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Klutsy in relationships

A

Alexej

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I have again had a situation where I have made a mess of a situation with my wife. I am not trying to do this but what ever I do (from the best of intentions) seems to be the wrong thing.

I just cannot get it right and I have no clue as to how to respond to her.

It seems that autism for me has a strong emphasis 9lack) in the relational area and I am missing so much. Missing it, in that I just dont see it, and when it is told to me I just dont know what to do with the information. It is like the bit to enable me to process the information just isn't there.

Any advice?
 
Tell her what you just told us & then build a little culture of constructive criticism in your household. You two can collaborate on a relationship like on a project, and I bet that openness & care will help.
This is what I remember my parents doing and it worked for them. Also, I know what you're talking about as far as missing that bit of info--my parents would be like "you're out of line" to me & I'd think "I have no idea what you are talking about."

Good luck!
 
I'm in favor of couples therapy. Having an impartial communication expert as a go between could be all that you lack
 
This sounds difficult for you both. How much have you talked together about autism and it's effects? Is it something your wife feels she understands?

Therapy can help, if both people feel ok about trying therapy, and ideally for you two, having a therapist who knows a bit about Aspergers would be useful, as in my experience (as a relationship therapist ) in mixed NT and ND relationships, each person has some different needs, and may sometimes benefit from a mix of 1 to 1 and couple sessions to work on the relationship.

If you've been together a while, you probably have some ways of sorting out difficulties? What's changed, if anything?
 
Don't tell us, tell her.

You explained yourself so well, and I can feel the loving conviction in your words. If you can't say it out loud, write it to her.
 
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