough sleep. Miss a meal. Something like that. It feels unfair that others are so unaffected. To be honest, I feel very uncapable because of it. I try to not portray it this way to others though, I shrug it off as the most normal and natural thing in the world - lifestyle has to be regular, it is so much better to be systematic and have a scheme, I'm lazy (this is a positive, disobedience to norms is cool) and feel like gaming and whatnot. Maybe we should think in a similar, more positive manner? I don't know.

Also, travelling is the worst. Travels can be enjoyable, but I never feel fine during travels, always get sick, can't sleep, get food poisoning. I'm starting to dislike travels. At home everything is just fine, the way I need it to be. During travels, I'm stripped of neccesary elements of everyday life and it's hard or impossible to make them right. For example food. It's too hot, too cold, too noisy at night, the room is smelly...

 

[Mary Terry]

Yes, a lot.

Specifically, I feel like my nervous sysyem is not built for resilience. I get stressed easier. Or tired. A couple of days ago I went shopping in the afternoon to buy some clothes. I tried on a lot of items. It was a shopping mall. Then the night after I didn't fall asleep until 4 am and I'm still exhausted and have problems speaking and focusing. I'm so tired I can't multitask to an extreme degree, can't have a phone call and eat a meal at the same time, can't alternate between preparing the meal and doing some daily cleaning, and brush my teeth in the mean time. Everything has to be in an order or else I lose track, can't complete the task. The fatigue is mostly sensory, I think and people are also a moderately intensive stimulus. I think the worst thing was the loud sounds and the bright unnatural lights in the shopping mall. There were intemse smells too. I should have had my earplus in perhaps, that could have eased some of it. I don't know, most people don't have to care, aren't as affected by their environment. I thought I could push through and if I can try and ignore in the moment, focus on the task, it's fine. It wasn't fine, it turns out. I worry about interactions with others as well. I'm affected by empathy, absorbing other people's feelings. Then after experiencing everything more intensely and getting stressed over things that are in public spaces, because most people don't find them stressful such as noise or blinking lights or harsh scents, I'm exhausted. Or I easily get agitated and my attention is all over the place. This is especially true of shopping malls.
I can relate a lot. I have too many tasks and then break down for a whole day or two. Or something overstimulating happens and the same result. I don't get enough sleep. Miss a meal. Something like that. It feels unfair that others are so unaffected. To be honest, I feel very uncapable because of it. I try to not portray it this way to others though, I shrug it off as the most normal and natural thing in the world - lifestyle has to be regular, it is so much better to be systematic and have a scheme, I'm lazy (this is a positive, disobedience to norms is cool) and feel like gaming and whatnot. Maybe we should think in a similar, more positive manner? I don't know.

Also, travelling is the worst. Travels can be enjoyable, but I never feel fine during travels, always get sick, can't sleep, get food poisoning. I'm starting to dislike travels. At home everything is just fine, the way I need it to be. During travels, I'm stripped of neccesary elements of everyday life and it's hard or impossible to make them right. For example food. It's too hot, too cold, too noisy at night, the room is smelly...

I hate shopping malls so much that I buy almost all my clothes, husband's, grandkids' clothes online. If they don't fit when I receive them or aren't what I really want, I just ship them back to the seller and get the credit restored to the credit card I use for online shopping. One of the reasons I don't like malls, in addition to the exhaustion of walking around trying to find something I actually like, is the high crime rate in mall parking lots. It's very dangerous where I live. Lots of armed car jackings, muggings, kidnappings in parking lots.

Edit: Return shipping is always free and a return label is included in the box when my order is delivered to my house.

 

[vergil96]

I hate shopping malls so much that I buy almost all my clothes, husband's, grandkids' clothes online.

I usually shop online too, but I wanted to try on some clothes... This particular mall was quite bad too in my opinion. I usually go to malls that are closer to where I live and they're somehow easier to tolerate. Dang. I really made myself a bad favour by going there. This mall is just next to a large railway station, maybe the music, lighting and scents are particularly bad too.

 

[Mary Terry]

I usually shop online too, but I wanted to try on some clothes... This particular mall was quite bad too in my opinion. I usually go to malls that are closer to where I live and they're somehow easier to tolerate. Dang. I really made myself a bad favour by going there. This mall is just next to a large railway station, maybe the music, lighting and scents are particularly bad too.

One time during the Pandemic, I wanted some new shoes but didn't want to go anywhere to try them on. So I ordered 10 pairs of shoes online, tried them on, and reshipped the other 9 pairs back to the seller. My husband thought I was nuts, but, hey, I got what I needed with very little hassle.

 

[Roisin]

I guess there are a few things in your post I relate to: the themes of self and acceptance, how I see myself, how I really am, and how I would like to be in an ideal world. What is my internal dialogue in relation to these thoughts, whose ideas are living rent-free in my head and are these ideas healthy for me?

The idea that hard work pays off... It's only a semi-reliable ethos if I aim very specifically and realistically.

I pushed through everything possible until I hit an autistic burnout that took years to recover from.
It was maybe a good thing in its own way; it forced me to change in my early 30s. I would naturally prefer not to have gone through it and lost years of my 30s; I was broken open, and the hard work ethos became singularly focused on my holistic well-being.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

I’ve not much to add except that is true for me too. When I was younger, I could push through harder and longer, but it always came at a cost.

 

[NB79]

Yes, i just can't imagine myself at any age, being idk a nurse for example 10 hours a day in a hospital, i would just not make it, and there is people that do it all days.