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lack of affection

Discussion in 'Love, Relationships and Dating' started by dsfu, May 25, 2020.

  1. dsfu

    dsfu Active Member

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    Hi. This could go in three different threads, but this seemed the most approrpriate. I am wondering how people that live alone and do not receive a lot of affection from people cope? Thank you.
     
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  2. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    Affection is not necessarily seen as a need for a lot of people on the spectrum.
     
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  3. Raggamuffin

    Raggamuffin Well-Known Member

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    If you're feeling lonely you could invest more time in socialising. Whether that's in real life or online. Whichever you feel more comfortable with and whatever is needed in order to fill the void.

    Ed
     
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  4. AngelaS267

    AngelaS267 Well-Known Member

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    It has sucked since I hit puberty. I always teeter between being super lonely and wanting affection, to someone getting close and me pushing them away immediately. I feel like a cat. Sometimes I don't know if I crave affection because I've been taught that it's magical and I'm supposed to want it, or maybe I DO want affection but genuinely don't know how to get it in a way that works for me.
     
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  5. Tom

    Tom Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Pets can be very helpful. The type is a factor. For affection, dogs, cats and a few other types can be very good. Fish, snakes, etc, not so much.
     
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  6. Jumpback

    Jumpback Well-Known Member

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    I really miss strong hugs my-girlfriend and I gave each other. But that’s Really it.

    It’s weird because she couldn’t fall asleep unless I was near her and thought that I would hardly notice if I she left, but then she left and I am the one who can’t stop missing the affection

    I kind of wish that I had a dog to give big hugs too, but I can’t right now
     
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  7. Misery

    Misery Photo-Negative V.I.P Member

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    Aye, and this is the part that often seems hard for some people out there to grasp, if it's not a part of their own experience already.

    Particularly when it comes to romance. A recurring theme for me is others being baffled when I say that I have zero interest in anything romantic. They assume that I cant possibly be "happy" if I dont have someone like that.

    Whereas I see it the other way. The idea of having some person constantly around and being shackled to them is something I find repulsive. Having to frequently be physically close is even worse.


    As basic affection goes, I've got my dogs, and that's all I really want. People often have a hard time understanding THAT too. That whole "you'd rather spend your time with dogs than other people?" and often they dont understand no matter how I explain it.
     
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  8. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    I can't judge people. If people want to be with somebody - great. If people choose to be alone- great also. Dogs are just little people after all. Lol. I don't want to sound cold-hearted. I didn't grow up with affection so l am use to not having it. My mother and father were quite cold with me. I can't remember affection. I actually received more attention from my grandmother. She is my real mother. Also like to show affection for the ones l care about but l don't allow many people in my inner circle.
     
    Last edited: May 26, 2020
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  9. Giraffes

    Giraffes Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I didn't see affection shown by my parents, no touchy feely hugs, if i trust and like a person i enjoy and seek a hug, this is based on how secure and validated/accepted i feel, the reciprocal bit of relationships is more of a struggle, it's more like 'i want a cuddle and i want it now!!!!" My ex partners need for affection was polar opposite and caused a rift as i found it hard to accept that he didn't show or seem to want affection.
     
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  10. SusanLR

    SusanLR Well-Known Member

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    The secure affection from my parents was all I've known in my life.
    Romantic affection never gave me a warm secure feeling.
    It seems so superficial and machanical.
     
  11. Jumpback

    Jumpback Well-Known Member

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    The thing with dogs is that they don't change their minds or turn on you and there is never anything complicated about their intentions or anything awkward later and no social mistakes to make

    I have only been highly affectionate at times with 2 girlfriends, but I think it was almost like a dog sort of affection where I completely let my guard down.
     
  12. Els

    Els Active Member

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    As a child I had my cat and family and I was happy with them too. I realized recently that not much has changed. My cat isn't here anymore but I've got my two dogs.
    I thought I lack affection while I just was lacking something enjoyable to do, but it's not necessarily human affection that I need. I can put myself at drawing/painting/go for a walk/learn something/read something, it's as pleasurable as "affection" and it doesn't have the downsides of human relationships.
    I used to crave for human affection and try really hard to be accepted in groups and keep relationships - draining and increasing anxiety a lot.
    Now I don't mind being lonely, I've got my freedom, it's quiet, I'm less anxious than around people.
    I cope with reduced human affection by knowing what I enjoy doing and don't enjoy doing, what's tiring me and making me anxious and what's not, and knowing better how to deal with myself and what I like in general. I love being around animals and communicate with them. They're quiet and relaxing, and their communication model is pretty straight, once you get the code there's nothing hidden, you can trust what they're communicating.
    I'm okay with low human connexions, it doesn't affect me that much. I like having company through. But it can be animals + communicating with humans through my drawings. Having too many connexions on the other hand affects my mental health negatively because it includes a lot of stress - stress that the companionship of animals doesn't.
    Knowing all that help me to cope with not receiving a lot of affection from people :) I just don't care about it, I care about my things.
     
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